How to support my own children when my BPD doesn't want me to.

[Think About It....]

My problem is that I'm living with a BPD wife and with her 2 children...and wanting not to expose my own children to her emotional volatility, I see them less - a lot less.  They're missing me and I'm them.  I willing to work to make the relationship work, ideally I want her to see what she's like - but can't - or don't know how.  What to do?

[rugby15]

My problem is that I'm living with a BPD wife and with her 2 children...and wanting not to expose my own children to her emotional volatility, I see them less - a lot less.  They're missing me and I'm them.  I willing to work to make the relationship work, ideally I want her to see what she's like - but can't - or don't know how.  What to do?

[beyondbelief]

For help with the relationship please post on the Staying board.

You mention you are seeing the children a lot less, what do you mean by that?

What is your wife doing that you think is harming the children?

[goinbonkers]

She has to be the one to want to seek wellness.  You most likely will never be able to convince her to do so.  Especially you.

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? The focus of this board is about understanding the child, their needs, and supporting them in an intelligent and non self-sacrificing way. If your topic is mostly about the other parent and you are divorced, please go to Rebuilding our Life. If your topic is mostly about legal/custody issues, please go to Family law, Divorce, and Custody. If your topic is mostly about the other parent and you are still married, please go to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner. If you need help moving a thread, please contact a moderator. We are glad to help. :)

[hithere]

What to do?

If you sacrifice your relationship with your own children to be with her then you will end up resenting her and I can't imagine a relationship working under that kind of strain.

[JustSaying]

If you sacrifice your relationship with your own children to be with her then you will end up resenting her and I can't imagine a relationship working under that kind of strain.

Absolutely!

How old are the children? How often could you see them if you took advantage of every opportunity? How often do you see them?

What if your W never changes, even a little bit? You have to work under that assumption. Will you never then see your own children much? How will you keep your kids from growing up with the belief that they weren't important enough for you...that you chose another wife over them?

It's well documented what can happen to girls growing up with an absent father. What can be done to avoid this?