holy dysregulate

[Think About It...]

Tried to wake her up last night to go to bed as we fell asleep in the living room. I changed her daughters diapers and did all the necessary prep before bed. It took awhile for her to get up and she kept mumbling random stuff like people do when they're super tired. I thought it was funny and told her she doesn't know what she is talking about. I guess that pissed her off she proceeded to kick me in the arm then told me to sleep on the couch. I obliged she said something else which I didn't take offense and thought was funny and kind of smirked at her all the while agreeing with whatever she said. Then she told me to leave the house...at 2 in the morning and also told me I mean nothing to her. Left my cell phone there, but had my work cell phone.

So I call her this morning and she says she tired and goes back to sleep. Then she calls me *still being mean* saying since I woke her and shes up now if I could come help her with the kids. I told her we need to talk and asked her why she kicked me out. She said she didn't mean to be mean last night and said never mind about helping with the kids, I told her I would anyways. So I get to her house and call her and she tells me to leave her alone...after asking me to help and blocked my work cell phone...I'm so confused all I did was try to wake her up and it resulted to all of this. I should also note she was drinking a bit last night too...

[sirhero]

Tried to wake her up last night to go to bed as we fell asleep in the living room. I changed her daughters diapers and did all the necessary prep before bed. It took awhile for her to get up and she kept mumbling random stuff like people do when they're super tired. I thought it was funny and told her she doesn't know what she is talking about. I guess that pissed her off she proceeded to kick me in the arm then told me to sleep on the couch. I obliged she said something else which I didn't take offense and thought was funny and kind of smirked at her all the while agreeing with whatever she said. Then she told me to leave the house...at 2 in the morning and also told me I mean nothing to her. Left my cell phone there, but had my work cell phone.

So I call her this morning and she says she tired and goes back to sleep. Then she calls me *still being mean* saying since I woke her and shes up now if I could come help her with the kids. I told her we need to talk and asked her why she kicked me out. She said she didn't mean to be mean last night and said never mind about helping with the kids, I told her I would anyways. So I get to her house and call her and she tells me to leave her alone...after asking me to help and blocked my work cell phone...I'm so confused all I did was try to wake her up and it resulted to all of this. I should also note she was drinking a bit last night too...

[momtario]

Once you get speaking with her again, I would ask her if she was trying to say something in particular, or why she thinks she reacted the way she did.

When I start spewing nonsense like that when I am barely awake, I am usually trying to say (and thinking I am saying) a real sentence that has real meaning. The words that come out have no connection to the thoughts I form in my head, and it gets pretty funny. (One notable thing I said once, was "I sported, don't have to, all of you")

The thing is, I was trying to say something important. Is it possible she thinks that what she said made sense? If so, telling her she doesn't know what she is talking about may have reasonably upset her. No reason to kick you out, but like you said- holy dysregulation. Hopefully you can go home soon, sirhero.

[sirhero]

Once you get speaking with her again, I would ask her if she was trying to say something in particular, or why she thinks she reacted the way she did.

When I start spewing nonsense like that when I am barely awake, I am usually trying to say (and thinking I am saying) a real sentence that has real meaning. The words that come out have no connection to the thoughts I form in my head, and it gets pretty funny. (One notable thing I said once, was "I sported, don't have to, all of you")

The thing is, I was trying to say something important. Is it possible she thinks that what she said made sense? If so, telling her she doesn't know what she is talking about may have reasonably upset her. No reason to kick you out, but like you said- holy dysregulation. Hopefully you can go home soon, sirhero.

Thanks Mom, I didn't really think of it that way and maybe I should have last night though I was pretty tired myself. She texted me not too long ago asking if the phone I called her on was my work cell phone and that she couldn't find my phone. I'm just going to let her cool off for now and follow things through whenever she contacts me. It's a hassle trying to wake her up and I have to almost every night as we always fall asleep in the living room watching tv. I tried to make light of the situation last night and not get offended and I feel like that back fired on me. I feel like that may have been a lose lose situation either way sadly.

[sirhero]

She apologized. I honestly did not see that coming so fast.

[momtario]

She apologized. I honestly did not see that coming so fast.

   sometimes people surprise us. 

[BelievenHope]

yes, sometimes people do surprise us...in good ways and sometimes in bad ways. I am usually taken aback when my BPDbf dysregulates. 99.9% of his dysregulating is from the mother of his children. She is selfish, thoughtless and really doesn't care much about their young children other than as a means to make him do things for her (yes, I have witnessed all this first hand, if it only came from him, it would be likely that it was exaggerated). So I am often blindsided by his rage.
I can tell you that he is HYPERsensitive to laughter when he doesn't think something is funny. She probably took your laughter as laughing directly at her and it made her very angry ? I am really glad she apologized, that seems to be a big step for them. My BPD dysregulated yesterday...throwing things around, throwing things away that are perfectly good, etc...I left the room, let him be and he ended up taking a 2 hour nap. I honestly prayed to God to take away his anger...anyway, he woke up in a really good mood...no apologies but I was glad for the dysregulation to be over and we had a really nice evening

[sirhero]

yes, sometimes people do surprise us...in good ways and sometimes in bad ways. I am usually taken aback when my BPDbf dysregulates. 99.9% of his dysregulating is from the mother of his children. She is selfish, thoughtless and really doesn't care much about their young children other than as a means to make him do things for her (yes, I have witnessed all this first hand, if it only came from him, it would be likely that it was exaggerated). So I am often blindsided by his rage.
I can tell you that he is HYPERsensitive to laughter when he doesn't think something is funny. She probably took your laughter as laughing directly at her and it made her very angry ? I am really glad she apologized, that seems to be a big step for them. My BPD dysregulated yesterday...throwing things around, throwing things away that are perfectly good, etc...I left the room, let him be and he ended up taking a 2 hour nap. I honestly prayed to God to take away his anger...anyway, he woke up in a really good mood...no apologies but I was glad for the dysregulation to be over and we had a really nice evening

She use to get picked on a lot in high school so she may have taken my laughing at her as a sign of that I never really thought of that either. I'm glad pwBPD calmed down after his nap. Her rages have subsided a lot, but they do catch me off guard here and there sometimes, I find myself handling the situation a lot better too each time it happens. I'm glad she apologized to me though, she said she doesn't even remember what happened last night for the most part. Her anger is still there and she rarely takes it out on me and if she does I bring it to her attention and she'll apologize

[Auspicious]

I thought it was funny and told her she doesn't know what she is talking about.

Hmm.

Do you like people telling you that you don't know what you are talking about?  I don't.

I obliged she said something else which I didn't take offense and thought was funny and kind of smirked at her all the while agreeing with whatever she said.

So, you were smirking at her while agreeing with whatever she said. During an argument/disagreement.

Can you see why that might upset someone?

[sirhero]

I thought it was funny and told her she doesn't know what she is talking about.

Hmm.

Do you like people telling you that you don't know what you are talking about?  I don't.

I obliged she said something else which I didn't take offense and thought was funny and kind of smirked at her all the while agreeing with whatever she said.

So, you were smirking at her while agreeing with whatever she said. During an argument/disagreement.

Can you see why that might upset someone?

You have a point though if I knew I was barely awake and forming sentences that made no sense I'd think it was funny, though that's just me. I guess I should rephrase that, it was more of a smile on my face as to not show that I was getting upset. I'm not trying to make excuses for myself yeah I could have handled that better, but I honestly just wanted to go to bed. It's a chore waking her up, because most of the time I do get an attitude from her (grumpy sleeper?) and I've brought it up to her, but she told me not to worry about such small things like that. So last night I tried to laugh/smile it off and that didn't even work.

[momtario]

What is the worst that would happen if you left her on the couch until she woke up and came to bed on her own? Have you tried this before? Do you think she would respond better or worse waking up on her own as opposed to being woken up before she is ready?

[sirhero]

What is the worst that would happen if you left her on the couch until she woke up and came to bed on her own? Have you tried this before? Do you think she would respond better or worse waking up on her own as opposed to being woken up before she is ready?

I've done it before and she got upset with me. It would be worse if I left her there in her head she may think I didn't want her going to bed with me. In fact she rarely goes to bed without me if I stay up later she will stay out in the living room with me. She's very paranoid and I think she feels safer when I am in bed with her if that makes any sense.

[momtario]

It does make sense, and I kind of thought that might be her reaction. It's difficult to say what you should try next time, if she won't go to bed without you, and she doesn't want you to wake her up, but she definitely doesn't want you to leave  her there.  ? It sounds like a no win situation.

[sirhero]

It does make sense, and I kind of thought that might be her reaction. It's difficult to say what you should try next time, if she won't go to bed without you, and she doesn't want you to wake her up, but she definitely doesn't want you to leave  her there.  ? It sounds like a no win situation.

Haha yeah I figured that too. Sleep is very important to her it seems. I'll try to think of some other solutions. Probably when it's getting late heading to the bedroom a bit earlier. I mean she's not mean ALL the time when I wake her, but I want to say about 60% of the time she'll get an attitude with me, which never really last long. Last night was her first time blowing up like that...I wonder if I did something bad in her dreams

[BelievenHope]

I know that they often forget things they say, but maybe if she is "relatively" calm you can tell her that you really do not want to upset her again like you did and ask her what she would like you to do in the future...if there is a certain way she would like to be woken up or what you could do differently so you wouldn't upset her again. Possibly if you tell her you understand the importance of the two of you going to bed together she will see you have a common goal...I don't know, we are all a little gun shy of the "flash in the pan"  ?