The Ah ha moments continue

[Think About It...]

As I am going through this process I can't tell you the number of Ah ha moments I have had.  I am sort of internally angry with myself for ignoring so so many things.  Like how she always spoke of an old boy friend and how he declared his car was more important than her.  Knowing what I know now I see the red flag here the abandonment and painting someone black.  Or old comments back in a long time ago where she told me outright I was the safe choice...  Her hoarding issues, she doesn't want things to leave either.  All that about her... Then more Ah moments regarding my part in all this.  I am so well angry at myself I let her do this to me.  Every time I let a boundary get destroyed or let her treat me so poorly, even more sad I let it get to this point and only her treatment of our daughter is what opened my eyes.  I'm actually blown away at all the daily revelations and insights some are harder than others to face.  Accepting my role was tough.  In the beginning of all this I only was happy to say finally I am not to blame for everything.  I see now I am not blame less either this process is so amazing, and if I make it out the other side I hope there is actual happiness out there for me.

edit- I forgot to add the metaphor I came up with to describe the BPD person in my life maybe someone nerdy can relate.  I relate them to galactus destroyer of worlds, and the silver surfer.  The surfer is the "nice" front person in the beginning the person that is scouting for folks to well destroy.  The real side is the Galactus who takes everything that a planet/ person in this case can give and leaves sending the surfer off ahead to scout the next replacement.  Its humorous and is helping me smile though this process..

[Knowingishalf]

As I am going through this process I can't tell you the number of Ah ha moments I have had.  I am sort of internally angry with myself for ignoring so so many things.  Like how she always spoke of an old boy friend and how he declared his car was more important than her.  Knowing what I know now I see the red flag here the abandonment and painting someone black.  Or old comments back in a long time ago where she told me outright I was the safe choice...  Her hoarding issues, she doesn't want things to leave either.  All that about her... Then more Ah moments regarding my part in all this.  I am so well angry at myself I let her do this to me.  Every time I let a boundary get destroyed or let her treat me so poorly, even more sad I let it get to this point and only her treatment of our daughter is what opened my eyes.  I'm actually blown away at all the daily revelations and insights some are harder than others to face.  Accepting my role was tough.  In the beginning of all this I only was happy to say finally I am not to blame for everything.  I see now I am not blame less either this process is so amazing, and if I make it out the other side I hope there is actual happiness out there for me.

edit- I forgot to add the metaphor I came up with to describe the BPD person in my life maybe someone nerdy can relate.  I relate them to galactus destroyer of worlds, and the silver surfer.  The surfer is the "nice" front person in the beginning the person that is scouting for folks to well destroy.  The real side is the Galactus who takes everything that a planet/ person in this case can give and leaves sending the surfer off ahead to scout the next replacement.  Its humorous and is helping me smile though this process..

[schwing]

I'm thinking more like Jean Grey and Dark Pheonix and their special power is distorted reality and over powering emotions.

[pallavirajsinghani]

...and talking about metaphors, I have frequently seen the black hole and vampire comparisons.

[dageaux]

I like the black hole of neediness. It will never be filled by anyone. Not me, not the previous bfs and not by anyone in the future!

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? This board is for members with failed or failing relationships that want to detach from their relationship and relationship wounds. If you are still analyzing the decision to stay, please post on Undecided: Staying or Leaving All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)