Birthday and NC

[Think About It...]

I been NC with her for 6 months now, and today is my birthday and I really didn't think I'd hear from her, but there we go, a happy b-day text, and I really feel the FOG hittin me again, didn't think I would want to respond this badly. Just a "thanks" or something I shouldn't, should I?

[krax]

I been NC with her for 6 months now, and today is my birthday and I really didn't think I'd hear from her, but there we go, a happy b-day text, and I really feel the FOG hittin me again, didn't think I would want to respond this badly. Just a "thanks" or something I shouldn't, should I?

[diotima]

Nope, you shouldn't. I know how that feels--mine did that too a few months ago and it stirred everything up--temporarily. You'll be fine, just stay in the moment. Contact=pain. Be good to yourself.
Diotima

[LoveNYC]

Ditto!

It's a trap!

[rooftop]

Ditto!

It's a trap!

My exBGPgf birthday was friday...Did i think of sending a msg...NOPE and i didnt...NC from me and after 5 weeks i am not stopping now, my replacement can deal with all that..

RT

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? This board is for members with failed or failing relationships that want to detach from their relationship and relationship wounds. If you are still analyzing the decision to stay, please post on Undecided: Staying or Leaving All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)

[redberry]

I agree with the others Krax.  I know it's hard, but understand it's not about you or your needs, its all about her.  Diotima has it right, contact equals pain.  Stay strong and protect yourself--don't do it!  

Happy happy birthday!

[Carri1]

She's baiting you!  Try to not take the bait...you prob will regret it. We know how hard it is!
Sometimes I just feel like throwing my phones away! 

Happy Birthday!   

Carri1

[Mauser]

The reason we have gone NC is because they are toxic people. They have hurt us. They have $crewed us over, and messed us up.

Normal friends, family, neighbors, exes, even (maybe) enemies we might wish a HB. Or if they do, we would naturally answer them back. That's the right thing to do, the polite thing to do. But we're not talking 'normal' here.

If you answer back, you're inviting more crazy into your life. Then the ball will be in her court, and I would bet you money that you will be waiting for her next text in response to yours.

[Sabine]

Oh defiantly do NOT take the bait!

It's your day not hers! Don't give her any credit for thinking of you on your day...

I broke up with mine on my birthday, he raged at me, took presents back from me, and threw flowers and water at me! Good riddance! He was only thinking of himself! They don't really care it's our birthdays or any other special day that happens in our lives. It's all about them.

Just enjoy your birthday and don't pay any attention to her attempts to hurt you again!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!   

[oletimefeelin]

This forum can be very cult-like in its staunch advocacy of nc.  In particular, the way people vilify these disordered people.  I would hope people all strive one day to come from a place of acceptance rather than anger and bitterness.  I do get that many of these people did horrible things to you guys. 

I am going to counter the masses here.  If you want to respond, why?  If you want to be friendly and keep your responses to a simple thank you.  If she persists you can follow with something shutting it down, such as this is not the right time for me I hope you can understand etc. 

I have to say I would probably say thanks.  Not to say I'd respond in 90 seconds but I would respond at some point.  If this is early for you and the wounds are very raw then save it. 

[diotima]

oletime: I can appreciate your response because NC is often a process rather than a fiat. My NC evolved gradually because I learned over time that every time I had contact I suffered enormously. That may be true for others too. Perhaps we all have to figure out the process for ourselves. Those of us who finally did go through the process are trying to save others from the pain--and I think that may have a lot to do with what is happening here. it is an empathy response. But each of us has to make personal choices.
Diotima

[diotima]

ps: I forgot to add to oletime that I think the questions you asked are very good.

[oletimefeelin]

oletime: I can appreciate your response because NC is often a process rather than a fiat. My NC evolved gradually because I learned over time that every time I had contact I suffered enormously. That may be true for others too. Perhaps we all have to figure out the process for ourselves. Those of us who finally did go through the process are trying to save others from the pain--and I think that may have a lot to do with what is happening here. it is an empathy response. But each of us has to make personal choices.
Diotima

Completely fair.  Full disclosure: I have not been in contact with her for almost 6 months.  I totally get that it's about not getting trapped in that vortex again.  One thank you can lead to a lot of pain.  The original poster knows his situation better than anyone.  For example, I'd never say thank you to someone who cheated in me. He also knows where he stands in the healing process. 

[diotima]

Agreed.

[sm15000]

I really feel the FOG hittin me again

I think this is the reason you should say no. . .and not the breaking of NC specifically.  At the moment the NC is keeping in place the protection you still seem to need if one text has cause an inner panic.

I have returned "Happy B/Day" etc texts and believe me, they will run with it and will try to pull you into the vortex again.  If you do reply you will have to be prepared for that.