Note to self - NEVER ok to shop with DD

[Think About It....]

When will I learn?  I made the mistake of telling my dd that we can take a little ride to go to a "second hand" clothing store to look for clothes for my gs.  I was looking for clothes for my gs, and clothes are getting more expensive, as he is bigger now.  He is actually in a youth size now.  After browsing, the other day, I thought of trying this consignment store. 

My dd even managed to make this a big deal.  She invited my sister and demands that my other sister sit with my mother.  True, this sister does not contribute much help with my mother, but my dd seems more bothered by it, than I.  My dd was furious when I told her that my sister could sit with my mother, but not until later in the day.  My dd felt it was worth a post on FB, complaining how my sister does not contribute.  She did exclude my sister's children from being able to view it.  Anyways, my sister was going to sit with my mom, just not as early as my dd wanted to start out. So, no big deal!

My dd wants to go to the mall before we go to the other store.  I am starting to feel that shopping with my dd is not going to go well.  I  reluctantly agreed that she can have my cc and gave her a limit.  At first, I said $25, as I knew we were doing other shopping.  Then, I upped it to no more than $50.  She managed to find a sufficient amount of clothing for $49.  Good!

Several hours later, we start our trip.  Drop my mom off to my sister's.  Go to consignment shop and did not find much, but found a few items.  My dd asks so quitely, if I minded if we stopped by Old Navy.  She wanted to get flip flops for my gs.  My sister said that she planned on going to the mall, anyways.  Oh yikes!  Not only, does she get some extras for my gs, but threw in a bathing suit for herself.  She told me that could be my birthday present for her.  I spent about $50 more than I planned. 

And, yet, it was not over!  He needs shoes.  I told her, that I could not afford the shoes, as she overspent at the other store.  I told her that I would get him shoes, if she returned the other stuff.  And, she turned it around, and how can I deny my gs who needs shoes.  She was turning into her teeny brat mode.  Actaully, starting to argue with me in the mall.  Telling me that I used to always buy him a lot of clothes.  Yes, and my income was 60% more. 

She turns into hate mode about my dh.  How can I deny my gs shoes when my dh smokes 3 packs a day.  He smokes 1 1/2 packs, and he works to pay for his OWN cigarettes. And, has been buying her cigs, since she did not have a job.  I reminded my dd that it was not my responsibility to clothe my gs.  I made sure that he had SUFFICIENT clothing.  My dd wants enough, as to not have to do laundry for a month.  

 I get enough of money to support, myself!  I just obtained a per diem job that I was able to self schedule. (working on weeknds)  However, I will not be able to afford any extras for awhile, as I will be paying off my credit card debt!

I planned on buying my gs more clothes.  Just, not all of them, TODAY!

My dd did apolgize for her tantrum.  Sure, after she got what she wanted.  I am sure that if she did not get what she wanted, I would not have received an apology.   

I was in Wise Mind mode for quite awhile.  I dropped it a few days ago.  And, then I get the spoiled brat behavior.  Back to CHILLIN!

I am getting tired, and forgive me, if I do not edit this enough. (For those of you, that still managed to give it a read, after seeing the length) Sorry, for a long vent!

[peaceplease]

When will I learn?  I made the mistake of telling my dd that we can take a little ride to go to a "second hand" clothing store to look for clothes for my gs.  I was looking for clothes for my gs, and clothes are getting more expensive, as he is bigger now.  He is actually in a youth size now.  After browsing, the other day, I thought of trying this consignment store. 

My dd even managed to make this a big deal.  She invited my sister and demands that my other sister sit with my mother.  True, this sister does not contribute much help with my mother, but my dd seems more bothered by it, than I.  My dd was furious when I told her that my sister could sit with my mother, but not until later in the day.  My dd felt it was worth a post on FB, complaining how my sister does not contribute.  She did exclude my sister's children from being able to view it.  Anyways, my sister was going to sit with my mom, just not as early as my dd wanted to start out. So, no big deal!

My dd wants to go to the mall before we go to the other store.  I am starting to feel that shopping with my dd is not going to go well.  I  reluctantly agreed that she can have my cc and gave her a limit.  At first, I said $25, as I knew we were doing other shopping.  Then, I upped it to no more than $50.  She managed to find a sufficient amount of clothing for $49.  Good!

Several hours later, we start our trip.  Drop my mom off to my sister's.  Go to consignment shop and did not find much, but found a few items.  My dd asks so quitely, if I minded if we stopped by Old Navy.  She wanted to get flip flops for my gs.  My sister said that she planned on going to the mall, anyways.  Oh yikes!  Not only, does she get some extras for my gs, but threw in a bathing suit for herself.  She told me that could be my birthday present for her.  I spent about $50 more than I planned. 

And, yet, it was not over!  He needs shoes.  I told her, that I could not afford the shoes, as she overspent at the other store.  I told her that I would get him shoes, if she returned the other stuff.  And, she turned it around, and how can I deny my gs who needs shoes.  She was turning into her teeny brat mode.  Actaully, starting to argue with me in the mall.  Telling me that I used to always buy him a lot of clothes.  Yes, and my income was 60% more. 

She turns into hate mode about my dh.  How can I deny my gs shoes when my dh smokes 3 packs a day.  He smokes 1 1/2 packs, and he works to pay for his OWN cigarettes. And, has been buying her cigs, since she did not have a job.  I reminded my dd that it was not my responsibility to clothe my gs.  I made sure that he had SUFFICIENT clothing.  My dd wants enough, as to not have to do laundry for a month.  

 I get enough of money to support, myself!  I just obtained a per diem job that I was able to self schedule. (working on weeknds)  However, I will not be able to afford any extras for awhile, as I will be paying off my credit card debt!

I planned on buying my gs more clothes.  Just, not all of them, TODAY!

My dd did apolgize for her tantrum.  Sure, after she got what she wanted.  I am sure that if she did not get what she wanted, I would not have received an apology.   

I was in Wise Mind mode for quite awhile.  I dropped it a few days ago.  And, then I get the spoiled brat behavior.  Back to CHILLIN!

I am getting tired, and forgive me, if I do not edit this enough. (For those of you, that still managed to give it a read, after seeing the length) Sorry, for a long vent!

[goinbonkers]

sorry you had to go through all that.  seems like she is just not quite adept at controlling her own emotions.  would be a good idea if she worked on that now rather than later.  i am just saying.

[twojaybirds]

Oh peaceplease, your story put a knot in my stomach.  It sounds like a horrid day. 
Perhaps the next time, if there is one, you leave the house with a list, determned to stay within that list and your budget. 

[AVA44]

Yes, our credit cards are magic, aren't they? I almost feel like a chump for paying the bill since so often it is not my stuff that's on there (she does not get to use my cards, just talking about shopping trips with me, daughter, and cards).

Using the kids to pry your hard earned cash from you is classic (not my daughter yet- no kids, but I have seen that in action). That was the hook. You look at it, and think "well, it's not his fault, and he does need...". I think your statement that you are not responsible to cloth him should be your mantra- hard to remember because emotionally you want him to have what he needs. Good also that you at one point seemed to sort out needs vs. wants: "sufficient" is good enough, and still more than you are personally responsible for.

I am not a "clothes horse" myself, and yet I know too well how this goes.

[Thursday]

peaceplease,

Oh NO! You didn't go shopping with her! That is really a RULE for me. Impossible. Find some other kind of activity you enjoy doing together, Shopping is a mine field.

 Shoppingred-flag  Shoppingred-flag  Shoppingred-flag  Shoppingred-flag  Shoppingred-flag  Shopping  |>

Just say NO!

I do love the resale shops and see the cutest kids clothes in them.  

Your DD wants enough clothes so that she doesn't have to do laundry for a month.

Did she say that outloud?

thursday

[vivekananda]

How hard is it eh? You set off thinking all is under control and this could be a good thing to do... and then it goes awry.

I think the warning bells were ringing when she wasn't happy with your sis minding your mum when it was convenient for her, not for your DD.

Maybe for anything that like that, we need a back up plan, plan B - the alternative...

It is so hard for me to have to think about all possibilities and to self censor my responses all the time. There is never any let up. Except the mixed blessing of NC.

Vivek, wanting to say to peaceplease - it must have been a bummer, I'm sorry.

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[seekinglight]

NO SHOPPING

Repeat that and rense until it is clear to your daughter you are not her atm.

Do you know the little guy's size?  Buy what you want when you want and that will be that.

I know the feeling of seeking to do something normal, that you see all the other Moms and Daughters doing, and having it blow up in your face.

Being manipulated and used is an awful feeling, and then we get mad at ourselves for allowing it to happen again!  What minefields we travel through even trying to be kind.

[peaceplease]

thursday - No to the month of laundry.  I just thought that to myself.  But, it is soooo true.  She was used to have him having    many clothes.  And, she would go for about a month of doing laundry, for herself and my gs.  

twojaybirds - There never will be another time.  TRUST ME! I was very good about not shopping with her.  I know that it is a big set up for some tantrums.  

AVA44 - Oh yes, I felt like a chump when I heard the total. I did not have enough of money left to make that one purchase.  I pulled out the cc with a huge balance on it, already.(My cc was put on a freeze by me.  I caved because I did not want to have the arguement in line)  My fault for not doing the math ahead of time.

goinbonkers - You are 100% right.  The next time that my gs throws a tantrum, I will want to yell  "Karma" to my dd.  She is a huge believer in Karma.  I may try to talk to her about her behavior, today.  But, then again, I may just chalk this one up as me having a brain zap and move on.  I have not gone to the store with her for a very long time.  I knew that was a danger zone for us.

vivekenanda - You hit the naill on the head.  I was re-thinking this trip from her reaction about my one  sister.  I wanted to give my one sister the cash, and tell her to hold on to it, and pay for cothes out of money.  What was really nervy of her - to say that she will ask my sister to pay for the shoes.  Now mind you, this sister already paid my dd $200 in advance for cleaning for the summer.

I should have seen this one coming.  I lifted the Wise Mind.  But, I am now, back to  CHILLIN...

seekinglight - Yes.  It will be my mantra forever!   This was our first trip in over two years.  I was silly to think that, perhaps, she may behave.  Shopping with her is a trigger for bratty behavior.

[goinbonkers]

naw no wishing karma.  that won't help matters any.  just put your foot down.  it does seem like you put it down, but not firmly.  just remember that you will never be able to control your dd's attitude/actions (been there).  but you can control your own.  if your dd doesn't like it, too bad. 

[peaceplease]

I really would not wish karma.  Seriously, I never wish anyone  misery.  And, my gs is only five, so a tantrum from him is not so shocking.  Her behavior is not so age appropriate. 

I took a risk and went shopping with her.  But, I am back to my cautious self and will not put myself in that situation  ever again.  That was the first time in a very long time that I went shopping with her.  It was dangerous then, and it still is.  I told her that I vowed to never ever go shopping with her, again.  I was just plain silly to think that we were over the tantrum stage!

[goinbonkers]

try not to be so hard on yourself.  if you had a broken leg, you'd need to try to walk on it again sometime.  t'is better to try and fail than to not try at all.