A time out is sometimes necessary. Time to get your thoughts together.
Using SET and validation is always a good approach. As you described, she was going through periods of dysregulation. What you said and did is perfectly normal. Sometimes you can try everything and she will still have to go through her ups and downs. It's how you take care of yourself, in the meantime, that is important so that you can maintain your strength.
So, next steps...she is aware that she needs to think about another job. You have approached that subject with her slowly, and consistently. You cannot make her decisions for her. All you can do is nudge her, with care, and continue using the tools, and taking time outs when necessary.
As for her flip flopping on the events, well, I would say that you need to choose your "battles". I know underneath, it may bother you, but truly, it's just a schedule adjustment. Do you have some obligation to either event that you need to fulfill? If so, you don't necessarily need to go to the same one, do you?
Day by day...keep us posted. Sounds like you are doing the best you can. Don't forget to be mindful of your needs.