Should I just lie, say I'm busy, move on?

[Think About It...]

So, I'm torn. I emailed my 'whatever' BPD the other day to hang out. She waited her customary 2 days to respond.

In the meantime, I regretted sending the email.

I don't want anything from her per se, and I know how this all works. Yet I can't get over the fact that she sucks as a friend. I mean, we have a blast hanging out, but the in-between time is always a struggle because she's either hot or cold / weird or hyper. I know she has BPD but that still irks me.

Like I said, I don't want anything from her, but I find myself having a hard time accepting her weirdness, even though I get it, I understand why.

I'm struggling with hanging out and just having fun, or making something up to get out of it.

Anyone else in this place? And seriously, if anyone is ever afraid these people will leave, trust me, they won't! They may go cold, but they always return. It's kind of lame! (sorry, I'm venting.)

[Gaslit]

So, I'm torn. I emailed my 'whatever' BPD the other day to hang out. She waited her customary 2 days to respond.

In the meantime, I regretted sending the email.

I don't want anything from her per se, and I know how this all works. Yet I can't get over the fact that she sucks as a friend. I mean, we have a blast hanging out, but the in-between time is always a struggle because she's either hot or cold / weird or hyper. I know she has BPD but that still irks me.

Like I said, I don't want anything from her, but I find myself having a hard time accepting her weirdness, even though I get it, I understand why.

I'm struggling with hanging out and just having fun, or making something up to get out of it.

Anyone else in this place? And seriously, if anyone is ever afraid these people will leave, trust me, they won't! They may go cold, but they always return. It's kind of lame! (sorry, I'm venting.)

[GreenMango]

Gaslit,

I've been in that place.  I plugged away for at least a year out of guilt and obligation.  Something like a misguided sense of loyalty, even after I had the realization.  Hey what can I say I was confused because some days were good and my expectations had been slowly eroded over time.  Go figure.

It's hard to cut the cord sometimes.  I had to think long and hard about what I wanted and needed.  That helped me to be more decisive and less passive...b/c it was my life I started to get nervous about what having a person like this for the long haul meant in reality not fantasy.

Have you given some thought to what you want and whether she can provide it?

GM

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? This board is for analyzing and making the decision to either continue working on your relationship or to leave it. If you have already please advance to "L3 Leaving" or the "L4 Staying" board. All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)

[Gaslit]

Have you given some thought to what you want and whether she can provide it?

I have given it a lot of thought! I do have fun when we hang out. I just struggle with the in-between time. Maybe I shouldn't care. But I hate the game (though I know it is not a game for her).

I hate that I have to literally "go away" after a fun night until I feel she misses me, and is back to her 'Pull Mode.' In other words, I know to skip the 'Push Mode' but it is so not a normal friendship.

So I struggle with knowning, but not being happy I know! I guess.

A few months ago she said to me, "You don't accept for for who I am."

I had never thought about that before. She's right though! I don't. I still expect her to act 'normal' like the person I first met. That ain't happening. So, no, I do not accept her for who she is (now). And maybe I just can't.

In either case, I have not replied yet.

[OnceConfused]

If you feel that uncomfortable from being with her, then WHY GO THERE?.

Simply move on, find someone who is more compatible. Why hanging around with someone only to feel upset?

[Newton]

Gaslit... their "down" time isn't pleasant if you are forever wondering when/if they are going to respond to contact again...

If you are choosing to have a friend who behaves this way then ensuring YOUR time for yourself when things are quiet, is just that...doing things you enjoy, keeping contact with your friends/family who are constant...in other words ...enjoying your life 

...the alternative is getting sucked into their emotional drama...constantly 

[Gaslit]

OnceConfused, I_

[Newton]

I understand "hating" playing the game...then I just got really bored of it...it takes time 

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