Do they every remember the good times

[Think About It...]

It got me to thinking if the BPD in my life remembers the good times. Let me break NC of 6 months, ruin my serenity and call him and find out. NOT!     

Rather put my tongue on a hot stove. 

[1brokenwing]

It got me to thinking if the BPD in my life remembers the good times. Let me break NC of 6 months, ruin my serenity and call him and find out. NOT!     

Rather put my tongue on a hot stove. 

[Sabine]

I think they do remember the 'good' times but they are distorted. Mine used to write letters and list all the good times we used to have. He always described the good times way different than how I remember them.

I think they remember the bad times and moments a lot less. They don't want to face the yucky stuff they did it becomes minimized and pushed aside. There's too much shame for them to handle.

That's how mine seemed anyway...

[Dera]

I think they remember the bad times and moments a lot less. They don't want to face the yucky stuff they did it becomes minimized and pushed aside. There's too much shame for them to handle.

That's how mine seemed anyway...

New thread: Do they remember the bad times? :P

[BewilderedBF]

Wow it really is so helpful to realize I'm not the only one who went through this...when I was being demonized/painted black I would just flat out ask "do you not remember a, b c and x, y z"  ?

You'd think I never did anything nice for my BPD ex-gf, when the opposite was true. 

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? This board is for members with failed or failing relationships that want to detach from their relationship and relationship wounds. If you are still analyzing the decision to stay, please post on Undecided: Staying or Leaving All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)

[LoveNYC]

The "good times" we recall may have not been good for them.

He was often at his worst when I was happy, or immediately after.

He despised my happiness. I'm not sure why.

[Sabine]

The "good times" we recall may have not been good for them.

He was often at his worst when I was happy, or immediately after.

He despised my happiness. I'm not sure why.

Indeed. Mine had 'no room' for my happiness, good fortune, or achievements... he could only spend a 1/2 a second on my stuff (never really listened) then moved right into his stuff. The more I look back and think of him the more I shudder at the thought of us being a real couple or partnership. It was never that way... my happiness meant nothing to him, zero, zilch, nada.

[myself]

My exBPD didn't really hang onto the good times very long. They were more like an oasis in the middle of all the negativity. If I ever made a 'mistake' or did something 'wrong' (pretty stacked deck there, too, as we all know), she'd say all the Good just evaporated and it was back to zero. Start all over again (proving that I loved her, jump through the hoops). Things like photos that held good memories were also not of much importance to her. Bringing up the good times didn't get much of a response, but when she wanted to unleash the bad memories, that whole list was ALWAYS at the ready.

I think BPD keeps them from holding onto the good as they're always on the run from the bad. The bad takes over. The good gets left back there in the dust.

[abusedbyBPD]

I also hate that she held on to every hurt and just kept bringing them up.  She held grudges forever.  She would fight about things I did during the first couple months of the relationship that she felt were hurtful and made me pay for it a year later.  I could to 100 nice things but it only took one thing to hurt her to make her forget weeks and weeks of love and attention.

Also, the few things she always brought up were so petty to any non.  But to her they were earth shattering. 

Now during the breakup she can only continue to speak about those few hurtful times.  i can remind her of the 100's of acts of kindness but all she remembers is the petty bull sht stuff.

It's so frustrating.  I hate fighting with an adult child... I NEVER win.  I'm toooooo nice and tooooo good for her.

[lastwave]

JUST NOW ! My "BFF" BPD/NPD forgot in the period of a few hours that we had been having a decent conversation --again focused on her-- helping her deal with a work issue, and then following a meeting (where she sent me a text to get her some coffee--she was sitting next to the coffee and I was on the other side of the room) she walked right by me as if I wasn't even there and got in her car. She had plans with another woman and they were asking other men they knew to join them for dinner.

She didn't remember at all after a few hours...was she pi**ed because i didn't get her coffee? was she just pi**ed in general...there is no way to answer this because in her mind everyone is an object that has a function...I apparently don't have a go-to-dinner function when there are other objects available.--> She had a better source of supply for the evening so I was dispensable---she will call tonight or tomorrow morning as if nothing had happened-->and her reason for calling some made up Bullsh*t to cover the fact that she needs her supply and no one is available except me...THIS IS HOW THEY ARE--they can't help it...they don't even think about how their behaviors might affect others and they don't have good memories...

it is two hours later and she has text-ed twice and is calling in a few minutes--hilarious !

[LoveNYC]

JUST NOW ! My "BFF" BPD/NPD forgot in the period of a few hours that we had been having a decent conversation --again focused on her-- helping her deal with a work issue, and then following a meeting (where she sent me a text to get her some coffee--she was sitting next to the coffee and I was on the other side of the room) she walked right by me as if I wasn't even there and got in her car. She had plans with another woman and they were asking other men they knew to join them for dinner.

She didn't remember at all after a few hours...was she pi**ed because i didn't get her coffee? was she just pi**ed in general...there is no way to answer this because in her mind everyone is an object that has a function...I apparently don't have a go-to-dinner function when there are other objects available.--> She had a better source of supply for the evening
 so I was dispensable---she will call tonight or tomorrow morning as if nothing had happened-->and her reason for calling some made up Bullsh*t to cover the fact that she needs her supply and no one is available except me...THIS IS HOW THEY ARE--they
 can't help it...they don't even think about how their behaviors might affect others and they don't have good memories...

it is two hours later and she has text-ed twice and is calling in a few minutes--hilarious

!

Will you answer?


Have you considered NC?

How can you escape from this toxic relationship?

[lastwave]

Will you answer?

Yes. I'm not ready to not take the call

Have you considered NC?

I have tried it and i can only make it two days so far

How can you escape from this toxic relationship?

my awareness about the abusive nature of this relationship is growing and now I can "see" when events like tonight are taking place and am not sweeping under the rug--emotionally. I'm hoping that my growing awrenss will lead to the strength to go NC.

[goinbonkers]

oh they do remember the good times.  just not for very long or consistent.  welcome to the land of pwBPD.