My troubled mind - a rambling of my confused thoughts

[Think About It...]

Hi Rose1

Her older kids have completely severed all contact with her and as a result are not really an option as they are somewhere in W.A.

DOCS have said they want me to basically drop everything and just go and sort it out. So they are really not that helpful. I don't think they really get it.

While getting the kids up here is an option it wouldn't be posible unless DOCS took them from her and put them in my care as she is not going to let me just ship them up here and set up shop.

Basically this is a catch 22 sort of deal right now. I just have to sit tight and see what happens next. The kicker is that my work doesn't have me based anywhwere on a permanent basis and that is what is going to be my major problem.

Oh. And as an update after nearly most of last week disregulating she has suddenly snapped back onto a level state of mind today. I guess I shall see how long that lasts.

The thing that gets me is she does the most outrageous things when she is disregulating and afterwards she acts as if it never happened. The biggest thing is she actually says and believes that this is all my fault. That her actions are directly attibutable to me and she is in no way responsible for them. That is the hardest thing for me to even try to comprehend in all of this.

[Empty]

Hi Rose1

Her older kids have completely severed all contact with her and as a result are not really an option as they are somewhere in W.A.

DOCS have said they want me to basically drop everything and just go and sort it out. So they are really not that helpful. I don't think they really get it.

While getting the kids up here is an option it wouldn't be posible unless DOCS took them from her and put them in my care as she is not going to let me just ship them up here and set up shop.

Basically this is a catch 22 sort of deal right now. I just have to sit tight and see what happens next. The kicker is that my work doesn't have me based anywhwere on a permanent basis and that is what is going to be my major problem.

Oh. And as an update after nearly most of last week disregulating she has suddenly snapped back onto a level state of mind today. I guess I shall see how long that lasts.

The thing that gets me is she does the most outrageous things when she is disregulating and afterwards she acts as if it never happened. The biggest thing is she actually says and believes that this is all my fault. That her actions are directly attibutable to me and she is in no way responsible for them. That is the hardest thing for me to even try to comprehend in all of this.

[Rose1]

That was quicker than I thought. Although the cycling does happen with BPD - especially if bi polar is in the mix.

Now what concerns me is the following:

Am I right in thinking DOCS has been involved before with her other kids? If so one of the things that can happen is that they see you as part of the problem because you are prepared to leave the kids in an unsafe situation. ie you aren't doing anything about it so also culpable. I have seen this happen before.

So if you went to them and told them you are trying to get your situation sorted out (and actively work toward that) and you need them to do their bit which is make sure the kids come to you without the drama and danger you expect if you just go and get the kids, will they help you?

In any case I think it important that you talk to them about why you feel you can't just go and get your kids despite no court order in place and ask for their help -  it's probably covered in DOCS 101 manual so you might actually get somewhere.  What is very difficult is to get your kids back should they take action.

In my case I had to change my life and put a number of things on hold to bring up the kids. This included going up the corporate ladder and earning a lot more than I ended up earning (although when you figure the hourly rate I was probably ahead.) My life was picking up kids at 6pm and rarely able to work back - I had some great bosses who co-operated with that. On my part I worked hard and got my stuff done on time plus started a degree to get my qualifications firmed up.

No regrets - my kids are doing pretty well now. I doubt that would be the case if I had decided to leave them with their BPDf. I'm not even sure my youngest would still be alive because she needs a lot of support.

So priorities need looking at during times of great change.

Take care
Rose

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? This board is for analyzing and making the decision to either continue working on your relationship or to leave it. If you have already please advance to "L3 Leaving" or the "L4 Staying" board. All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)

[Empty]

Hi Rose1

Sorry for the lack of reply as my world has been very busy the past few weeks. My next journal post should help to answer some of your questions and probably raise a few more.

Dealing with my BPDW is its own story as it is for all of us. The dynamics are much the same yet the details and events vary greatly.

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 Saturday 4/08/12

Been a while since I posted in my journal and the main reason is that life is more of the same really.
BPDW is on her rollercoaster of disregulating and holding a relatively even plane. DOCS are on the case and not about to give up despite her attempts to be difficult and make them go away. They have now got a _

[Rose1]

That's a huge bonus getting a case manager that actually knows what is going on - I find so many people haven't a clue. That might also hold things together long enough for you to sort out your health and finish the job. Hope all goes well.

[Empty]

Thanks Rose1

I have my fingers crossed that DOCS won't screw this up as they have in the past. It is a relief to have this 'special case officer' on board as she really does seem to be trying to cut through the malarky and find the truth in what the W is saying. She rings me up to help read between the lines when she is stumped.

I find it a bit of a tightrope to walk but at the end of the day getting a good result for the kids first, me second and W third is what counts and i'm working toward that. If she stays in therapy then with good fortune she will progress.

I think the biggest thing is not letting her know too much of my work world as my boss told me after this I have to go to Bundeberg to build a bit of a road. However, that should be back on regular shifts so I will get home time to spend with the kids. Well it better be or I will be one unhappy camper. Regardless i'm taking a week off at the end of this project and spending time with my kids as i've already been away from them for far too long and we are all feeling it.