He got hurt last night - by me

[Think About It...]

ups and downs of BPD... So two days ago i was on phone with uBPDh. it was in a car where everyone could here.  His brother and sister in law also in car.  SIL's daughter had a Lacrosse game that night.  i said i would come.  Our daughters used to play against each other.  Mine is now graduated. 

In front of (on the car speaker phone) I didn't invite uBPDh.  Oops!  He was quiet or abrupt the rest of the day.  i went to the game.  He I guess wanted to go b/c his brother was coming later.  Well, he came to one of my D games last year.  I didn't think he'd want to come.  And he could always say he wants to and be done with it.  But that turned into big blowout... you  know the kind.  that happended yesterday. 

He got over it like 4 hours later.  Apologized! -while we were at dinner.  Ok... then on the way home he's talking to his D17 and her BF on the phone.  He said he and I were on our way home to "go home and kiss."  That to me is so weird.  Is that weird to you? 

I siad s/t and that caused another long drawn out deal.  Where the lack of my inviting him to lacrosse came up again.  So he created a new rule:  He is not going to invite me to ANYTHING anymore , I have to ask if I can come or tell him I want to go.  How stupid is that.  Of course I invite him to things regularly - rollerblading, dinner, shopping, walks, church.  But one time I don't and WHAM!

So, as he stated this rule LOUDLY I shut the bathroom door on him.  Not slammed.  but firmly closed it as he stood outside of the doorframe.  Well his foot was in the doorway i guess.  And his toe which he broke  years ago got jammed.  Whoa! The language you would not believe!  And the retaliatory stuff - he took the keys to my car.  My son' is coming home for the night (tonight) .  he said he cant' stay here  - actually he said "f***** __________ (son's name) can't stay here and if he does I'll coldcock him.  i'll shoot him.  " 
He moaned and groaned half the night in the bedroom.  And called me millions of things .  then htis morning, he came to  me, said I know you didn't mean to hurt me.  and it's kind of over but for me, my stomach is in a knot. And I want a do-over for my life.   

 

[whigin]

ups and downs of BPD... So two days ago i was on phone with uBPDh. it was in a car where everyone could here.  His brother and sister in law also in car.  SIL's daughter had a Lacrosse game that night.  i said i would come.  Our daughters used to play against each other.  Mine is now graduated. 

In front of (on the car speaker phone) I didn't invite uBPDh.  Oops!  He was quiet or abrupt the rest of the day.  i went to the game.  He I guess wanted to go b/c his brother was coming later.  Well, he came to one of my D games last year.  I didn't think he'd want to come.  And he could always say he wants to and be done with it.  But that turned into big blowout... you  know the kind.  that happended yesterday. 

He got over it like 4 hours later.  Apologized! -while we were at dinner.  Ok... then on the way home he's talking to his D17 and her BF on the phone.  He said he and I were on our way home to "go home and kiss."  That to me is so weird.  Is that weird to you? 

I siad s/t and that caused another long drawn out deal.  Where the lack of my inviting him to lacrosse came up again.  So he created a new rule:  He is not going to invite me to ANYTHING anymore , I have to ask if I can come or tell him I want to go.  How stupid is that.  Of course I invite him to things regularly - rollerblading, dinner, shopping, walks, church.  But one time I don't and WHAM!

So, as he stated this rule LOUDLY I shut the bathroom door on him.  Not slammed.  but firmly closed it as he stood outside of the doorframe.  Well his foot was in the doorway i guess.  And his toe which he broke  years ago got jammed.  Whoa! The language you would not believe!  And the retaliatory stuff - he took the keys to my car.  My son' is coming home for the night (tonight) .  he said he cant' stay here  - actually he said "f***** __________ (son's name) can't stay here and if he does I'll coldcock him.  i'll shoot him.  " 
He moaned and groaned half the night in the bedroom.  And called me millions of things .  then htis morning, he came to  me, said I know you didn't mean to hurt me.  and it's kind of over but for me, my stomach is in a knot. And I want a do-over for my life.   

 

[Surnia]

So he created a new rule:  He is not going to invite me to ANYTHING anymore , I have to ask if I can come or tell him I want to go.

oh yes! Very known. A toddler in full defiance. "I will never play with this toy again." How many times I heard those never-ever-anything-rules.

I guess I would apologize for hitting his toe. Not for the rest.

For those rules I cannot say something, need advise myself. First I was thinking okay, thats today and tomorrow the rules are forgotten. Like a toddler, the next day is a new day. But for adults like my H, he know all the rules for years. So my rs and home is full of stupid rules.

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GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? This board is for analyzing and making the decision to either continue working on your relationship or to leave it. If you have already please advance to "L3 Leaving" or the "L4 Staying" board. All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)

[CaptainM]

I'm sorry you had to go through that whigin - it sounds like a shocker of an evening!

Does he regularly make threats like that (threatening to shoot or punch out your son) against your family when he's angry?

[gina louise]

Oh my WHIG,
I am so sorry you had to go through all that. Sorry that happened with his toe. My first thought was that he wanted you to do just that-so he could get hurt, and blame you.

I can relate on the deal making...the never, ever anymore again types of rules.

I thought I was the only adult who had to listen to these kinds of *rules* and ultimatums from my UBPDH. Like he's the Emperor of the world.
It's bizarre isn't it how they insist on THEIR way or no way.

Mine will stand there and say firmly "OK HERE"S THE DEAL..." Or he will actually say NEW RULE!  and then proceed to announce the new deal/rule and how it will affect him, or me, or US.
As though life and r/s are GAMES in which he and only HE gets to call the shots.
I have never ever heard anything like it!

Then he proceeds to break his own rules, or deals.
I never know how to react to this stuff. The rules, demands, conditions...
Sometimes I laugh, before I catch myself and then I tell him WE are NOT playing Monopoly!
Sometimes that will shut the behavior off when he realizes how absurd he sounds.
Other times he gets mad.

I would address the threats towards your son. That's NOT OK. No matter how upset or hurt he is. My H has also said "F your kids" (mine are all grown and dislike H , heartily) I just ignore that. He knows they deeply dislike him. I have told him that I did tell my kids about his shtty behavior. I will not suffer alone in silence! So there's not much affection either way...I always feel like I have to choose between them and H...esp. when there are family events.

BUT the actual threat on your son is a big  . I would call him on that. It's no joke.
I know that PwBPD say lots of hurtful ugly things-but towards a young person it's UN-acceptable.
that's where the disorder looks really scary.
I am so sorry that you have to deal with this.

GL

[LoveNYC]

Whig, reading this literally made me twitch.

SO much like the baby bullcrsp mine used to pull weekly. At least. And I spun and I spun and nothing got better. Only worse. There IS no win for a non.

Why are you still involved with this person?

[Clearmind]

He said he and I were on our way home to "go home and kiss."  That to me is so weird.  Is that weird to you? 

I would suggest that he has weak boundaries. It_