White Knight For Others

[Think About It...]

This is the craziest thing ever. My uBPDbf and I were eating in a restaurant. There was a couple who entered and the guy was continuously berating the woman over something and then another thing. She appeared timid. Sad. Shy.  Beaten down. And she said nothing back. Maybe a whimper or two came out of her. She appeared to be filled with anxiety. This  hollering went on when they sat down to eat.


Sooooooooooo, my BF tells me he is going to go over and say something to this guy to put him in his place. He pops up and goes over places his hand on the guy's shoulder and tells him to lay off the poor women. Tells him she doesn't deserve to be yelled at like that. That no one does. Says something about 'respect'. Says something about 'kindness'.

I was floored.

When I saw the couple enter and observed their interaction the first thing I felt was that I was watching my(our) life being played out by two other actors. It was even the same script. I thought "This is what it probably looks like to others." I felt embarrassed and felt hopeless. Apparently BF did not see it that way. Or...did he, and he is in some sort of fantasy of denial.


After he played White Knight he got some "thumbs up" from other diners and not one, not two, but three different people came up to us as they were leaving to compliment BF on what he did. One guy said he was just about to get up to go over to the table and "say something". BF lapped up all this attention expounding upon how "no one deserves to be verbally abused like that" and he "just did what was the  right thing".


Good grief. If only these people knew. If only they knew how verbally abusive he is always. Could they not see I was eating silently the whole time afraid of one of his rages any minute?


What really gets me is does uBPDbf not see himself  in this situation the other couple played out. He is a 'good guy'.


Has anyone had a puzzling experience like this?





.

[o2bz14u]

This is the craziest thing ever. My uBPDbf and I were eating in a restaurant. There was a couple who entered and the guy was continuously berating the woman over something and then another thing. She appeared timid. Sad. Shy.  Beaten down. And she said nothing back. Maybe a whimper or two came out of her. She appeared to be filled with anxiety. This  hollering went on when they sat down to eat.


Sooooooooooo, my BF tells me he is going to go over and say something to this guy to put him in his place. He pops up and goes over places his hand on the guy's shoulder and tells him to lay off the poor women. Tells him she doesn't deserve to be yelled at like that. That no one does. Says something about 'respect'. Says something about 'kindness'.

I was floored.

When I saw the couple enter and observed their interaction the first thing I felt was that I was watching my(our) life being played out by two other actors. It was even the same script. I thought "This is what it probably looks like to others." I felt embarrassed and felt hopeless. Apparently BF did not see it that way. Or...did he, and he is in some sort of fantasy of denial.


After he played White Knight he got some "thumbs up" from other diners and not one, not two, but three different people came up to us as they were leaving to compliment BF on what he did. One guy said he was just about to get up to go over to the table and "say something". BF lapped up all this attention expounding upon how "no one deserves to be verbally abused like that" and he "just did what was the  right thing".


Good grief. If only these people knew. If only they knew how verbally abusive he is always. Could they not see I was eating silently the whole time afraid of one of his rages any minute?


What really gets me is does uBPDbf not see himself  in this situation the other couple played out. He is a 'good guy'.


Has anyone had a puzzling experience like this?





.

[the_way_back]

Could it be that because he appears to be so indignant that he's projecting an image of being someone that could never do such a thing?

I've often wondered about people that make such a big deal out their personal abhorrence when others fall morally short, well...what are they hiding?

My ex makes such a song and dance over people she knows that cheat on their partners. Obviously I'm supposed to ignore the fact that she spent most of our 6 years together cheating on me, and has cheated on my replacement 3 times. Yup, it's denial. I'd say so.

[nonbpd]

yeah...my ex is exactly the same! When one of his friends gets into a fight he is always there to defend them...to take their part...talks about how to treat a woman, how to have respect 4 other people, how to not cross the line, not offend, etc, etc...but he did the exact opposite with me: threw me out of the house in winter at night after a fight...cheated on me, criticize me about how I eat, clean, wash, etc...talked badly about me after we broke up...even if he was the one breaking up as his father did not agree with our relationship...soooo many things like this
First I thought he is looking for situations to release his anger built up...other times I think it is because he wants to release the guilt for doing the exact same things to others... and it is easier to get into other people's fights as he doesn't have any responsibilities in that problems, nothing to admit, nothing to change and work at...sometimes I thought it is because he wants to convince himself that he is actually a good person...donno...twisted anyway...disgusting double standards at the same time

[Mystic]

I could absolutely totally see my ex behaving in exactly the same way.  And then preening about what a good, honorable guy he is. 

The wart on their own nose is always a beauty mark. 

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GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? This board is for members with failed or failing relationships that want to detach from their relationship and relationship wounds. If you are still analyzing the decision to stay, please post on Undecided: Staying or Leaving All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)

[o2bz14u]

This incident has really opened my eyes to some of the things BF get indignant about when talking about other people's lives to me. One of the most blatant and obvious things is his criticism of other's drug use when he himself is out of control with his drug use IMHO. But I have been pondering some of his repetative criticisms about some other things people he knows do, and am now speculating that he himself is secretly guilty of what he professes to abhor.