How long will my ex BPD resent me... ?

[Think About It...]

Isn't that why we got so confused? The actions didn't match the words. One day, sad, lonely, grateful for the companionship. Next hour, vindictive, abusive, telling me she would like to drag a set of keys down the side of her ex's car. Too hard basket.

[bpdlover]

Isn't that why we got so confused? The actions didn't match the words. One day, sad, lonely, grateful for the companionship. Next hour, vindictive, abusive, telling me she would like to drag a set of keys down the side of her ex's car. Too hard basket.

[nonbpd]

Guess there is a short answer to your question...witch I think you allready know: if he needs you in any way badly...he will not resent you anymore. If there is someone else who feels the void...and another one after...and another one after...in short times in between...forever. I depends on geographical distance, how many people they have around to give them what they need, how available are you when he tries to get to you...so many factors...
Sorry 4 being so abrupt...But sometime I feel short answers resonate to me harder!
take care! All my best wishes!

[bpdlover]

I think resentment fills them up with at least something. Who would they be without conflict? The longer my ex and her family pretend I am something I'm not, the longer they will stay away. I'm happy with that. Paternity tests are coming to a court near them soon! That way we can finally determine who the child of her triangulation (read definition) is.

[bpdlover]

Thanks so much White Doe. I certainly will. Glad to hear the the pain is lessening today. Bottle it! I am firm about NC but I am also realistic that if she tries, it will be very disruptive and I will need a lot of support. As you know I am committed to T ongoing and also here regularly, however with the RO over, I also need to take positive steps to end the punishing game she has played that has not only hurt me, but her child. He has a right to know who his Father is, as I do. I pay child support and have never been 100% sure because of her triangulation (read definition) leading up to conception. She can resent me and be completely oblivious to the facts, but living a cyclic lie must be getting tiring. I certainly understand the illness better than when I was with her so I do not hate her. I have accepted that as a part time self, has little choice but to act in this way, however it is unfair for her children to be subjected to such emotional turmoil day to day.

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? This board is for members with failed or failing relationships that want to detach from their relationship and relationship wounds. If you are still analyzing the decision to stay, please post on Undecided: Staying or Leaving All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)

[Mauser]

My T tells me that this "hate" piece was there all along but "hidden" from me... or at least much more "subtle"... Now, my ex has truly "removed the mask" so to speak... Yes, I suppose they do need to fill themselves with something? My ex is in "full blown hate"?

WD that really makes so much sense. I know we learn here that BPD is 100%, black or white, love or hate. (which is true in many instances). But many times while we were together, I felt this underlying presense of hatred, like he was just tolerating me.  Kind of strange to experience out of nowhere, on a dinner date or out shopping.  The hate part was very subtle.

[suz124w]

WD,

Even if we do know about personality disorders in general, we may not spot the signs as they are insidious and incremental. 

Just to give you an idea of what I mean, when I met my exuBPD I was telling him about a former male friend (platonic) who I suspected had BPD from the sound of things. This friend had been really close to me and had painted me black and was really vicious in the end.  My ex works as  a support worker (!) and so I thought he'd have an insight into this disorder and told him of my suspicions.  I remember he answered that 'neither of the two personalities were the real him'.  I thought he was well researched or had personal experience of pds...

Little did I realise just how personal!

I believe he was aware of his own disorder but just hoped I would save him.  Unfortunately, although he never told me, the truth will out.  It took me three years of confusion and hurt (as you say the hate was omnipresent and would leak out intermittently) to begin to see the big picture.  When I thought I couldn't live with it anymore I ended it and he turned the full blast of hate on me replacing me within days.  Ignorant of this and baffled, I initiated a friendship but it was too painful and I can see that NC is the only way to go.

Of course, that hurts too, but I am too wounded to take any more and it's the lesser of two evils (excuse the pun!)

[suz124w]

p.s  As someone said on one of these boards, I was his clean slate.

But now I have to be wiped clean so he can start afresh.

[suz124w]

WD,

Thanks.  I loved my ex in exactly the way you describe.  I felt really tender towards him and he that was so lovely.  I also found him so aesthetically beautiful which is maybe superficial but it's true and I took great delight in that.  People go on about the sex on these boards.  For me, it wasn't the best sex I've had, but the tenderness I[ experienced heightened my own pleasure if you like.

He knew that of course (because I told him myself!) and that was what he used against me in the end.  Beside the cutting and cruel remarks, the rewriting of history etc, he would hold up his hand and declare 'no sexual contact'.  It was incredibly hurtful!  Once he stayed the night and insisted on keeping his clothes on and his shirt buttoned up.  I tried to rise above it but lost the rag because I was so upset.  He accused me of always wanting to be 'inappropriate' with him.  I was angry and responded 'Look, I don't actually want to have sex with you.  You are up for grabs on a dating site and I don't know where you've been!'.  He was incandescent with rage and I had one of the most hateful scenes of my life to contend with, a scene which still haunts me today (and would you believe Istill feel guilty!

Ludicrous!

[myself]

One thing that is really helping me get through this stuff is: seeing how so very often what my ex said about me was really about herself. I mean when it comes down to negative stuff. Yelling, lying, breaking us up... I made extra sure NOT to do those things, yet here it is, all on me (in her eyes). And you know what? It helps me be an even better person, even less likely to hurt the ones I love. I'm More aware of patterns like that now. As much as someone can turn their stuff around on you, it can be turned around inside us--- in POSITIVE ways! So in regards to the question here, remember to turn that back around: How long will it be that you're resenting her? The sooner you stop (while facing what you need to, healing along the way) the better off you'll be.

[Mirdin]

OK, first of all, you need to be sure your ex had BPD. Analyze the relationship, and compare the symptoms. After that you need to know which kind of BPD she is. Borderline Queen, Borderline Witch, Borderline Hermit or Borderline Waif. Only then you can start answering your questions. Most things are common, however, there are many subtle smaller things that they said/did which will help you understand why and what they feel/felt. You must also understand that usually with a BPD out of sight means out of mind, until they need you for something. They DO NOT think like you, they DO NOT miss you or think of you if they have another "source" of affection. They are emotional vampires, they feed off emotions, they are an emotional black hole, that needs to be fed and no matter how much you give, it is never enough. And at one point, you fall into the black hole yourself. You think you know your ex? Think again. BPD's wear a mask for everyone, one for you, one for friends, one for family, one for strangers. My ex was a Borderline Waif, the "victim". Trust me she seemed the most innocent, purest and heartbroken person on earth. Too bad for her I was too smart to be manipulated and lied to after a while. Remember this, 9 out of 10 sentences are lies with a BPD. They are the prefect chameleons. They change into what is exactly needed at the time, victim, abuser, seducer, friend etc. Remember the black and white thinking, you are either Good (A deity) or bad (the Devil) in their eyes and that will change, one time your are Bad, one time you are good, it all depends on THEM and what they THINK you did. My advice, after a 6 year relationship with a Borderline Waif, don't walk... RUN! Run and don't look back. You are right now a shadow of your former self, she simply sucked you dry (sounds cruel, but trust me, in a couple of months you will agree). You miss being worshiped, needed, being the savior. Think of her as the most selfish person you ever met, now multiply that by 10. You don't want HER as SHE as a person is non existent, she does not have a personality, she is like a mosaic, made of of multiple pieces of personalities she stole (copied) over the years. Forget what she said, you lived in a trapped bubble of lies. She distorted your reality, she dragged you into her imaginative world and beat you with experience. Now, that you are back in the REAL world, it seems so unreal, you have no idea what happened, how it happened, you are confused. Trust me, I know. Do what I did, break it off, COMPLETELY, whatever you do, DO NOT contact, look at her pictures, Facebook, whatever reminds you of her. Go out, rebuild the contact with your friends (from which she surely distanced you slowly), rebuild your connection with your family. They are the ones you need, NOT your BPD ex. Even if you go back, it will be fine for a couple of weeks, maybe 1 month, after that it will happen all over again. My ex wanted to come back for 6 months. She did everything, she tried everything. I held my position. Once she found another victim, I was history, worthless and you don;t want to know the things she said to me. Too bad for her I knew that will happen so I held my ground. Of course, after that, she told me "You don't know why I really wanted to come back", but yes I did, it was to hurt me because I left her, for revenge. They have NO empathy, they DO NOT care what you feel or think, never did, never will. It's all a mindgame and you are still dwelling on it. Once you hurt them, they will NEVER forget it, no matter how small or big the deed and they will blame you for it even after years. They even blame you for THEIR mistakes, trust me. They will make you think YOU are the crazy one. You have no idea of the dangers. Be smart, there are girls/guys out there that will love you for who you are, not for who they need you to be. MOVE ON, NOW! Don't look back, for your own sake and mental health! Close the chapter. Enjoy life. You DO NOT deserve this. You deserve to be loved, appreciated and cared for, NOT lied to, manipulated and sucked dry. A relationship is a partnership. Simple, so find one, once you heal a little. I count myself one of the lucky ones, I survived, barely, but I did, emotionally and mentally, but it was close, so if you need advice, or if you want to know my story (which I am sure will resemble a lot with yours) just let me know. Remember. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

Good luck!

[matwater]

Great words Mirdin perfect to start my weekend away with friends.

[bpdlover]

So true. Good post Mirdin, welcome. This encapsulated the experience very well. After believing the most convincing liar I had ever met, it was a real slap in the face to over time, discover who this vampire was. Let them resent you, but stay away and give them nothing more to play with.

[sirhero]

OK, first of all, you need to be sure your ex had BPD. Analyze the relationship, and compare the symptoms. After that you need to know which kind of BPD she is. Borderline Queen, Borderline Witch, Borderline Hermit or Borderline Waif. Only then you can start answering your questions. Most things are common, however, there are many subtle smaller things that they said/did which will help you understand why and what they feel/felt. You must also understand that usually with a BPD out of sight means out of mind, until they need you for something. They DO NOT think like you, they DO NOT miss you or think of you if they have another "source" of affection. They are emotional vampires, they feed off emotions, they are an emotional black hole, that needs to be fed and no matter how much you give, it is never enough. And at one point, you fall into the black hole yourself. You think you know your ex? Think again. BPD's wear a mask for everyone, one for you, one for friends, one for family, one for strangers. My ex was a Borderline Waif, the "victim". Trust me she seemed the most innocent, purest and heartbroken person on earth. Too bad for her I was too smart to be manipulated and lied to after a while. Remember this, 9 out of 10 sentences are lies with a BPD. They are the prefect chameleons. They change into what is exactly needed at the time, victim, abuser, seducer, friend etc. Remember the black and white thinking, you are either Good (A deity) or bad (the Devil) in their eyes and that will change, one time your are Bad, one time you are good, it all depends on THEM and what they THINK you did. My advice, after a 6 year relationship with a Borderline Waif, don't walk... RUN! Run and don't look back. You are right now a shadow of your former self, she simply sucked you dry (sounds cruel, but trust me, in a couple of months you will agree). You miss being worshiped, needed, being the savior. Think of her as the most selfish person you ever met, now multiply that by 10. You don't want HER as SHE as a person is non existent, she does not have a personality, she is like a mosaic, made of of multiple pieces of personalities she stole (copied) over the years. Forget what she said, you lived in a trapped bubble of lies. She distorted your reality, she dragged you into her imaginative world and beat you with experience. Now, that you are back in the REAL world, it seems so unreal, you have no idea what happened, how it happened, you are confused. Trust me, I know. Do what I did, break it off, COMPLETELY, whatever you do, DO NOT contact, look at her pictures, Facebook, whatever reminds you of her. Go out, rebuild the contact with your friends (from which she surely distanced you slowly), rebuild your connection with your family. They are the ones you need, NOT your BPD ex. Even if you go back, it will be fine for a couple of weeks, maybe 1 month, after that it will happen all over again. My ex wanted to come back for 6 months. She did everything, she tried everything. I held my position. Once she found another victim, I was history, worthless and you don;t want to know the things she said to me. Too bad for her I knew that will happen so I held my ground. Of course, after that, she told me "You don't know why I really wanted to come back", but yes I did, it was to hurt me because I left her, for revenge. They have NO empathy, they DO NOT care what you feel or think, never did, never will. It's all a mindgame and you are still dwelling on it. Once you hurt them, they will NEVER forget it, no matter how small or big the deed and they will blame you for it even after years. They even blame you for THEIR mistakes, trust me. They will make you think YOU are the crazy one. You have no idea of the dangers. Be smart, there are girls/guys out there that will love you for who you are, not for who they need you to be. MOVE ON, NOW! Don't look back, for your own sake and mental health! Close the chapter. Enjoy life. You DO NOT deserve this. You deserve to be loved, appreciated and cared for, NOT lied to, manipulated and sucked dry. A relationship is a partnership. Simple, so find one, once you heal a little. I count myself one of the lucky ones, I survived, barely, but I did, emotionally and mentally, but it was close, so if you need advice, or if you want to know my story (which I am sure will resemble a lot with yours) just let me know. Remember. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

Good luck!

Holy crap your post rocks, please share your story.

[SerenityNow1]

Thanks Mirdin. One of the best posts I've read on here and I needed that today.

[redberry]

I agree. Great post, Mirdin!  Please tell us your story.

[BPD Magnet 1]

OK, first of all, you need to be sure your ex had BPD. Analyze the relationship, and compare the symptoms. After that you need to know which kind of BPD she is. Borderline Queen, Borderline Witch, Borderline Hermit or Borderline Waif. Only then you can start answering your questions. Most things are common, however, there are many subtle smaller things that they said/did which will help you understand why and what they feel/felt. You must also understand that usually with a BPD out of sight means out of mind, until they need you for something. They DO NOT think like you, they DO NOT miss you or think of you if they have another "source" of affection. They are emotional vampires, they feed off emotions, they are an emotional black hole, that needs to be fed and no matter how much you give, it is never enough. And at one point, you fall into the black hole yourself. You think you know your ex? Think again. BPD's wear a mask for everyone, one for you, one for friends, one for family, one for strangers. My ex was a Borderline Waif, the "victim". Trust me she seemed the most innocent, purest and heartbroken person on earth. Too bad for her I was too smart to be manipulated and lied to after a while. Remember this, 9 out of 10 sentences are lies with a BPD. They are the prefect chameleons. They change into what is exactly needed at the time, victim, abuser, seducer, friend etc. Remember the black and white thinking, you are either Good (A deity) or bad (the Devil) in their eyes and that will change, one time your are Bad, one time you are good, it all depends on THEM and what they THINK you did. My advice, after a 6 year relationship with a Borderline Waif, don't walk... RUN! Run and don't look back. You are right now a shadow of your former self, she simply sucked you dry (sounds cruel, but trust me, in a couple of months you will agree). You miss being worshiped, needed, being the savior. Think of her as the most selfish person you ever met, now multiply that by 10. You don't want HER as SHE as a person is non existent, she does not have a personality, she is like a mosaic, made of of multiple pieces of personalities she stole (copied) over the years. Forget what she said, you lived in a trapped bubble of lies. She distorted your reality, she dragged you into her imaginative world and beat you with experience. Now, that you are back in the REAL world, it seems so unreal, you have no idea what happened, how it happened, you are confused. Trust me, I know. Do what I did, break it off, COMPLETELY, whatever you do, DO NOT contact, look at her pictures, Facebook, whatever reminds you of her. Go out, rebuild the contact with your friends (from which she surely distanced you slowly), rebuild your connection with your family. They are the ones you need, NOT your BPD ex. Even if you go back, it will be fine for a couple of weeks, maybe 1 month, after that it will happen all over again. My ex wanted to come back for 6 months. She did everything, she tried everything. I held my position. Once she found another victim, I was history, worthless and you don;t want to know the things she said to me. Too bad for her I knew that will happen so I held my ground. Of course, after that, she told me "You don't know why I really wanted to come back", but yes I did, it was to hurt me because I left her, for revenge. They have NO empathy, they DO NOT care what you feel or think, never did, never will. It's all a mindgame and you are still dwelling on it. Once you hurt them, they will NEVER forget it, no matter how small or big the deed and they will blame you for it even after years. They even blame you for THEIR mistakes, trust me. They will make you think YOU are the crazy one. You have no idea of the dangers. Be smart, there are girls/guys out there that will love you for who you are, not for who they need you to be. MOVE ON, NOW! Don't look back, for your own sake and mental health! Close the chapter. Enjoy life. You DO NOT deserve this. You deserve to be loved, appreciated and cared for, NOT lied to, manipulated and sucked dry. A relationship is a partnership. Simple, so find one, once you heal a little. I count myself one of the lucky ones, I survived, barely, but I did, emotionally and mentally, but it was close, so if you need advice, or if you want to know my story (which I am sure will resemble a lot with yours) just let me know. Remember. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

Good luck!

[Mirdin]

Thanks for everyone, I will share my complete story in detail, however I believe I will have to make a new post for it as it will be pretty long (and detailed). However, I can tell you what I did to get answers for so many questions. Of course I asked my ex, many times, sat down had a nice little conversation, asked the questions she asked hers, I told her the truth, she lied through her teeth. When something she said did not make sense or had no basis to any logic, I knew it was a lie. So I searched for answers myself. I started off with trying to analyze myself, why am I feeling this way and why did she had that hold on me. So I searched for clues, depression, obsessive-compulsive PD whatever made sense to my behavior. Nothing matched completely, I was in a mild depression, but I later realized it was because of my questions not being answered only with lies. So I started looking up her behavior. Also started with depression as that is easily recognizable. It matched, went further, obsessive-compulsive behavior, it matched as well, so I kept going and going, reached Bi-Polar disorder, matched as well. And then I saw the next step. Borderline Personality disorder. I had no idea what that was, I never heard of it. SO i got curious, started reading, symptoms, stories, analysis of patients with BPD, out of the 9 symptoms, all matched. I was blown away. But I felt there was more to it. So I did a more detailed analysis, with 50 symptoms, out of the 50, 48 matched (2 did not because I guess I did not know about them or saw them, these 2 are cheating and alcohol/drug abuse). Maybe she did those things, maybe she didn't, it did not matter, first because I did not want to know and second all other symptoms that matched were too much of a coincidence to not be true. So I searched further. I found out about the 4 main types of BPD (in women, in men they are harder to spot). Borderline Queen, Borderline Witch, Borderline Hermit and Borderline Waif. I read through all. When I read about the Waif, I felt like that EURIKA moment, when absolutely everything falls into place, every question is answered and you get this sensation of extreme freedom and excitement. Why? Because now you know. And what you don't know, you don't want to know. It is hard enough to realize and cope with the fact that for 6 years and 3 months you were abused, emotionally blackmailed, manipulated and lied to endlessly. And while you knew something was not right, you kept on hoping, hey maybe things will change, I need to change or need to communicate more. That's self-denial and it all came from her. How many things she projected on me, it's unbelievable, I became someone I never was, I did not recognize myself, so I knew I had to do something. There was that little voice in the back of my head yelling, SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT HERE! How did I survive? I defended myself. Sadly, in a manner I never thought would help. In some ways, I became her. But still my own personality survived. First, I shutdown emotionally, I started giving less and less, then I started distancing myself from her, I started doing things I missed and wanted to do, started new things, hoping she would support me. And whatever she said, I DID NOT BUDGE. I wanted to go out with my friends? I told her, I am going out, you want to come along? No? You feel sick? Ok, go home and go to sleep. I went anyway. I wanted to play a game on my PC? She came over, I told her 5 minutes and I will finish, of course she resented that, but I did it anyway. It made me feel good, she only pissed me off. So, after a while, she started loosing more and more grip, I did more and more the things I enjoyed and saw her less and less because she rejected me, was sick or her mother was sick. She always had something when I wanted to do something. So I said fine, I will not waste my life, just because you have problems, every time I tried to help, she said she could handle it, when I didn't (because she could handle it) of course I was the bad guy for not helping and not caring. So whatever I did, it was never good. So I said to myself, if nothing is good for her, whatever I do, I will stop doing things. She lost control over me. Her mindgames backfired, she panicked, tried the push and pull tactic, sadly for her, I was already pushing her away, she tried the "victim" tactic, after so much rejection, I did not really care, she tried the sex tactic (I want you so much), refused. That blew her away, I never refused her before, but I was already seeing through her (without knowing what it was, except that it was no good for me). I started seeing the mindgames. So I ignored them. I did not ignore her, I was still caring and loving, but ONLY when she deserved it. I was always wondering, why was she behaving like a 3 year old child. So I started treating her like one, you do good, you get candy, you do bad, you get punishment. It worked, she calmed down, she stopped being passive-agressive, her anger turned into pain, she did exactly what she was afraid of, rejection. So I left her on her 2 feet, you say you can do that? Prove it. She didn't no candy. You told me we will go there? We didn't, no candy. By candy I mean affection from my part. You want it? You need it? EARN IT! So she tried, failed miserably, as she tried to control me again once I started showing affection, so I realized, it's a cycle, it always repeats, same patterns, same tactics, you know the saying, when you keep the chain too tight, they will break it, when you keep the chain too loose, they will run away. Since she was a BPD living on the extremes (I did not know yet), she did both, once she kept me too tight, once to loose. So, I broke the chain and I ran away. I though it was the end, it was over. Not even by a longshot, the bad things just started happening, she took off her mask, and for those who saw predator, thin about the sequence at the end when Arnold fights the Predator and the Predator takes off his mask. Boy oh boy I was in for the real ride... However, I wrote enough for know, the story is longer much detailed and more structured, so I will have to share it with you in another post. I will put the link in here if that is allowed, if not, I will give you the title for it. My advice for those who were left by a BPD or broke it off with a BPD, MAKE SURE IT IS OVER. Those who are with a BPD, you can try and you may have a really small chance, but pray to GOD you are made of Iron, have nerves of steel and unlimited patience. If not, you are going down with the ship captain... But ask yourself this, IS IT WORTH IT? Those small moments of happiness? They are amazing, yes, but put things in balance, take a paper, write down the good things on the right side and bad on the left. If things are still good, enjoy it, once they get messy, you have 2 choices. Try and try and try and hope to succeed (if you REALLY love her and is not your mind playing tricks) or get out while you can... Give me about 3 days, I will write my story, I am sure it will help those that are in a BPD relationship and I am sure it will help you that are no longer. Why? Because it contains both. The start, the middle, the end and the aftermath. What I can say I am really glad about, is that even if it ended, I learned many things, about relationships, myself and psychology, how powerful it is, how powerful it can be, and how a deadly weapon it can be in the hand of people suffering from BPD and of course, how powerful of a healing tool it can be. For now, goodbye guys, I will be back, I promise, and I will share with you in detail, how I survived a Borderline Waif, the silent, but deadly BPD.

[sirhero]

Thanks for everyone, I will share my complete story in detail, however I believe I will have to make a new post for it as it will be pretty long (and detailed). However, I can tell you what I did to get answers for so many questions. Of course I asked my ex, many times, sat down had a nice little conversation, asked the questions she asked hers, I told her the truth, she lied through her teeth. When something she said did not make sense or had no basis to any logic, I knew it was a lie. So I searched for answers myself. I started off with trying to analyze myself, why am I feeling this way and why did she had that hold on me. So I searched for clues, depression, obsessive-compulsive PD whatever made sense to my behavior. Nothing matched completely, I was in a mild depression, but I later realized it was because of my questions not being answered only with lies. So I started looking up her behavior. Also started with depression as that is easily recognizable. It matched, went further, obsessive-compulsive behavior, it matched as well, so I kept going and going, reached Bi-Polar disorder, matched as well. And then I saw the next step. Borderline Personality disorder. I had no idea what that was, I never heard of it. SO i got curious, started reading, symptoms, stories, analysis of patients with BPD, out of the 9 symptoms, all matched. I was blown away. But I felt there was more to it. So I did a more detailed analysis, with 50 symptoms, out of the 50, 48 matched (2 did not because I guess I did not know about them or saw them, these 2 are cheating and alcohol/drug abuse). Maybe she did those things, maybe she didn't, it did not matter, first because I did not want to know and second all other symptoms that matched were too much of a coincidence to not be true. So I searched further. I found out about the 4 main types of BPD (in women, in men they are harder to spot). Borderline Queen, Borderline Witch, Borderline Hermit and Borderline Waif. I read through all. When I read about the Waif, I felt like that EURIKA moment, when absolutely everything falls into place, every question is answered and you get this sensation of extreme freedom and excitement. Why? Because now you know. And what you don't know, you don't want to know. It is hard enough to realize and cope with the fact that for 6 years and 3 months you were abused, emotionally blackmailed, manipulated and lied to endlessly. And while you knew something was not right, you kept on hoping, hey maybe things will change, I need to change or need to communicate more. That's self-denial and it all came from her. How many things she projected on me, it's unbelievable, I became someone I never was, I did not recognize myself, so I knew I had to do something. There was that little voice in the back of my head yelling, SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT HERE! How did I survive? I defended myself. Sadly, in a manner I never thought would help. In some ways, I became her. But still my own personality survived. First, I shutdown emotionally, I started giving less and less, then I started distancing myself from her, I started doing things I missed and wanted to do, started new things, hoping she would support me. And whatever she said, I DID NOT BUDGE. I wanted to go out with my friends? I told her, I am going out, you want to come along? No? You feel sick? Ok, go home and go to sleep. I went anyway. I wanted to play a game on my PC? She came over, I told her 5 minutes and I will finish, of course she resented that, but I did it anyway. It made me feel good, she only pissed me off. So, after a while, she started loosing more and more grip, I did more and more the things I enjoyed and saw her less and less because she rejected me, was sick or her mother was sick. She always had something when I wanted to do something. So I said fine, I will not waste my life, just because you have problems, every time I tried to help, she said she could handle it, when I didn't (because she could handle it) of course I was the bad guy for not helping and not caring. So whatever I did, it was never good. So I said to myself, if nothing is good for her, whatever I do, I will stop doing things. She lost control over me. Her mindgames backfired, she panicked, tried the push and pull tactic, sadly for her, I was already pushing her away, she tried the "victim" tactic, after so much rejection, I did not really care, she tried the sex tactic (I want you so much), refused. That blew her away, I never refused her before, but I was already seeing through her (without knowing what it was, except that it was no good for me). I started seeing the mindgames. So I ignored them. I did not ignore her, I was still caring and loving, but ONLY when she deserved it. I was always wondering, why was she behaving like a 3 year old child. So I started treating her like one, you do good, you get candy, you do bad, you get punishment. It worked, she calmed down, she stopped being passive-agressive, her anger turned into pain, she did exactly what she was afraid of, rejection. So I left her on her 2 feet, you say you can do that? Prove it. She didn't no candy. You told me we will go there? We didn't, no candy. By candy I mean affection from my part. You want it? You need it? EARN IT! So she tried, failed miserably, as she tried to control me again once I started showing affection, so I realized, it's a cycle, it always repeats, same patterns, same tactics, you know the saying, when you keep the chain too tight, they will break it, when you keep the chain too loose, they will run away. Since she was a BPD living on the extremes (I did not know yet), she did both, once she kept me too tight, once to loose. So, I broke the chain and I ran away. I though it was the end, it was over. Not even by a longshot, the bad things just started happening, she took off her mask, and for those who saw predator, thin about the sequence at the end when Arnold fights the Predator and the Predator takes off his mask. Boy oh boy I was in for the real ride... However, I wrote enough for know, the story is longer much detailed and more structured, so I will have to share it with you in another post. I will put the link in here if that is allowed, if not, I will give you the title for it. My advice for those who were left by a BPD or broke it off with a BPD, MAKE SURE IT IS OVER. Those who are with a BPD, you can try and you may have a really small chance, but pray to GOD you are made of Iron, have nerves of steel and unlimited patience. If not, you are going down with the ship captain... But ask yourself this, IS IT WORTH IT? Those small moments of happiness? They are amazing, yes, but put things in balance, take a paper, write down the good things on the right side and bad on the left. If things are still good, enjoy it, once they get messy, you have 2 choices. Try and try and try and hope to succeed (if you REALLY love her and is not your mind playing tricks) or get out while you can... Give me about 3 days, I will write my story, I am sure it will help those that are in a BPD relationship and I am sure it will help you that are no longer. Why? Because it contains both. The start, the middle, the end and the aftermath. What I can say I am really glad about, is that even if it ended, I learned many things, about relationships, myself and psychology, how powerful it is, how powerful it can be, and how a deadly weapon it can be in the hand of people suffering from BPD and of course, how powerful of a healing tool it can be. For now, goodbye guys, I will be back, I promise, and I will share with you in detail, how I survived a Borderline Waif, the silent, but deadly BPD.

Wow I really can't wait to read this.

[BentNotBroken]

Not to be a jerk, but do you know what paragraphs are? They make it much easier to read when topics and subtopics are broken up into manageable chunks. I read the previous posts by mirdin, and while insightful they would be much more effective if broken up into readable chunks (paragraphs) instead of 18th century multi-page paragraphs.

Think of the new person here who is in the midst of being painted black, and their entire world has come crashing down. It's a little hard to concentrate under those conditions.

[BPD Magnet 1]

Not to be a jerk, but do you know what paragraphs are? They make it much easier to read when topics and subtopics are broken up into manageable chunks. I read the previous posts by mirdin, and while insightful they would be much more effective if broken up into readable chunks (paragraphs) instead of 18th century multi-page paragraphs.

Think of the new person here who is in the midst of being painted black, and their entire world has come crashing down. It's a little hard to concentrate under those conditions.

WOW!...After all he shared with us.After all the heart and soul he opened up with.After becoming VULNERABLE.And all you got to say is this..WOW,WOW,WOW...You sound like my Dad and Ex..You may have ''traits'' of BPD...rolmfao...

Maybe you should of sent him a PM in ''private''.Don't you think that would of been a bit more Polite.Then to SHAME him on here.?