Obsession or Love?

[Think About It...]

We all remember and maybe we sometimes long for the good old days before we knew about borderline personality disorder and all the crap that goes along with it.  Maybe we still want to go back to the way things were...to the fantasy.  To the love.  But what is the measure of love really?

I was easily flattered at first by the intesne attention and my expwBPD's obsession for me.  I mistakenly thought this obsession was love.  Obsession is focused on taking.  Love focuses on giving.  We all have our reasons for giving and loving too much.  We all have to decide what or why this was.  But I know that my ex's obsession with me was centered on him using me to make himself feel better and he ended up treating me like an object.  He completely lost his own identity and was completely consumed by his desire to control me.  Obsession stems from a place of deep insecurity.  It ended up being a prison for us both.

I think the idealization phase represents obsessive love and this isn't the love I want or need.  So maybe the next time you wish for the "love" you had...you will consider what this *love* really was and what it really means to you.

Next time I'm going to know the difference.

Peace to you all 

tailspin

[tailspin]

We all remember and maybe we sometimes long for the good old days before we knew about borderline personality disorder and all the crap that goes along with it.  Maybe we still want to go back to the way things were...to the fantasy.  To the love.  But what is the measure of love really?

I was easily flattered at first by the intesne attention and my expwBPD's obsession for me.  I mistakenly thought this obsession was love.  Obsession is focused on taking.  Love focuses on giving.  We all have our reasons for giving and loving too much.  We all have to decide what or why this was.  But I know that my ex's obsession with me was centered on him using me to make himself feel better and he ended up treating me like an object.  He completely lost his own identity and was completely consumed by his desire to control me.  Obsession stems from a place of deep insecurity.  It ended up being a prison for us both.

I think the idealization phase represents obsessive love and this isn't the love I want or need.  So maybe the next time you wish for the "love" you had...you will consider what this *love* really was and what it really means to you.

Next time I'm going to know the difference.

Peace to you all 

tailspin

[chiha]

Tailspin I totally agree with this line of thinking. It really reminds me of something I wrote last year in my journal when I was trying to make sense of the madness:
You are idolized in the beginning and then become a problem to be dealt with. To believe that you are really loved by someone so disordered is insane. There is a difference in being idolized and being loved. Love is something that continues through good times and bad, pretty and ugly, rich or poor, sickness and health. Love is hard and sometimes very painful but it sticks it out and does not try to hurt you on purpose or play games. Love is beautiful and special and often only comes to most of us very few times. Being idolized is a fickle. It does not withstand the weathers of time and is often forgotten when the new shiny object comes to take its place. It is easy for these people to let go of something that is idolized because the roots of attachment were not really that deep to begin with for them.

[lessonslearned]

Love is beautiful and special and often only comes to most of us very few times. Being idolized is a fickle. It does not withstand the weathers of time and is often forgotten when the new shiny object comes to take its place. It is easy for these people to let go of something that is idolized because the roots of attachment were not really that deep to begin with for them. [/i]

A - F'n - MEN! (thank you)

[tailspin]

chiha,

I totally admire you for realizing what was going on and for being able to make sense of the madness!  I'm just now realizing what the heck happened. 

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? This board is for members with failed or failing relationships that want to detach from their relationship and relationship wounds. If you are still analyzing the decision to stay, please post on Undecided: Staying or Leaving All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)