Need advice on being ignored/will not see me in person

[Think About It...]

Not sure what do..for the last 3 weeks my fiance will not see me or spend time with me..at all..says no to all attempts..she has expressed extreme long term anger at me..feels i let her down so many times..i validated her feelings..since using the tools..wow they do work ..her behavior and no personal contact has escalated..i have not suggested or attempted to see each other for 10 days due to the rejection and her responses..she has removed all intimacy from relationship..i am struggling with this now and need help and advice..

[jb772]

Not sure what do..for the last 3 weeks my fiance will not see me or spend time with me..at all..says no to all attempts..she has expressed extreme long term anger at me..feels i let her down so many times..i validated her feelings..since using the tools..wow they do work ..her behavior and no personal contact has escalated..i have not suggested or attempted to see each other for 10 days due to the rejection and her responses..she has removed all intimacy from relationship..i am struggling with this now and need help and advice..

[o2bz14u]

It sounds like you are looking for closure. Very understandable.


You mention that this is your finacee. Do(Did) you have a date set? Ring? Announcement sent out? How close was(is) the wedding? Can you go through her relatives to settle financial obligations? They may (or may not) feel obligated to reimburse you for any deposits you put down for banquet halls or limo rentals. They may intervene regarding the ring. Tradition dictates that if the bride calls off the engagment she returns the ring. (If the groom calls it off girl keeps the ring and gifts for her trouble and heartbreak. )

Has she done this before? Does she go through "phases" like this? Are you thinking this will "blow over"? If it does resolve itself with time, I would give lots of thought before making a lifetime commitment to this person.  Either you are just not cut out for her or...she is not cut out for you. A finacee just does not "go cold" for no reason.

[jb772]

There is a ring..which she is wearing..There is no date set at this time..not looking for closure..trying to find out suggestions as to handle situation..do i step back as i have done..do i continue to suggest and ask for time together..do i continue to give her space as she is clearly struggling with something..i do not expect anything to blow over..nothing ever has or will..i accept that as part of this illnes..i am looking for tools/advice to make the relationship better..

[momtario]

  jb;

I am sorry for how stressful this time is for you, when it should be exciting and fun.

Have you any idea what may have caused her to dysregulate and go into full push mode? This often happens as a result of feeling very intimate, which sets off a lot of fears in people suffering from BPD. Did you either get very close suddenly, or have an argument before she stopped speaking with you?