Advice needed for an ugly situation

[Think About It...]

So this is how it goes_

[Empty]

So this is how it goes_

[multiball]

I wish I could offer advice, but all I can offer is sympathy at the moment.  It sounds to me that you are doing the right thing, but I'm certainly no expert.  New to this all myself.

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? This board is for analyzing and making the decision to either continue working on your relationship or to leave it. If you have already please advance to "L3 Leaving" or the "L4 Staying" board. All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)

[Clearmind]

Wow Empty! There is a whole lot going on here. Your wife (w) is certainly dysregulated and the safest thing you can do for you is to remove yourself from the house which you did. While dysregualted you will not be able to reason with your w.  To stop the conflict removing yourself is great practice.  Your wife needs to self soothe and not use or abuse you to do that.

It sounds to me, and correct me if I am wrong, that you want time out from this situation _

[Empty]

Hi Clearmind

Today i'm ok but frustrated by trying to get DOCS to listen to me. I'm out of the home and gone NC which means i have no idea how the kids are except to say that i can only imagine the way she has been using them in the last 24 hours to try and get to me would be that they would have to be scared and upset.

I spoke with my boss this morning and explained how things are when he asked. He agreed that the kids need to be in care and that at the end of this project i'm on he will send me to Bundaberg to start work on a major road project (i'm a surveyor) so that will put about a day and a half drive between me and her.

My conversation with DOCS has basically been that they expect me to be the dad and take care of the kids. The rural property, no job, no car reality part if i did that just seemed to escape them. I work shift work away from myhome and i can't haul the kids around with me and if i stay at home then the job is gone. My immeadiate thoughts are to talk to my family and see if one of my brothers can take the kids while i sort out what is what. A big ask as they have families of their own and it would mean she would end up impacting into their lives which is patently unfair of me to put them in that situation.

I feel like i am inbetween a rock and a hard place right now.

[Clearmind]

Empty, the situation with the kids is also heading into legal territory and can I suggest you post on the Leaving Board: Family law, divorce and custody board.

In relation to the kids it does not hurt to ask family/friends - you need some help right now and reach out to those you trust and respect. Build your support network. All the best.

[Happiest]

My immeadiate thoughts are to talk to my family and see if one of my brothers can take the kids while i sort out what is what. A big ask as they have families of their own and it would mean she would end up impacting into their lives which is patently unfair of me to put them in that situation.

You know what, they probably have thought of that option themselves but maybe doent want to interfere untill you ask them.
I wouldnt want my kids with anyone else but family. and in this country you know you can organise restraining orders to protect your family from her advances.

Good luck with it though.
One thought..can you afford a babysitter to help out? Like an older woman. She can look agter them in your own home (wherever that may be in the near future)

I have a friend that managed by offerring free accomodation to a really nice woman.
Good luck Empty
xx

[OnceConfused]

accept and plan for the worst case then your mind will be at peace.

Additionally, keep her emails and see if there is a way to print out her text messages (with time stamps). This way you can protect yourself.

2. don't get near her without another person present. She could then falsely accuse you of raping, physical abuse ...

3. Can you physically have custody of the children ?

4. If she wants to commit suicide. Call the police and unless the children need to be picked up from her place, don't go there.


Sound like she is not only BPD but also delusional. A very dangerous situation for you.

[Empty]

Thanks OnceConfused

I have the emails and I think i can print out he text messages. I have zero intention of placing myself in a situation where she can make false accusations as I feel she is quite capable of doing just that. The police and ambos did attend on Tuesday night last and have done what they can at this point. Legally I could have custody of the kids but circumstances dictate that it is not practical for me to do so at this time as I work away. I have contacted DOCS regards temporary care for them in order that I can have the time needed to put something in place for them.

And finally, yes she does get delusional not to mention violent when she rages so I did the best thing I could do and that is to leave, go NC and put my energies to the business at hand without her distortion and manipulation getting in the way.

[Happiest]

Thanks OnceConfused

I have the emails and I think i can print out he text messages. I have zero intention of placing myself in a situation where she can make false accusations as I feel she is quite capable of doing just that. The police and ambos did attend on Tuesday night last and have done what they can at this point. Legally I could have custody of the kids but circumstances dictate that it is not practical for me to do so at this time as I work away. I have contacted DOCS regards temporary care for them in order that I can have the time needed to put something in place for them.

And finally, yes she does get delusional not to mention violent when she rages so I did the best thing I could do and that is to leave, go NC and put my energies to the business at hand without her distortion and manipulation getting in the way.

 


keep you chin up