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Think About It... The Borderline and the narcissist. The borderline tends to be dominated mostly by abandonment fears, and the narcissistic person, by fear of the loss of specialness or appreciation.When the promise of that bond is threatened, the borderline responds with blame and attack defenses. The narcissist tends to withdraw, fears a loss of specialness, easily becomes injured or outraged ~Joan Lachkar, Ph.D..
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Author Topic: I finally did it...  (Read 455 times)
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« on: June 04, 2012, 01:45:01 PM »
As hard as it was for me i made the calls today.Since i do not have any medical INS,I was put on a waiting list for 1 on 1 councling.I am on a list of 2 different places here in the city that offers a sliding scale.

They were very nice to me and i am sure they new i was devestated.When they had me answer the questions,i started balling my eyes out.. cry cry...She told me to take a deep breathe and take my time.So i got through it all and i am gonna be placed at some point with a councler who has Exp. with co-dependency and BPD Partners..

I am in alot of pain over these last few years i have lived.I am a recoving alcoholic and drug addict of 20 years.I went through alot many years ago with that addiction.I was in and out of jail and even ended up on the streets.Today i am happy to be sober.

But this pain i have today is far worse than that pain i had years ago during my addiction.This has actually brought me to my knees and down further than my addiction.This bottom has leveled me and brought me to a very low place in my life.

Today is the first time i cryed and it was hard to let these tears fly.I am a grown strong man.I survived Prison and alot of hell in my life.I am suppose to be tough and stay strong.Which i did all my life.I got news for ya.I have been tossed to the ground screaming for this pain to stop.I am at a severe bottom holding on for dear life.Being in love with my BPD has done some damage over here.
Thanks for listening.
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MarshaDole
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Healing and moving on after BPD relationship
« Reply #1 on: June 04, 2012, 01:55:12 PM »
Devestated, I am so glad to read you made that call!   Doing the right thing

You're heading down the right path now and we're all behind you. You're not alone!
I got through the aftermath by coming here and seeing a T. You WILL get through this and feel better and stronger!   Doing the right thing    Hugs, Marsha
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MarshaDole
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Healing and moving on after BPD relationship
« Reply #2 on: June 04, 2012, 01:59:34 PM »
P.S. Tears carry away the toxic chemicals our bodies generate when we have painful emotions. So crying is not a bad thing!  And doing it in front of the admissions person was also a good thing. That person certainly recognized the nature of your breakup (i.e., an especially traumatic breakup involving someone with BPD), and that's why you have an appointment now with someone who has experience with these situations. Again, BRAVO!   Doing the right thing    More hugs, Marsha
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BleedsOrange
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« Reply #3 on: June 04, 2012, 02:00:24 PM »
Do you have a university around you? I know they often offer programs like that. Also, congratulations, I can tell you it feels really good to talk to a professional that knows about what you have been through and can help you remember that it isnt your fault and you're only going to get better.
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GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?
This board is for members with failed or failing relationships that want to detach from their relationship and relationship wounds. If you are still analyzing the decision to stay, please post on Undecided: Staying or Leaving
All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)
LoveNYC
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« Reply #4 on: June 04, 2012, 04:59:34 PM »
How do you feel now having made that step?
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BPD Magnet 1
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« Reply #5 on: June 04, 2012, 05:07:50 PM »
Quote from: LoveNYC on June 04, 2012, 04:59:34 PM
How do you feel now having made that step?
I feel like i am coming out of ''denial'' that i was in for so long.All her and i went through was a ''secret''.It was hush hush...

So i guess i feel some relief and some being proud i asked for outside help.I will hopefully have some professional help me see things i did not.
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suzn
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« Reply #6 on: June 04, 2012, 09:45:45 PM »
Quote from: devestated on June 04, 2012, 05:07:50 PM
I will hopefully have some professional help me see things i did not.

This will absolutely happen. This is a huge step, one to be proud of. It takes strength and courage to reach out for support.  Doing the right thing
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“Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you'll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others.” ~Jacob M. Braude
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« Reply #7 on: June 05, 2012, 03:00:44 PM »
Wow i am in luck... Doing the right thing

I just got a call from the intake.They were able to pull some strings for me and get me an appointment for Tuesday...I have to do my intake for 30 minutes and they put me with a man councler that has alot of EXP. with Co-Dependant and BPD...Maybe there is a GOD reaching down helping me.

I remember when i ''tried'' to go to councling when i was living with my BPDGF.She would run interference and she would accuse me of having SEX with the counclers.She would go crazy and nuts to stop me from going to councling,for some odd reason.At that time i was thinking she would be ''PROUD'' of me.I needed validation from her.I wanted her to be proud of me.But that back fired on me.It was evident this was a THREAT to her.So as usual i did not go to appease her..Kinda wierd i can go without being ABUSED and PUNISHED..
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MarshaDole
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Healing and moving on after BPD relationship
« Reply #8 on: June 05, 2012, 10:45:42 PM »
Devestated, that's such wonderful news! You can be truly proud of yourself for taking this big step forward! I bet you'll be on here this time next year inspiring the newbie posters with your story and encouraging them to start down this road that leads to a better life.

So glad to hear this report! And please keep us posted.

Hugs, Marsha
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MindfulJavaJoe
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« Reply #9 on: June 06, 2012, 05:44:48 AM »
devestated,

I am glad you had the courage to reach out and look for support.  Empathy

I cannot tell you how much of an impact my therapist has made in my life. Helping me through the grieving process where I was defaastated. Detaching from my ex. Taking a hard look at me. Reclaiming my life.

Hang in there, Take it one day at a time, live in the momment, there will be good days and bad. Keep moving in the direction that you are going until you come out the other side.  Doing the right thing  

MJJ
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BPDFamily.com > Dealing with Relationship Partners (heterosexual, gay, lesbian) with BPD  > [L3] Leaving: Detaching from the Wounds of a failed BPD Relationship  > Topic: I finally did it...
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