It doesn't sound like one. ?
For her refusal to be involved with your children, and the fact that she won't help out with their needs, I think all that can help is a good dose of Radical Acceptance.
For the other stuff- the bad language and ultimatums, Lesson 4,
particularly the one at the top about crisis management, should help you out. And, as upsetting as it can be, if she leaves the house, she isn't there to upset your time with your children anymore- I say, let her go until she is ready to come back- this seems like a classic example of 'pick me or them'- she is baiting to see if you will follow her outside or stay with your children, and if you cave, it will likely continue forever. (While this is a level my uNPDh would never 'lower himself to', my dBPDexbf, and 3 of my brothers' BPDexgf's did it all the time
and it does just get worse if you follow them.)
Boundaries are probably the single most important thing to start with now and carry forward in this situation- your time with your children is precious- take it, and have fun with them, regardless of her behaviour; she will have to accept eventually that you won't cave, no matter how she behaves.