Why did she leave the one person who treated her the best?

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Bad idea right? Stay NO contact is what I should do isn't it?

IMHO...bad idea.  Stay NC. I know it's a struggle, but having any contact could set you back to square one.
 I am almost 3 years out and still struggle with some of the same things that you do, but I will never contact her again because I've accepted that she has severe damage/personality disorder and that will never change.

[stillbreathing]

Bad idea right? Stay NO contact is what I should do isn't it?

IMHO...bad idea.  Stay NC. I know it's a struggle, but having any contact could set you back to square one.
 I am almost 3 years out and still struggle with some of the same things that you do, but I will never contact her again because I've accepted that she has severe damage/personality disorder and that will never change.

[Butterfly78]

It's interesting learning how they live in the moment. After my ex professed his love for months and desire to marry me so badly, I started to be ready to plan for this and then he started getting distant and wanted us to put a hold on our feelings and come back to them when he felt we were more ready spiritually. I was like wth? He kept saying I plan too far ahead and he can't. He said he can only plan by the week. Now I see his actions were just about the moment. Loves me and wants me one minute, the next lets act like friends and keep our distance. No wonder I stayed an emotional mess.

[bpdlover]

It's very much about the moment. To try out different people while still in close emotional proximity to someone speaks volumes. Don't make any long term plans.

[Megatron]

It's been 2 years and I feel like I've barely moved on. I've tried everything. I just started going to another therapist but I feel like its not even going to help me. I can't stop thinking about my ex. I can't stop having feelings for her and wanting to be with her even though she rejected me. What is it going to take for me to fully heal and move on? It's not easy and now I fear that I will die alone and never meet anyone to share my life with. I don't think I'll ever be ready to be involved with someone else romantically. My ex said to me in her last contact to me that she hopes that she hasn't done anything to damage me for someone else. If she only knew.

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? This board is for members with failed or failing relationships that want to detach from their relationship and relationship wounds. If you are still analyzing the decision to stay, please post on Undecided: Staying or Leaving All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)

[stillbreathing]

It's been 2 years and I feel like I've barely moved on. I've tried everything. I just started going to another therapist but I feel like its not even going to help me. I can't stop thinking about my ex. I can't stop having feelings for her and wanting to be with her even though she rejected me. What is it going to take for me to fully heal and move on? It's not easy and now I fear that I will die alone and never meet anyone to share my life with. I don't think I'll ever be ready to be involved with someone else romantically. My ex said to me in her last contact to me that she hopes that she hasn't done anything to damage me for someone else. If she only knew.

I am almost three years out and feel some of the same things that you feel such as not ready for another romantic relationship yet and fear of ending up alone. I wonder if I'll ever fully heal and do not think it will happen...there will always be a scar, but I can live with a scar and move on. I have been forever changed by this relationship with a BPD and have radically accepted that I must grieve my own innocence lost along with the relationship. I have been moving on. I have even surprised myself lately by taking some chances that the "old me" would never have taken. I restarted therapy with a new therapist and it has made a big difference. If you find one that isn't helping, find a new one and ask important questions early to see if they can help someone in your situation. Above all else, NO CONTACT is a must for moving on. I also started to fill my life and time up with good people and new things/hobbies which has helped her to fade into the background. I still think of her but not nearly as much as time goes on.

[bpdlover]

It's interesting to read the last couple of posts. I am in the same boat to a degree. A sort of PTSD comes to mind dealing with the aftermath of a relationship like this. It has been almost two years and I have let go and am living life. I think my ex would enjoy the sensation of reducing someone to nothing and having them take their own lives or live in torturous pain over them. Taking responsibility for allowing ourselves to be treated poorly and working on ourselves will assist the healing process. The ex asserted a dominance over me I have never allowed anybody to have prior. She was emotionally and physically intimidating especially in the last few months of the relationship. I was constantly living under the implied threat of being replaced. There was no morality in this and she used a ton of excuses about my previous relationships and conversations with family and friends to justify painting me black. It's hard to believe that somebody can be so cruel and inaccurate in evaluating a person, but this seems to be BPD. I couldn't go on living life intimidated by her moods, her ability to snare a new love object or physically intimidate and manhandle me. She controlled our sex life totally and then projected that onto me for complaining that it was always on her terms. I still don't know to this day why she made up lies to end it or how my child is and have come to accept this. If she cannot see that alienating a child from a good parent or inventing stories to paint someone black is wrong, then why bother trying to reason with her. NC now and in future is key. I hope things are getting better for you both and keep in touch.

[stillbreathing]

A sort of PTSD comes to mind dealing with the aftermath of a relationship like this.

Look up "adjustment disorder"

I think my ex would enjoy the sensation of reducing someone to nothing and having them take their own lives or live in torturous pain over them. 

I agree. Mine would also. Some of her disorder played out on an unconscious level but there were other cruel acts that were conscious and intentional. She took pleasure in inflicting pain/hurt in those instances which occured toward the end of our relationship in the last few months. She also made statements implying I was suicidal that really confused me because I never felt that way. I now see it was her attempt at manipulating me and projection but it failed at that point as I already had a glimpse behind the curtain.

[Mr. Tibbs]

My story is almost similar to yours only I didn't travel halfway across the world instead I traveled halfway across the country TWICE. Once to move on with her and her family then the second time to visit her and both times she pushed ne away. I also see a T and she has helped me understand more about myself which is great! We would never FULLY understand BP's but sites like this plus reading about this disorder definitely helps. Only advice I have for you is that you must maintain NC. Block her from your phone,Facebook,emails etc. I know its hard TRUST ME, but in the long run it will help in your recovery. The only positive thing about my relationship is that it made me turn the mirror on myself and understand why I allowed thia relationship to go as far as it did. I was very lucky to find out things about my ex previous relationships and found out that she has been this way for a very long time and that I was no different than the others. In fact she has had numerous of good men in her life and she has destroyed their lives. I refused to allow her to destroy mine. When she pushed me away the first time I broke NC and that left room for her to manipulate me into thinking things were all my fault. The second time I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of doing it again. Maybe she will call one day ,maybe she won't but one thing is for sure and that I'm in control this time in what I will allow. She had control the last time.

[bpdlover]

Sounds like you are dealing with it very proactively. You were lucky to find out about her history as my ex stage managed everything under tight control and I was never allowed to close or even near her phone or computer except when I was loading music for her. She was really living a lie and part of me failed to accept this because I wanted to believe what came out of her mouth. Being close to someone who is not what they say is a frightening experience. NC is the only way forward. Who would we be having contact with anyway?

[myself]

Because to a pwBPD, there is no 'best'.