Do women with BPD like when you chase them beg for them?

[Think About It...]

For example my exBPDgf left me just completely left, did not talk to me in person but rather online and did not really make sense why. I off course wanted to know what happened since we have been together for 7 years, but I never got a sure answer everything was done via instant message. I kept trying to get her to speak to me in person, but she kept saying she does not feel safe, she afraid of getting hurt because I wont let her speak. I told her I promise I will listen, but she said she did not believe me.
For a whole month I've been trying to get her to speak to me in person, instead I get a call from her mother telling me to leave her alone and stop trying to manipulate her and making her feel bad. So I stopped its only been two days that I have not contacted her at all. I start to wonder if shes doing this because she knows I wont leave her, because she knows I am in pain and she can call me at any time.

Do women with BPD like when you chase them beg for them?

[jasonmedly]

For example my exBPDgf left me just completely left, did not talk to me in person but rather online and did not really make sense why. I off course wanted to know what happened since we have been together for 7 years, but I never got a sure answer everything was done via instant message. I kept trying to get her to speak to me in person, but she kept saying she does not feel safe, she afraid of getting hurt because I wont let her speak. I told her I promise I will listen, but she said she did not believe me.
For a whole month I've been trying to get her to speak to me in person, instead I get a call from her mother telling me to leave her alone and stop trying to manipulate her and making her feel bad. So I stopped its only been two days that I have not contacted her at all. I start to wonder if shes doing this because she knows I wont leave her, because she knows I am in pain and she can call me at any time.

Do women with BPD like when you chase them beg for them?

[nobody]

In the case of my BPDW, she likes  for me to chase her. But this is MY wife, not your gf. If you have recieved a call  from her mother, I would suggest you lay off a bit.  Women still like a man to be manly, and honestly, not wishing to  cause you hurt,  you  sound a bit desperate. It doesnt come across well. Relax. I know it is tough. You WILL get through it.

I am a noob here, so take my comments with a grain of salt.  PRACTICE using  S.E.T. since she said  you wont let her talk. We sometimes lose sight of the fact that while BPD's are mentally ill, they still  want to be listened to and respected

Good Luck!

n

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? This board is for analyzing and making the decision to either continue working on your relationship or to leave it. If you have already please advance to "L3 Leaving" or the "L4 Staying" board. All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)

[rickstone]

I will double what nobody says.  (nobody;  i like that, wish i had thought of it first).

although i'm a totally clueless guy when it comes to women, i think that women in general like you to chase them, but not to beg.
there's a big difference.

but BPD women?  who knows.  all bets are off.  of course they still have a lot of 'woman' in them i'm sure, but their
ilness gets in the way and who knows what they want.
mine liked the push/pull big time.  when i got close, she would push.  if i went away, she would pull.
push-pull, push-pull, push-pull, push-pull...push-pull.

it really is true.  its so predictible its hilarious.

so i would say chill out and if shes really BPD she will pull you back in (if that what you REALLY want?)

[OnceConfused]

don't sound too desperate my friend.

Remember this saying:

"If you love something let it go, if it never comes back it was never yours."

Perhaps she was never yours

[oscarkool]

I want to add to this simply because I feel this is an important topic.

I believe that you shouldn't ever chase. If she decides to leave when you didn't do anything wrong, then just let her go. This is her problem and if she wants you back, she'll come back.

BUT here's the kicker: don't take her back right away. You need to draw a line in the sand and let her know that what she did is not acceptable and if she tries that again, you'll never take her back.

Of course, you can take her back again but just make her work double hard and don't always be taking her back every time. So if she calls you to come over after leaving you for a week or two, simply say 'I'm busy tonight. Maybe another day...' and leave it at that, she might freak out but just don't respond and talk to her another day.

If she leaves, do NOT text her at all just let her go. Don't talk to her until she engages you.

[andywho]

Had this problem problem the last couple of weeks now and on friday my GF decided to leave me since she did not get something from me that she demanded.

She then told me she had to leave me. Told her that i respected her decision to leave and that i would not give after for threats. She got really confused by this and tried everything she could this weekend to make me cave in and beg her not to leave. I did not give into this and never begged her not to leave.

I know she wanted me to beg or do anything to make her not leave. She could not understand that i was willing to let her go.

Yesterday she decided to stay as she did not want to live without me.

I know she has an extreme need of confirmations on my love for her, she need to know im into her, she have a need of me needing her. When she dont get this she gets very insecure it seems and starts the push to see if she get any reaction from me.

What we do know is that BPD's have abandonment fear... and i now know that she has it.

Like onceconfused said:

don't sound too desperate my friend.

Remember this saying:

"If you love something let it go, if it never comes back it was never yours."

Perhaps she was never yours

Andy

[MCC503764]

For example my exBPDgf left me just completely left, did not talk to me in person but rather online and did not really make sense why. I off course wanted to know what happened since we have been together for 7 years, but I never got a sure answer everything was done via instant message. I kept trying to get her to speak to me in person, but she kept saying she does not feel safe, she afraid of getting hurt because I wont let her speak. I told her I promise I will listen, but she said she did not believe me.
For a whole month I've been trying to get her to speak to me in person, instead I get a call from her mother telling me to leave her alone and stop trying to manipulate her and making her feel bad. So I stopped its only been two days that I have not contacted her at all. I start to wonder if shes doing this because she knows I wont leave her, because she knows I am in pain and she can call me at any time.

Do women with BPD like when you chase them beg for them?

they want the chase.  Remember a major element to these r/s_

[losingconfidence]

Only on days where there's a full moon, you're wearing sneakers, your hair is a certain way, and she ate the right thing for breakfast. What a pwBPD wants seems to be whatever you're not doing in my experience. So if you're chasing her, she hates it. If you're not, she wants it.

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