Successful launch (mostly)

[Think About It...]

  Well the day finally came...had serious doubts it would, but lord almighty she's launched at last!

DD found a very nice roomate to share a dual-master apartment with. About 5 miles from us and 6 miles from work. We helped her move in on Sunday, had a nice Mothers Day lunch/dinner together. Her room is empty! Its so weird!

Pros: its a safe, healthy situation, very appropriate (rather than an 'herb friendly" or party house...or with a guy). Price is good, fits (just) into her budget. She left without any urging from us, in excellent spirits and all of us in a good mood. she was kind enough to take her old, worrywart mother to meet her roommate and look over the apt and lease. She left for age-appropriate reasons- more social freedom, and ability to keep her pets.

Con: she still has her POS car. She's been clear about wanting to use pot "for ocassional recreational use". Actually, I'm not sure the last qualifies as a true Con; Almost same reason her stepbrother moved out last year, and he left in a huff to live with his suspected BPD girlfriend! At least DD isn't moving in with BF (says she's done with him and only stayed so she could keep her pets) and at least she didn't leave in a storm of tears and recriminations.

All told, I feel pretty good. I'd rather she weren't smoking weed and I expect she'll still see BF, but it went better than I ever thought it would. Now, lets see how long it lasts!

vivgood

[Vivgood]

  Well the day finally came...had serious doubts it would, but lord almighty she's launched at last!

DD found a very nice roomate to share a dual-master apartment with. About 5 miles from us and 6 miles from work. We helped her move in on Sunday, had a nice Mothers Day lunch/dinner together. Her room is empty! Its so weird!

Pros: its a safe, healthy situation, very appropriate (rather than an 'herb friendly" or party house...or with a guy). Price is good, fits (just) into her budget. She left without any urging from us, in excellent spirits and all of us in a good mood. she was kind enough to take her old, worrywart mother to meet her roommate and look over the apt and lease. She left for age-appropriate reasons- more social freedom, and ability to keep her pets.

Con: she still has her POS car. She's been clear about wanting to use pot "for ocassional recreational use". Actually, I'm not sure the last qualifies as a true Con; Almost same reason her stepbrother moved out last year, and he left in a huff to live with his suspected BPD girlfriend! At least DD isn't moving in with BF (says she's done with him and only stayed so she could keep her pets) and at least she didn't leave in a storm of tears and recriminations.

All told, I feel pretty good. I'd rather she weren't smoking weed and I expect she'll still see BF, but it went better than I ever thought it would. Now, lets see how long it lasts!

vivgood

[peaceplease]

Vivgood,

I know that is a good feeling when they successfully launch!  I am happy that my dd is no longer living with me.  Although, I can't say that I am happy with where she is living now.  I never liked the neighborhood, and she told me her ex will not allow my gs to stay with her, anymore.  I can not blame him at all.  There was a shooting incident in the complex, yesterday.  Nobody was hit, but they were trying to shoot a nineteen year-old.  This is a poor drug infested public housing site.  I told my dd that I did not like the neighborhood when she was moving there.  She was offended because I would never visit her.  I told her that I was afraid of her neighborhood. 

I am happy that your dd has moved out, and it is good for all. Being close enough to you and work sounds good.  A decent roommate.  And, no pushing needed from you.

I am happy for you!

 
peaceplease

[mikmik]

Sounds like a very productive and settling mother's day.  I am so happy for you.  There will always be cons, no way to avoid that, but the pros sound wonderful.

mikmik

[Vivgood]

Thanks!

It was a VERY strange MD gift...talk about mixed blessings! I'm happy, worried, relieved, sad, etc


vivgood

[vivekananda]

Congratulations Vivgood 

Good luck with the journey from now on.

My uBPDd31 left home at 18 - very independent minded and it gave her the freedom to do whatever she liked. Not a good decision for her, but dh and I were able to reconstruct our peaceful household.

Most importantly it seems to me that she is trying to 'do the right thing' if she takes you to the new place and introduces her room mate to you. There is a lot of positive in that to build on.

viv

[j's friend]

Great news Vivgood that your dd has acheived this milestone and that it came of her own choosing.
I think it makes a difference when they leave this way and feel as if they have our support as opposed to feeling that we forced them out.

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[heronbird]

Im thinking that my dd might be going along those lines too. Will it make things easier for you? in what way do you think?

What happens about her medication, does she have that, does she have the whole lot.

[Vivgood]

Its easier for me in that I'm good at "out of sight, out of mind". I won't fret about things I can't control anyway (school-is she really going?; BF-is she still seeing him?). DD has been in charge of her own meds for a while now. We still cover the cost, but she does refills, pick-ups, daily dosing, herself. She is on Prozac daily and Xanax as needed, and BC pills. She takes them religiously because I always have, and because she knows she feels better on them than off. I'd prefer she did the Mirena or an implant for BC, but she only has 4 periods/year on the pill and she won't change that! not that I blame her...

A large part of the reason this went so well and was primarily DD-orchestrated, is that she has a new job where she is VERY busy, pushed to the limit of her skills/abilities, and allowed to take as much responsibility as she can. She adores animals and always has, so working in the field is a mark in the "success" column, and this particular situation allows her to make a mark in that column nearly every day. DH calls it "getting some air beneath her wings". Its hard for BPDs to follow through with opportunities to catch positive air, but because she loves the field so much and feels like the animals are depending on her, she has been following through (so far). Intesting that BPDs respond so poorly to HUMANS depending on them, but for DD at least, the need/dependence of animals triggers a desire to meet those needs.

vivgood

[heronbird]

Well, I think a lot of that sounds so possitive viv, under the circumstances of BPD.

My dd loves animals and children, she says she can relate to children especially when they are crying, thats a bit sad really isnt it.

The med thing worries me about my dd, she takes extra if she feels worse if she can get her hands on it, she knows she has an addictive nature so she shouldnt mind me looking after her medication but she hates that. She is always nagging me for sleeping tablets, she likes the feeling when she takes too many I think but they are adictive. They are 3.5 mg and she thinks they are 7mg, she takes two and 7mg is the max so its a good job she is taking 2 of the 3.5s.

Dds going to be applying for housing in two weeks when she is 18, she doesnt know it but they only want to give her assisted housing and she wont like that.

Its true, while shes not here I dont know what shes up to so I cant see it, I still live my life and dont worry. Every now and again I think, I wonder, and that is hard. She could be druged up every night, shes certainaly not living a great life right now.