My daydreams about leaving

[Think About It...]

I think sometimes (maybe even hope) she will have an affair and then I can exit the marriage with moral integrity. It is a tough road. I guess that is why we are here to help, encourage and support one another. I need to change me not her. So am being more honest with myself and others.

Joe 

[Joseph54]

I think sometimes (maybe even hope) she will have an affair and then I can exit the marriage with moral integrity. It is a tough road. I guess that is why we are here to help, encourage and support one another. I need to change me not her. So am being more honest with myself and others.

Joe 

[Salut]

My daydreams include buying a house with a yard for my dogs.  Not sure if I could do that but it is sort of my half-hatched escape plan.  I find I am afraid of my daydreams as I am of real life.  What if I went for it and was miserable?

But in the daydream I am not miserable so I look at house listings all the time and try to imagine if I could really be happy doing that.

I have also thought about H passing away.  I don't feel bad about it, because death is a reality and everyone must deal with it at some point.  But when things have been very bad and I have felt the most stuck I have caught myself thinking, "well that could happen", and feeling a sort of relieved.  The relief part is what shocked me.

The thing is, I don't thnk that is accurate.  I think, in reality, I would feel sad, miss him, and wish I had done more to communicate with him in a loving manner.  I have a feeling I would suddenly see this person as a person, not as half person, half boogie man.

I may be realizing that looking to outside forces to fix my life instead of depending on me is what keeps me stuck.  But I still don't know how to grab those reins, and make my life happen instead of waiting for it to happen.  Maybe a leap of faith is necessary...

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? This board is for analyzing and making the decision to either continue working on your relationship or to leave it. If you have already please advance to "L3 Leaving" or the "L4 Staying" board. All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)

[Surnia]

I was a while not here, I am very ambivalent about L2. I see I am not alone with daydreaming.

Today I stopped with dreaming. I was with my T, I realised how deep I am in co dependent patterns.
So for the first time I ask myself: What about a separation? I feel fear, in the same time also the strong wish to make a step toward a more healthier life... 

S.

[Jagged]

I day dream about leaving a lot. I have lots of kids, so generally it involves winning the lottery and buying myself a really big house, very far away.

[UnknownBPD]

Me too.  I used to work so hard responding to his every gripe.  I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way, I wasn't thinking, forgive me. I'm sorry.

Now, I'm finding it harder to be sorry.  It's everything I do that's wrong.

My dream is to be safe with my kids and have what we need without causing them too much pain.  I've stuck it this far because I wanted them to have a "whole" family but I'm now realizing this isn't whole anyway.  I'm just slowly coming to terms with this and trying to make sure it is what's best and, of course, possible.

Sometimes he threatens to fight my every move (he threatens to leave almost weekly these days) and other times he promises he'll never talk to me or the kids ever again and have a new family in the blink of any eye.  I guess that's his way of keeping me even more off balance.  I like the idea of not having to deal with the drama, but even though I think the kids would be better without his "mood swings" I hate for them not to have a father in their lives.

I think it's good to have a dream...and hopefully make it a reality when the time is right.

Good luck all.

[desperate dutchman]

I have similar daydreams. They go both ways she leaving me or me leaving  they are for me escape. It's my way of waving a magic wand and having this life change dramatically without me doing the hard choices   I used to dream (probably unhealthy ) about hitting the lottery and that would satisfying her   The fact is that even that would not be a magic cure.
For me I look at daydreams like these as the same as muscle clentching before she dysregulates a sign that I need to work on myself.

[kale]

I used to daydream all the time about us being happy together, fulfilled together.  Anymore, even in a daydream I can't seem to conjure up what that would look like.  Then sometimes I'd daydream about him finding another woman.  And it never even made me sad.  I was happy, and relieved, because he was finally able to find someone who could make him happy, where I had failed so miserably.  He could have his key to life, and I'd be free to go find/create mine.  But that one has faded too.  At least he's not a hypocrite.  He disapproves of me talking to other males, but he makes sure he keeps his distance from other females as well.  So, hard to conjure a daydream of a magic fairy wandering into his life who is the key to his happiness just like in the tales, when he never really talks to them.  I know, these are daydreams, but somehow I was never really able to conjure stories in my head without some kernel of reality in which to base them.  Even if it's a very tiny kernel.  The only daydreams I've been able to come up with lately are of me reaching nirvana in a sense (from what ludicrously little I actually know of it).  Just, ceasing to be a discrete entity, and being absorbed into the conglomeration of positive energy that fills the universe.

[Triptoes]

I haven't posted on this board before, eventhough I've been lurking. Normally I only post on the Staying board as well. But this one caught my attention.

I have dreamed about leaving. I used to dream about him leaving, me leaving, being with someone else, someone healthier. I don't anymore. Why? Because I learned that I have a whole bundle of problems myself! Co-dependency, fears of emotional intimacy, not being self-aware and taking ownership of my own feelings, always had difficulty setting boundaries _

[ChristianMan]

I learned that I have a whole bundle of problems myself! Co-dependency, fears of emotional intimacy, not being self-aware and taking ownership of my own feelings, always had difficulty setting boundaries _