May left like a lion

[Think About It....]

Since prom 5 days ago my dd spent one night here getting here at 9:45 not 9 like she said under the guise of agreeing to therapy till 10:30, on her way into bed she announced, no therapy for her.  I couldn't put her out on the streets that late at night - but should have
Since then she has texted, returned here, yelled, lied, screamed, cajoled, manipulated, altered, accused me of having an affair with the p, of moving another female into her bedroom, suicide by drowning in the ocean.

I held firm - no entrance back home till she starts therapy - not just says she is going to...

I found out she did get a hotel room after prom - her boyfriend was there with a few others - she got in a fist fight with her boyfriend's ex girl friend while the boyfriend stood back and watched them fight (her face was scratched up when she got here )

She's been gambling in the casinos (maybe)
living in a shelter
I think she may be stealing for clothes and food
hanging out with gangs

and about 3 hours ago she texted a random text.  All it said was:    #?
And when i didn't get what that meant she accused me of playing games Guess what?  She was asking for the p's phone number ..really...after all the emotions of the last 2 weeks i have energy to figure that one out.   I told her to let me know when her appt will be...

[twojaybirds]

Since prom 5 days ago my dd spent one night here getting here at 9:45 not 9 like she said under the guise of agreeing to therapy till 10:30, on her way into bed she announced, no therapy for her.  I couldn't put her out on the streets that late at night - but should have
Since then she has texted, returned here, yelled, lied, screamed, cajoled, manipulated, altered, accused me of having an affair with the p, of moving another female into her bedroom, suicide by drowning in the ocean.

I held firm - no entrance back home till she starts therapy - not just says she is going to...

I found out she did get a hotel room after prom - her boyfriend was there with a few others - she got in a fist fight with her boyfriend's ex girl friend while the boyfriend stood back and watched them fight (her face was scratched up when she got here )

She's been gambling in the casinos (maybe)
living in a shelter
I think she may be stealing for clothes and food
hanging out with gangs

and about 3 hours ago she texted a random text.  All it said was:    #?
And when i didn't get what that meant she accused me of playing games Guess what?  She was asking for the p's phone number ..really...after all the emotions of the last 2 weeks i have energy to figure that one out.   I told her to let me know when her appt will be...

[MagentaOrchid]

Good for you for holding firm.  It must be rough.  We had a therapy rule for our niece too.  She didn't fight it though.  She is very dependent.  But after a year of it, I was talking to my t about it and she said "why is she even in therapy?".  Because all she was doing was using it to manipulate the situation more.  My t said that pwBPD really have to be self motivated to have any success at all in therapy, and that only comes from them being in so much pain they are willing to admit their problems.  They can use it to "become better borderlines" (as my t said).  It was true in our niece's case...by the time we let her quit, she had her t telling us we weren't allowed to set limits with her behavior. 

I tell you this, because it is great you are sticking to it.  But it might end up not having an outcome you hope for and the pain and drama continue.

[twojaybirds]

First, love your name.

Thanks for that reminder however it is the only restriction that I hold her to that has any hope of anything.  Curfews, working, chores around the house will go no where, therapy atleast provides a little chance of hope.
Her p told me he has treated a few.  One was with him 10 years before she admitted she had a problem, then it was 2 years and she was much, much better.  Another he told me not such a good ending at all.

It is so sad with so few places to turn to since it is all such internal work.

How is your niece doing now?

[jbmom]

Wow -- alot happening.


Interesting info that your P shared. My DD attend therapy with alot of complaints but no real refusal. That being said, she tries to manipulate the entire time. She isn't really working on the problem. Though she is much calmer than she was this year... I think Magentaorchid labelled it -- she is becoming a better borderline.  The splitting is ever so present.  I am exhausted from juggling all the appointments. 2x week at T, 1x month at P, 9 appointments per month not including other family members and other appts (skin, teeth, sprained ankle, etc).

I wonder every day... when will we have that Aha moment that she will actually try in therapy and want to do better.

[MagentaOrchid]

I totally understand trying anything and everything you can.  And you have to give it a try.  I really tried everything in *my* power to get her help.  It felt like so many slammed shut doors.  But I do feel good I tried.

She is moving out in 2 days.  Packing today.  She is leaving without any temper tantrums so far. 

[Vivgood]

I held firm - no entrance back home till she starts therapy - not just says she is going to...

    good for you, it isn't easy.

My t said that pwBPD really have to be self motivated to have any success at all in therapy, and that only comes from them being in so much pain they are willing to admit their problems.  They can use it to "become better borderlines" (as my t said).

By and large, I agree. That said, mandatory tx at least demonstrates for your DD the importance of tx, and that there DO exisit effective ways to improve her life. Those are not trivial concepts.  Also, we tend to forget that DBT was actually designed for treating SI/SH specifically, not less overt behaviors. It works for other BPD symptoms, but the bulk of clinical research involves SI/SH.

I think of it as a 2-pronged approach at this age- facilitating (or at least not hindering) a meeting with "the bottom", and facilitating appropriate treatment.


vivgood

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