I decided: I will crush her

[Think About It...]

Those boards have been helping me make some sense of life after my horrible breakup with my exuBPDgf.

You have saved me in everything from NC to stopping the tears. 4 months after the break up, while she's moved in with my replacement, she keeps sending me texts once every two weeks, telling me she wants to see me when we're in the same country this summer, etc.

Lately, after looking at all the damage done on my health, pride, wealth, and dignity, I decided that the only way for me to move on, is not to find someone else, not to focus on myself, BUT to annihilate her with the most crushing revenge. I want to meet her this summer, and I want to tell her that I am gonna make her taste every single pain she's inflicted on me for the last 2 years. I am not gonna let her get away from this. I'm gonna anonymously post her naked pictures, I'm gonna message her parents about some damaging stories she's hid from them, I'm gonna tell my replacement demeaning stories she told me about him, etc.

That's it. I'm gonna do it. I decided to f' her up. No mercy. No remorse. I don't care. I know my circle of friends that I care about and care about me would understand this move; they all saw me spiraling down into depression and they hate everything about her already. I don't care about what her friends (the tiny number of them) or her family will think. I'm gonna crush her and this will bring me the ultimate satisfaction. I will not regret it. I can't regret it anything more than every second I spent on this witch.

I will not let her get away with it. An eye for an eye..

[Kminery]

Those boards have been helping me make some sense of life after my horrible breakup with my exuBPDgf.

You have saved me in everything from NC to stopping the tears. 4 months after the break up, while she's moved in with my replacement, she keeps sending me texts once every two weeks, telling me she wants to see me when we're in the same country this summer, etc.

Lately, after looking at all the damage done on my health, pride, wealth, and dignity, I decided that the only way for me to move on, is not to find someone else, not to focus on myself, BUT to annihilate her with the most crushing revenge. I want to meet her this summer, and I want to tell her that I am gonna make her taste every single pain she's inflicted on me for the last 2 years. I am not gonna let her get away from this. I'm gonna anonymously post her naked pictures, I'm gonna message her parents about some damaging stories she's hid from them, I'm gonna tell my replacement demeaning stories she told me about him, etc.

That's it. I'm gonna do it. I decided to f' her up. No mercy. No remorse. I don't care. I know my circle of friends that I care about and care about me would understand this move; they all saw me spiraling down into depression and they hate everything about her already. I don't care about what her friends (the tiny number of them) or her family will think. I'm gonna crush her and this will bring me the ultimate satisfaction. I will not regret it. I can't regret it anything more than every second I spent on this witch.

I will not let her get away with it. An eye for an eye..

[james79]

which will make you worse than her. And make you feel even worse. I understand your pain. But be the better person.

[BentNotBroken]

Not worth the effort. It would be like beating up on a mentally handicapped adult. You will end up looking like a monster, feeling like a monster, and you probably will end up with legal consequences.

I understand your pain. I have been through it. The only recourse that is worth the effort is one that is legal, ethical, and doesn't require me to stoop to her level. She cost me everything, but if I do what I wanted to do, I will lose my soul in the process. She is not worth it.

I was a good, decent man before I met her, while I was with her for over 15 years, and I still am one today. If I get down in the gutter with her, our son will have no one sane to be there for him and show him how other people should be treated. My ex only knows how to use other people to get what she wants. Just like a greedy little child.

[nonbpd]

This will not change what she did to you! When you will do it you will have a rush of adrenaline, and feel happy. Long term it will generate more drama and raise questions in your head about who you are. You will be ashamed of yourself after some time. Do yourself a favor and delete her from your life. Live as she doesn't exist and make sure you will never hear from her or of her again and vice-versa.
I know the pain very well! It is hell on earth. But apart from getting away from the drama, sorrownding yourself with positive loving people, concentrating on reconstructing your life...nothing works!
Take care

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? This board is for members with failed or failing relationships that want to detach from their relationship and relationship wounds. If you are still analyzing the decision to stay, please post on Undecided: Staying or Leaving All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)

[the_way_back]

In her mind all it will do is justify everything she says about you. Rise above. Nothing you do will achieve what you think it will achieve. Your best bet is just shaking the dust from your shoes and moving on. She WILL destroy her own life. And she won't be able to blame you for it.

I felt exactly like you. But ive seen enough to know that my ex can't outrun herself. She can't divorce herself. She is always right where she is.

Deep breaths. What you're talking about will pull so much drama and anxiety in to your life, and you will feel worse for it in the long run.

[Nemo]

Symphatize with you.  
They shouldn't be able to ruin our lives with no consequences.
It is not about revenge, it is just letting them know their behaviour is unacceptable.
You cannot treat people like garbage.
Funny how they make their Family have the impression we are the villains.
Go for it imho.

[bonnie]

sorry wrong i know but i did have a smile on my face reading your post.but seriously i feel like that some days but all it does is give them the upper hand and every strip of black paint she has painted u with will just get blacker and thicker and heavier.the minute we fall crazy the minute they "prove"we are the crazy ones and another day we have just given them the right to do this to us.im so with u on this but trust me it will  just make u look like the fool in the end cause they have spent a lifetime doing what they do and they are the best in the game.we win in the end by living a normal life..

[james79]

sorry wrong i know but i did have a smile on my face reading your post.but seriously i feel like that some days but all it does is give them the upper hand and every strip of black paint she has painted u with will just get blacker and thicker and heavier.the minute we fall crazy the minute they "prove"we are the crazy ones and another day we have just given them the right to do this to us.im so with u on this but trust me it will  just make u look like the fool in the end cause they have spent a lifetime doing what they do and they are the best in the game.we win in the end by living a normal life..

exactly.

[bpdlover]

And because they don't operate in reality, they can then go about trying to ruin you in the most irrational crazy way, and they might get the mud to stick. You can't annihilate what doesn't exist. She has a disorder. The best thing that has ever happened to your future, is that she is in your past now. Do not forget this.

[MindfulJavaJoe]

I decided that the only way for me to move on, is not to find someone else, not to focus on myself, BUT to annihilate her with the most crushing revenge. I want to meet her this summer, and I want to tell her that I am gonna make her taste every single pain she's inflicted on me for the last 2 years. I am not gonna let her get away from this. I'm gonna anonymously post her naked pictures, I'm gonna message her parents about some damaging stories she's hid from them, I'm gonna tell my replacement demeaning stories she told me about him, etc.

I can understand how you feel.
When we are grieving your loss it almost inevitable that we go through the anger phase.
Fantasizing about doing these things may help you process your feelings but there are healthier ways to express your anger. Shouting, punching a pillow or punch bag, exercise allare great and safe outlets for anger there are more. Talking to a therapist and if necessary sharing here as you have done  .

When this is over you will want to be able to look in the mirror and know that you at all times acted with dignity and integrity.
I swore that I would never stoop down to her level.
Recognise your anger. Vent it a healthy way and realise it is a normal phase but it is a phase you have to go through as you detach from her.

I wish you well.

MJJ

[redfeather]

Kminery,
Dont do that. Can you leave her alone in your thoughts as well as in any form of contact? Dont meet up with her this summer at all...really bad idea. Can you get to a place that you forgive her?
I completely understand 100% wanting revenge. I have felt over the last 3 months a incredibly strong urge to lash out at mine and "get her back". Destroy her game completely... and I could.  
But to win this battle really win it...we have to go 100 No Contact..just for us. The silence they cannot stand and it hurts them immensely.
The old adage the best revenge is a life well lived is so true! See she cant do that on a continuing healthy basis...but you can.
Vent this out here. we are here for you but please do not hurt her or yourself. it is so not worth it... Hi!

[ellil]

Hi Kminery, I'm thinking just making that post may have made you feel a bit better? 

Also, just because you post pics anonymously, doesn't mean you're not traceable by your ip address. Don't forget certain things are actionable in civil court, and Lord knows we don't want to find ourselves in that position with an ex BPD! 

I remember how HOSTILE and pissed I was at points in my anger...my favorite fantasy was a bus running over him and my replacement. It passed after a few months though.

Hope you feel better soon!

M

[WalrusGumboot]

1) It will not make you feel better over the long term. You stoop to their level.
2) They will learn nothing.
3) Your health, pride, wealth, and dignity can be restored. You going to sacrifice integrity for the very short-lived satisfaction of revenge?

You are better than that.

[Mystic]

Little story here.

I was with my ex husband for 15 years.  In that time he did just about every bad thing a man could do to a woman to me.  He cheated.  Drank.  Beat me.  There was emotional abuse. Neglect.  Financial irresponsibility.  Neglected our kids. 

I gave him nothing but good.  I did everything I could, was faithful, loving and loyal in the face of all that.  I abided by my conscience and my vows. 

Eventually he left.  Whatever demons drove him, drove him out.  We were at the tipping point...sometimes I think he left because he knew he'd kill me if he didn't. 

He remarried, had another child. He and his (nasty)  new wife were ugly to me and our kids, fought child support, neglected and eventually abandoned our son. 

We are divorced 13 years.  The boys are now grown, good men, with good lives of their own.  We haven't seen/heard from him in about two years. 

Yesterday he called our son...saying he has been having bad dreams, was worried about us.   ?   Son said he thought he was crying. Then he called me.  Talked, rambled for quite a while...said at least a few times that he would "turn the clock back if he could, but he knows he can't".  Sounded to me like he was crying too.  It was all very strange. 

Then he called eldest (my child from a previous r/s) who let him have it with both barrels.  Not everyone is a bleeding heart codependent.  I guess at that point ex was crying. 

So there you have it.  Even years later, the demons come home to roost.  You can't give out ugliness and cruelty and not have it all return to you in spades at some point.   

I did nothing.  I didn't "get even" or "take revenge".  I let go and went on with my life.  Period. 

Sometimes it's just best to put things in God's hands...and let it all go. 

My ex is dealing with his past and his guilt, without my help. 

Quite honestly I got no satisfaction out of it, just felt rather sad and sick about it all. 

Sometimes the hardest bed to lie in is the one we make for ourselves.  Keep your hands clean...eventually the demons catch up with those who unleash them. 

I've always believed it, now I know it to be true. 

[redberry]

I agree with mystic.  I want to do some of the same things you mentioned and get revenge, and not to sound all zen or anything but the universe will take care of it.  They spiral down in misery.  It is inevitable.  I want to keep my hands clean and not get caught up in the spiral.  People say the best revenge is living well.  It took a while to get there, but I agree with that.  Live well, my friend.

[Nosurrender]

K---
I fear you'll not get much support for your plan on these boards since anger, revenge and such are generally frowned upon, but I think you should go for it in spades! Though I don't know about your specific pain, I do know about mine. And had I been able to return the hurt and misery, I would have. Even my T recommended using my anger to get beyond the hurt. Guess what? It works.
Karma and comeuppance are cool and come eventually in cases of borderlines. Personally, I hate 'eventuallys.' Give 'Em hell!

[schwing]

An eye for an eye... fight fire with fire.  But what happens to you if you fight crazy with crazy?

[ellil]

Hi Kminery, you've gotten pretty much consistency through the thread here. The reason is because after all people have been through with their pwBPD, certain things work for the benefit of the members (the non) and certain things do not work.

For instance, revenge seldom produces the desired outcome. Sure, it makes you feel good, really, really good at the time, then you go right back to where you were. Only now, you may have done something that causes you further problems.

For instance, heck, I've been reading posts where pwBPD are keeping property of individuals. Heck man! Go over and kick the door in, and go TAKE what is your property, right?

Wrong--more than likely you'll get thrown in jail overnight and end up in court in a few weeks/months. Your ex would've gotten the best of the situation. Posting private pics is one of those situations.

So what do you do? You handle it through proper channels--go through the system to get your property back.

It's the same with you. The work we need to do on our insides isn't about one-time revenge. It's about drilling down to our core to find out why we were in these positions. We played a part in our downfall.

Just keep posting here. Anger is okay, and it's a necessary step in healing. Just don't let it do something to you that's  going to make the situation worse.

 

M

[Nosurrender]

The work we need to do on our insides isn't about one-time revenge. It's about drilling down to our core to find out why we were in these positions. We played a part in our downfall.

With all due respect elli--there are times and occasions and relationships when we (as nons) DON'T play a part in our downfalls save the fact that we are decent human beings just trying to be decent to someone who is incapable of being decent back.

Why in God's name must everything here be about "drilling down to our core" and fixing things within us when there may not necessarily be a damn thing wrong with us--save the fact that we fell in love with a crazy person.

NO ONE is recommending kicking any doors in or breaking the law (it took me two years and two law suits to get my things back)...NO ONE is recommending bringing on a harassment case (sorry, but if you expect privacy after putting yourself out there on Facebook or Twitter, you get what you deserve), but perhaps every so often the support that should be given here ought to be something beside the typical "look-inside-yourself/fix yourself" pablum that permeates these threads.

Sometimes it's NOT our fault...sometimes we DON'T need to fix ourselves.

[ellil]

When we stay in bad situations, at some point the blame is not solely on the other party. I think there are rare situations where someone may not have any means of getting out, I mean none--no family, no job, kids, and they have to really look for ways out.

The other situations?

Why did we stay. I see issues with me in falling in love with a crazy person.

Kminery, I am wondering how you feel right now with your anger? It's been a little bit since your original post. Are you feeling any better?

M