The Last Straw

[Think About It....]

On Wednesday last week, S15 shared that mom really tore into the both of them while they were visiting her on spring break.  He said D9 curled into a ball and cried.  Then on Thursday he had an appointment with his psychologist.  He came out in tears.  That night about 11:50 I heard something upstairs. 

I went to check on S15 and he was on the floor crying like crazy.  I looked next to him and saw his hunting knife was opened.  He was holding his wrist and saying he cut himself.  I looked at his wrist and it was a little bloody but not bad.  I took a picture of his wrist and then cleaned up the blood.  Then I made him sleep with me. 

The next morning I called his psychologist and his psychiatrist.  Both were out of town.  Insurance told me to take him to the ER.  The ER psych questioned him and determined that he was not suicidal but cutting.  S15 said that it didn't have the effect that he thought it would and he was embarrassed and wouldn't do it again.  By the way, I called his mom about 10 times, texted her 4 or 5 and then emailed her...no response.

The ER doc said it was situational and S15 told the doc that his sister is going to live with mom permanently and he is scared for her safety.

I had enough.  I called Florida CPS and reported uBPDmom for emotional abuse and child neglect.  They called me back and said that since the kids weren't in Florida they couldn't do anything.  So today I called California CPS and they said they couldn't do anything because alleged perp is out of state.  I told CA CPS that we were going through a divorce and he said that the family court should handle this.  I told him that we already had a hearing, D9 was awarded to mom in FL and S15 reported verbal and emotional abuse to his minor's counsel and she didn't report it and never told the court about it. 

He said that MC had a duty to report that and she should be reported to the state bar.  Then he asked why I waited so long to call.  I told him my L said not to because the MC would handle it and it would look bad if I did it because it would appear vengeful.  I also told him that my S15 just reported new stuff to me and I had to take him to the ER because of his depression.  He was angry and said that is how and why so many kids are abused after a custody hearing is because the innocent are too scared to report anything for fear of retribution from the court. 

He promised to get to the bottom of the jurisdiction and let me know so either kid should not go to visit mom in FL while there is an ongoing investigation.

I hated to involve CPS but no one else will stick up for these kids.  UBPDmom called Saturday to see what happened.  Boy, how could a mom wait so long to check up on her child after an ER visit?

Matt, I know you are going to ask.  There is CA penal code that references verbal, mental and emotional abuse and what is required to prove it.  I just found it Friday afternoon and I have the proof in my journal and S15's medical records and S15 said he will report everything he remembers.

[1stand10]

On Wednesday last week, S15 shared that mom really tore into the both of them while they were visiting her on spring break.  He said D9 curled into a ball and cried.  Then on Thursday he had an appointment with his psychologist.  He came out in tears.  That night about 11:50 I heard something upstairs. 

I went to check on S15 and he was on the floor crying like crazy.  I looked next to him and saw his hunting knife was opened.  He was holding his wrist and saying he cut himself.  I looked at his wrist and it was a little bloody but not bad.  I took a picture of his wrist and then cleaned up the blood.  Then I made him sleep with me. 

The next morning I called his psychologist and his psychiatrist.  Both were out of town.  Insurance told me to take him to the ER.  The ER psych questioned him and determined that he was not suicidal but cutting.  S15 said that it didn't have the effect that he thought it would and he was embarrassed and wouldn't do it again.  By the way, I called his mom about 10 times, texted her 4 or 5 and then emailed her...no response.

The ER doc said it was situational and S15 told the doc that his sister is going to live with mom permanently and he is scared for her safety.

I had enough.  I called Florida CPS and reported uBPDmom for emotional abuse and child neglect.  They called me back and said that since the kids weren't in Florida they couldn't do anything.  So today I called California CPS and they said they couldn't do anything because alleged perp is out of state.  I told CA CPS that we were going through a divorce and he said that the family court should handle this.  I told him that we already had a hearing, D9 was awarded to mom in FL and S15 reported verbal and emotional abuse to his minor's counsel and she didn't report it and never told the court about it. 

He said that MC had a duty to report that and she should be reported to the state bar.  Then he asked why I waited so long to call.  I told him my L said not to because the MC would handle it and it would look bad if I did it because it would appear vengeful.  I also told him that my S15 just reported new stuff to me and I had to take him to the ER because of his depression.  He was angry and said that is how and why so many kids are abused after a custody hearing is because the innocent are too scared to report anything for fear of retribution from the court. 

He promised to get to the bottom of the jurisdiction and let me know so either kid should not go to visit mom in FL while there is an ongoing investigation.

I hated to involve CPS but no one else will stick up for these kids.  UBPDmom called Saturday to see what happened.  Boy, how could a mom wait so long to check up on her child after an ER visit?

Matt, I know you are going to ask.  There is CA penal code that references verbal, mental and emotional abuse and what is required to prove it.  I just found it Friday afternoon and I have the proof in my journal and S15's medical records and S15 said he will report everything he remembers.

[nona]

bless your family..

[Matt]

Wow, I'm sorry you're dealing with all this - both the impact on the kids and the runaround from the system.  I think you're doing all the right stuff - checking on the law, reporting what happened, etc.

I would certainly try to keep both kids with you all the time until there are some answers.  It might be worth considering filing a motion for an immediate hearing to get this all out in the open.  Maybe the psychiatrist, psychologist and anyone else involved can testify after talking with your kids, so it's not just you saying all this.  Or maybe S15 can talk with any other responsible adult - maybe a member of the clergy, or a mature neighbor - anybody who can see the wounds, hear S15 tell what happened, and then testify about it - "S15 showed me the wounds and told me that he cut himself because he is stressed about his sister being taken away to Florida and about his mom's behavior." or whatever.  Getting the truth into evidence as quickly as possible may be the key, and may be difficult.

Have you had a chance to talk with your lawyer?  It's hard to say if she dropped the ball or not - advising you to be nice and not report things promptly.  Now may be the time to tell her very clearly that your goal is not to be nice, it's to be effective, and that if she would be stronger maybe you could look nicer to the court.

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[1stand10]

Matt,

I'm representing myself and I do plan to file a motion.  I just don't know if I should include it in my motion to dismiss minor's counsel or not.  Going at this with no legal help is tough.  Is it proper to combine motions or do I file two at the same time?  I'm leaning towards two motions and request to be heard ASAP.  I have an email from stbx dated about 2 weeks ago insisting that S15 be taken off medication.  I'm going to ask the judge to stop the current order from going into effect until the investigation is complete which means the kids won't go to FL this summer as planned.  I also intend to ask for reduced visitation and have it supervised by her father who lives 90 minutes away.   
Plus, like I said it took her 12+ hours to respond to my messages to let her know that we were in the ER.

Still no word from CPS on who has jurisdiction, FL or CA.

[Matt]

I'm sorry, I'm not an attorney, and I'm sure the procedures vary from place to place.  I have no idea if you should make it one motion or two.  It's possible that the people at the courthouse might be able to help you - not give you legal advice, but at least tell you the right procedures.

I'm sure that dismissing the minor's counsel would be tough.  Maybe you can include information about what occurred, and ask the court to decide if that was proper or not...?

[1stand10]

I just got back from the court clerk's office to file my objections to the judge's statement of decision and I asked the clerk if I should file one motion or two.  She said she couldn't tell me because 1) she can't give legal advice and 2) she had no idea.  She told me to check with the Family Law Facilitator.

The clerk was a nice old lady who made sure my objections went directly to the judge's office.  She gave me his secretary's number to find out what happens next.  I waited 10 minutes and spoke to the secretary and she said that she got my objections 5 minutes ago.  She said the clerk usually waits until the end of the day to deliver papers.  I love that old lady. 

The secretary said the judge will review my objections and then make a final ruling.  It is possible that he could reverse the decision but she could not give me a timeframe to expect the final order.

[Matt]

That's what I found out too - there were nice people at the court house - not real fast-moving but nice - so if i was patient and asked simple questions I got helpful answers (for free).

[1stand10]

I got a call from the CA CPS and they said that FL has juristiction in this matter.  Apparently, the juristiction is decided by where the alleged perp resides.  He also said the FL is unwilling to move because the children are not in FL.  His advice is to get one of S15's docs to report the abuse and then CA state is mandated to take a report. 

Confusing...why won't anyone help protect these kids? 

[MuGGzy]

Personally, I would refuse to send the D to FL. Mom can and will fight it but that means she has to fly to CA to do so, at which time you will get to stand in front of a judge and cite all the issues you have stated here. Even better, make her fly MANY times after filing extensions and postponements. I think it's BS that you have to let the kid go across the country to the abusive situation before they can actually DO anything about it.
Of course I am no lawyer and this may put you in a legal risk but it's worth a try.

[Matt]

Personally, I would refuse to send the D to FL. Mom can and will fight it but that means she has to fly to CA to do so, at which time you will get to stand in front of a judge and cite all the issues you have stated here. Even better, make her fly MANY times after filing extensions and postponements. I think it's BS that you have to let the kid go across the country to the abusive situation before they can actually DO anything about it.
Of course I am no lawyer and this may put you in a legal risk but it's worth a try.

I'm not a lawyer either, and I don't live in California or Florida, but I agree with Muggzy.  You have good reason to believe that the kids are at risk if they go to their mom's house, and you have done what you can to get that issue dealt with.  Now it's time to protect the kids, and let the other party decide what to do about that.

At the same time, you can continue taking every possible step to get the courts to step up and give you full custody.