i just re-read my original post here and i just wanted to share the space i/we are in today. it can change externally so much and i think this is a good reminder that he can do all the BPD stuff in the world and dysregulate and freak out and i can react and freak out, but the good stuff is always still there...that he always "comes back" (his words)..
we are like a normal couple the past few days. i rarely share here when things are good, which is maybe half the time?
so, we are cuddling, affectionate, holding hands, being sexual, went out of town to a music show, he made dinner, we got ice cream out twice this weekend, lots of contentment, and enjoying each other's company, laughing, went for walks, discussing future, talking about how to better care for my dog and he as so helpful, he washed his feet, and put on my dogs new "thundershirt" without even telling me, he did the dishes, he laid on the couch and read for 2 hours and i did my own thing, him telling me about his therapy session and how hard and good it was, praying together, reading to each other from recovery and spiritual books, leaning on each other (literally) at the show, and laughing at how old we are, and how tired we were by 930. sharing responsibilities, talking through some issues that came up in a really adult, respectful way, discussing out business and making plans around that...
so NOW, i am not bracing myself, but should probab;y be prepared for the distancing...
BUT my point is that we are good, for now, for today, and underneath, we are real, we do have enormous love for each other, we are like best friends, we are romantic, we do get along and enjoy each other, we do have the capacity to flow and be healthy together...
i just wanted to share the good stuff. this is what outweighs the bad, and what makes it worth it..if it could only be like this all the time...
