Why is it so hard to make them understand?

[Think About It...]

why why why?
I ask this often too-and I am frankly puzzled as I have no trouble making my needs, wants or opinions known and heard by others. it's just my H who cannot/will not hear me.
to make it worse he turns everything back onto me even if the complaint was legitimately MINE to begin with.
I state calmly that I am disappointed/unhappy over XYZ...and even if it was a joint venture or plan it somehow ends up ALL MY FAULT.

He even takes my life events to be ALL MY *choices*- forgetting that we fell in love and wanted to be together-NO. (He was just here coincidentally?)

I left my old life, my job, my hometown to be with him...and he blames ME alone, for that.
Forgetting that he threatened me that we would be *through* even after two years together if I didn't move in with him! 
I guess I could have drawn a hard line and thrown away our r/s at that point.

He's the victim, has done everything to make me happy <snort>         and I was the one who has NO right to feel regret over (what he claims were) ALL MY CHOICES.
this is the stuff that he vents to his friends and sponsors. Ugh.

So yeah...Sometimes I ask WHY, too!
GL

[gina louise]

why why why?
I ask this often too-and I am frankly puzzled as I have no trouble making my needs, wants or opinions known and heard by others. it's just my H who cannot/will not hear me.
to make it worse he turns everything back onto me even if the complaint was legitimately MINE to begin with.
I state calmly that I am disappointed/unhappy over XYZ...and even if it was a joint venture or plan it somehow ends up ALL MY FAULT.

He even takes my life events to be ALL MY *choices*- forgetting that we fell in love and wanted to be together-NO. (He was just here coincidentally?)

I left my old life, my job, my hometown to be with him...and he blames ME alone, for that.
Forgetting that he threatened me that we would be *through* even after two years together if I didn't move in with him! 
I guess I could have drawn a hard line and thrown away our r/s at that point.

He's the victim, has done everything to make me happy <snort>         and I was the one who has NO right to feel regret over (what he claims were) ALL MY CHOICES.
this is the stuff that he vents to his friends and sponsors. Ugh.

So yeah...Sometimes I ask WHY, too!
GL

[RFaith]

This thread is very helpful to me. as is the workshop. thanks for including the link.

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? This board is for analyzing and making the decision to either continue working on your relationship or to leave it. If you have already please advance to "L3 Leaving" or the "L4 Staying" board. All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)

[WallyGator]

Sadly, they don't have a clue as to who they are or what they want and therefore have no context in which they live.

I remember one time talking with my BPD ex she got on me for talking to her like a "child".  I suppose I was, because even at 26 years old she was not getting it.  Her big thing was triangulation (read definition).  She could not get it thru her thick head how damaging it was.  But on the other hand, she demanded I take her on client dinners if there was a female involved.  I was like...really? 

At the end of our relationship and two weeks with her after she announced she was pregnant, she bought some lingerie and tried to seduce me at the end of the night.  She said to me "I threw out all of my other lingerie because of the bad memories (lingerie I had bought her)".  It was already over in my mind at that point as I knew she was getting served with a protective order in the next day or two (my attorney told me to keep her close so I did).  I wanted to vomit at the site of her as I was so done with her crap and angry at the pregnancy entrapment.  The next morning she wanted to have sex but I told her I was sick to my stomach due to something I ate.  She left to go to work and as she is did not offer any comforting words to her sick boyfriend...so typical of her.  That was the last time I saw her before a re-engagement 6 months later and her violating PO and getting arrested. 

In the last 45 days of out time together she was saying nothing but bad things about me to her "friends" and had changed the ring tone on her phone to some tune from a horror movie when I called her.  She also drank a lot more and got drunk frequently.  This is when she went off the pill without telling me.  It makes zero sense.  All of her actions pushed me away yet she was conniving her pregnancy.  Very sick indeed. 

Men are from Mars.  Women are from Venus.  BPDs are from Hell.