Adult daughter NC with me

[Think About It...]

My daughter is 20, does not speak to me - it's been 2 months I think this time - and I just found out she got "kicked" out of her residential program last night for breaking a rule.  I'm not sure if my worry for her or my anger at the treatment facility is greater.

She leans on my ex (her dad) when she doesn't speak to me, and vice verse - it flip flops every 6 months or so seemingly without cause.  A bad incident with her gf left her suicidal and going into treatment this last go around, but her desire to keep the gf put the blame on me...I try to go with it knowing it really isn't me (even though it's so super hard).  Don't get me wrong - it took me 4 years to understand that.

My concern is that she let her father know she's suicidal, and the facility turned her out in that state of mind.  She has attempted suicide 3 times, and two other times put herself in treatment before she attempted.  Her father doesn't really understand the depth of the disorder, or even how affected she really is...I think he is very co-dependent so as not to upset things.  I sent her a text message saying I love her, and I'm not sure if it was out of desperation of possibilities or if I was hoping she would find her way back home.

I feel kind of lost, and really out of control - and I'm not sure how to process it.  Any suggestions?

[listmom3]

My daughter is 20, does not speak to me - it's been 2 months I think this time - and I just found out she got "kicked" out of her residential program last night for breaking a rule.  I'm not sure if my worry for her or my anger at the treatment facility is greater.

She leans on my ex (her dad) when she doesn't speak to me, and vice verse - it flip flops every 6 months or so seemingly without cause.  A bad incident with her gf left her suicidal and going into treatment this last go around, but her desire to keep the gf put the blame on me...I try to go with it knowing it really isn't me (even though it's so super hard).  Don't get me wrong - it took me 4 years to understand that.

My concern is that she let her father know she's suicidal, and the facility turned her out in that state of mind.  She has attempted suicide 3 times, and two other times put herself in treatment before she attempted.  Her father doesn't really understand the depth of the disorder, or even how affected she really is...I think he is very co-dependent so as not to upset things.  I sent her a text message saying I love her, and I'm not sure if it was out of desperation of possibilities or if I was hoping she would find her way back home.

I feel kind of lost, and really out of control - and I'm not sure how to process it.  Any suggestions?

[Violet719]

Do you know where she is?  Is she with her father?  Can you call him and find out if he has any information?  If she is with him, would he be able to monitor her and/or get her to emergency services if he thinks she needs help?  Ditto for the gf.  Do you have a way of contacting her?   If your D is out on the street, consider contacting the police. I have no experience with this and don't know how cooperative they would be, but I'm pretty sure that if they find her and consider her suicidal, they will take her to the emergency services. If nothing else, she would get the message that suicide threats are taken seriously and that you cared enough to find her.  Another possibility is that your D needs time alone to process everything in her own way.  My uBPDd19 often seems to get over her crises on her own; the best thing sometimes is to let her come to her own conclusions and decisions.  What seems like a catastrophe one day becomes "it's the past - get over it" the next day.  You know her well - what do you think she is doing?  What can you do?  There may not be a whole lot, but if there are options, what would be in her best interest?

I'm sorry I'm not much help.  There are others on this board who have been through this, and I hope they will respond.  I just saw that there weren't any replies, and I wanted to let you know that your post was read and that there is support here.

[heronbird]

Hi, sorry for what you are going through, I have been through same thing and its heartbreaking, you feel like you have lost them when they do this and the first time was such a shock for me and I handled it all wrong.

I think if she got kicked out of the residential prog for breaking a rule, then they must have to have firm boundaries and I think thats not such a bad thing, having said that I am annoyed now that 18 months ago same thing happend to my dd and they kicked her out too soon and she had another crisis after that, so it was wrong really.

I think sometimes men dont see things in the same way as us mums, my dh sometimes doesnt seem to get it like I do and we live all together, so he has seen dd in hospital 13 times in a crisis.

Yep, I feel lost and out of control gosh, so heartbreaking. I just have to sit here, do nothing and  hope I dont get a call from the Police. I have rang loads of places to try to get help but no one can help. They say its my dds choice, so ridiculas.

I would say less is more, so the text saying I love you was perfect. When my dd is home and in a good mood, she likes watching this certain tv prog with me. So I  might text her to say, I miss watching Corrie with you. I dont expect a reply, I just hope and pray that I am drip feading her and the thought of normality might be tempting to her.

But she does concrete thinking and she cant always hear what I am saying if you get what I mean