As hard as it was for me i made the calls today.Since i do not have any medical INS,I was put on a waiting list for 1 on 1 councling.I am on a list of 2 different places here in the city that offers a sliding scale.
They were very nice to me and i am sure they new i was devestated.When they had me answer the questions,i started balling my eyes out..
...She told me to take a deep breathe and take my time.So i got through it all and i am gonna be placed at some point with a councler who has Exp. with co-dependency and BPD Partners..
I am in alot of pain over these last few years i have lived.I am a recoving alcoholic and drug addict of 20 years.I went through alot many years ago with that addiction.I was in and out of jail and even ended up on the streets.Today i am happy to be sober.
But this pain i have today is far worse than that pain i had years ago during my addiction.This has actually brought me to my knees and down further than my addiction.This bottom has leveled me and brought me to a very low place in my life.
Today is the first time i cryed and it was hard to let these tears fly.I am a grown strong man.I survived Prison and alot of hell in my life.I am suppose to be tough and stay strong.Which i did all my life.I got news for ya.I have been tossed to the ground screaming for this pain to stop.I am at a severe bottom holding on for dear life.Being in love with my BPD has done some damage over here.
Thanks for listening.