I feel like my "emotional" girlfriend is healthy, but would like some input

[Think About It...]

Hi all,

My new girlfriend seems to be emotional, but there are a lot of things I like about her. Just wondering if it is healthy. It feels a little different to me so it probably is. She seems to have good boundaries. If she is tired or feeling very emotional she likes to have time to herself. It's taken a little for me to get used to b/c quality time is my top love language, but I can be mature and rational, too. She works a lot of hours, and she's in school two nights a week. She makes an effort to text me to let me know she's thinking of me. And she lets me know she's needing time to herself and that it's not that she doesn't want to me. Seems like she's not quite comfortable showing me her emotional side just yet.

Her sister passed away a few weeks ago just before she was planning to travel to see her family. I know that she's really grieving the loss. We've only been hanging out since about March 1, so I can understand she may not be ready to show me the emotion she is feeling right now. I've talked to her and let her know I understand, and I'm here for her, and don't want her to feel pressured by me. If it happened that it didn't work out, I wouldn't feel angry about it (would be sad but I'd get over it) b/c I feel like we've been honest with each other and on the same page. I haven't seen her in over 3 weeks, but she was out of state for two weeks visiting her family, and she needed a weekend to herself. Then this last weekend I had car trouble and she had a very stressful, busy week so she didn't feel like she could pick me up (was almost falling asleep in her car at times).

Overall, I feel good about the r/s. She doesn't seem abusive or make me feel crazy. She's as normal as most normal people. I feel emotionally connected to her. The only downside seems to be that her family is a little chaotic. Her dad is on dialysis and just lost his job. They live in an RV basically. She really worries about them. I don't know that that's a really bad thing. It seems to be typical of the Blue (Color Code personality) type who values intimacy and relationships. I haven't spent enough time with her to know just how emotional she is and if it would be too much of a weight for me. So far so good. The Blue types tend to be a little sadder than most and I'm a Yellow so a bit sunnier usually. I dont' like to buy too much into the personality types, etc., but I've found this one to be a pretty decent model. Opposites can attract and be healthy if partners value each other's contributions...b/c really we're all on a spectrum in our personalities/qualities.

How healthy does this sound? I feel pretty good about it so far...basically just taking it one day at a time going without an agenda or objective. Just getting to know someone and building intimacy in a healthy way wherever it may lead...though of course I'd like to have a serious commitment someday.



 

[findingmyselfagain]

Hi all,

My new girlfriend seems to be emotional, but there are a lot of things I like about her. Just wondering if it is healthy. It feels a little different to me so it probably is. She seems to have good boundaries. If she is tired or feeling very emotional she likes to have time to herself. It's taken a little for me to get used to b/c quality time is my top love language, but I can be mature and rational, too. She works a lot of hours, and she's in school two nights a week. She makes an effort to text me to let me know she's thinking of me. And she lets me know she's needing time to herself and that it's not that she doesn't want to me. Seems like she's not quite comfortable showing me her emotional side just yet.

Her sister passed away a few weeks ago just before she was planning to travel to see her family. I know that she's really grieving the loss. We've only been hanging out since about March 1, so I can understand she may not be ready to show me the emotion she is feeling right now. I've talked to her and let her know I understand, and I'm here for her, and don't want her to feel pressured by me. If it happened that it didn't work out, I wouldn't feel angry about it (would be sad but I'd get over it) b/c I feel like we've been honest with each other and on the same page. I haven't seen her in over 3 weeks, but she was out of state for two weeks visiting her family, and she needed a weekend to herself. Then this last weekend I had car trouble and she had a very stressful, busy week so she didn't feel like she could pick me up (was almost falling asleep in her car at times).

Overall, I feel good about the r/s. She doesn't seem abusive or make me feel crazy. She's as normal as most normal people. I feel emotionally connected to her. The only downside seems to be that her family is a little chaotic. Her dad is on dialysis and just lost his job. They live in an RV basically. She really worries about them. I don't know that that's a really bad thing. It seems to be typical of the Blue (Color Code personality) type who values intimacy and relationships. I haven't spent enough time with her to know just how emotional she is and if it would be too much of a weight for me. So far so good. The Blue types tend to be a little sadder than most and I'm a Yellow so a bit sunnier usually. I dont' like to buy too much into the personality types, etc., but I've found this one to be a pretty decent model. Opposites can attract and be healthy if partners value each other's contributions...b/c really we're all on a spectrum in our personalities/qualities.

How healthy does this sound? I feel pretty good about it so far...basically just taking it one day at a time going without an agenda or objective. Just getting to know someone and building intimacy in a healthy way wherever it may lead...though of course I'd like to have a serious commitment someday.



 

[JDoe]

Hi, Finding!

I, too, am seeing someone who requires time for processing/reflection.  While MY m.o. is to talk it out until I feel better, and he is glad to listen, HE gets quiet and speaks of it hours or days later.

Sounds like a normal, healthy thing to do, but can be a tiny bit scary to a "non" who isn't used to a normal, healthy partner.

Taking it slow is always best.  Learning about someone takes time and patience.  Feel free to come here and ask any time you are unsure or need to know what is "normal." 

[ricky74]

My fiancee is someone who has some emotional issues from a 19 year relationship with her uxNPDh, so I have been very closely evaluating our relationship and here is how I know we have a healthy relationship.

We don't argue often, but when we do, we both fight fair. Not always at first, sometimes we take a bit of time to come around, but each of us has shown complete willingness to admit when we are wrong and to change our behavior. For both of us, once we realize that we are wrong, never feel that we have to change a behavior, but when we realize it, we want to.

That was HUGE for me. My uxBPDw never, ever, ever admitted she was wrong or had hurt me and never, ever ever changed her behavior when something she was doing was hurting me.

So I'm not hoping for conflict in your relationship, but it comes to all of them eventually, the important thing is how you resolve conflicts.

Good luck!