It will feel selfish, and our partners will call us selfish. They will accuse us of not loving them. This its where your validation skills mix with your boundaries in taking cared of what you value...
Of course, I 'want' to be viewed as an unselfish person - especially by my loved ones.
So how do we know what unselfish looks like? (after all, perception is reality and if our closest loved ones feel we are selfish then at least in their mind, we are).
Just pointing out that this is where the real rubber meets the road. We have to changed our external feedback sources to include a broader range of individuals. Simply self monitoring and 'knowing' internally - isnt really balanced either. We learn to understand these limits via external feedback (often when growing up) - but over time develop a sense of ourselves in the world so that we no longer need as much third party validation.
But after being torn down for years, it needs a reset and discovery once again, of where the lines are. Interaction with friends, family, colleagues, other people that are able to provide some perspective that is genuinely balanced is a critical part of this.