Applying lifes lessons

[Think About It...]

A short while back I met a person that set some early flags going off in my mind.  No worries (we all have our issues right, and the general interaction was fine - useful even).

Then a couple things were said where there was an extreme interpretation/reaction.  (ok, real flags now)

I started being a little more careful and deliberate with communication (SET, Validation, etc) - they worked.

And I started setting groundwork to end the correspondence - which just triggered push/pull cycles.

So I wrapped up the interactions and went no contact and never looked back.

My point being:  without the skills and knowledge learned through the experience with my relationship, this site, and other research - I would have never recognized what was happening and could have let it go on longer (or worse yet sucked into drama).  These tools work with everyone.

My friend Rex used to say:  "Life is a series of lessons.  If you dont learn one the first time, dont worry, you will get that lesson again."

Id like to think I am learning, a little at least (or I could be self delusional    )

[yeeter]

A short while back I met a person that set some early flags going off in my mind.  No worries (we all have our issues right, and the general interaction was fine - useful even).

Then a couple things were said where there was an extreme interpretation/reaction.  (ok, real flags now)

I started being a little more careful and deliberate with communication (SET, Validation, etc) - they worked.

And I started setting groundwork to end the correspondence - which just triggered push/pull cycles.

So I wrapped up the interactions and went no contact and never looked back.

My point being:  without the skills and knowledge learned through the experience with my relationship, this site, and other research - I would have never recognized what was happening and could have let it go on longer (or worse yet sucked into drama).  These tools work with everyone.

My friend Rex used to say:  "Life is a series of lessons.  If you dont learn one the first time, dont worry, you will get that lesson again."

Id like to think I am learning, a little at least (or I could be self delusional    )

[Wanda]

 i had alot of red flags before i got married, but i didn't look at them.
  i can say my husband who has BPD has taught me alot of lifes lessons, before marriage and after, i became stronger and learned alot about not letting others step all over me, not letting others verbally abuse me.  I learned there are such things as boundaries and i can actually say what is on my mind, and be happy with me. he showed me i can do things i didn't know i could  before.   so for that i can thank him.. i learned alot of lifes lessons and he doesn't even know he taught them to me..

[briefcase]

You have come a long, long way my friend! 

I use the tools all the time (sometimes better than others  ;p ).  It's pretty cool when you recognize someone getting dyregulated and it doesn't get to you and you know what to do! 

[Dynamic]

You have come a long, long way my friend! 

I use the tools all the time (sometimes better than others  ;p ).  It's pretty cool when you recognize someone getting dyregulated and it doesn't get to you and you know what to do! 

BC,
I know the feeling. I felt so much better about myself when I took a time out for the 1st time after knowing about BPD 2 months back. Felt so light & liberated & amazed at the power I got with my attitude.

[Dynamic]

i had alot of red flags before i got married, but i didn't look at them.
  i can say my husband who has BPD has taught me alot of lifes lessons, before marriage and after, i became stronger and learned alot about not letting others step all over me, not letting others verbally abuse me.  I learned there are such things as boundaries and i can actually say what is on my mind, and be happy with me. he showed me i can do things i didn't know i could  before.   so for that i can thank him.. i learned alot of lifes lessons and he doesn't even know he taught them to me..

Wanda,
I too learned to become stronger as years went by during our marriage & things started to get worse. I have confessed to my h & Ts that I can handle ANYTHING in this world except h. That was before I knew about BPD.

Now I am learning to handle h while at the same time taking care of myself by not letting resentment grow, not taking part in circular arguments, taking time outs when h dysregulates & proceed with routine life without feeling depressed or hopeless. 

[yeeter]

You have come a long, long way my friend! 

I use the tools all the time (sometimes better than others  ;p ).  It's pretty cool when you recognize someone getting dyregulated and it doesn't get to you and you know what to do! 

Thanks BC

Progress. And much more work to do.

A friend once said when told her I was going to stay in the relationship ( after she got a glimpse of some of the really crazy stuff), she said;  god bless you.  I hope you come through it a stronger and better person

And this is exactly what I intend to do. 

[Dynamic]

yeeter,
I see that you are slightly ahead in this journey to self development & changed outlook towards your SO, others & life in general. I hope to get there soon. Like you said, nons can use the tools (meant for pwBPD) with others also to make us feel good & more balanced.

Posts like yours gives hope to me & other nons who are still trying to get the 'hang' of it before they can really come to terms & do something constructive about the situation.

All the best, yeeter.  

[yeeter]

All the best, yeeter.  

Right back atcha my friend.   

[pallavirajsinghani]

Hello Yeeter:

You really have pointed out something very important:  that the "Lessons" learnt here are useful beyond handling the BPD issues too.  I learnt how to communicate with my children better (understood  how to handle their emotions, how to help them manage their emotions),  I learnt how to let go of people who had a negative effect on me without thinking of them as negative people.  There are many many many areas big and small where I am overall a more functional and actually a more moral person by being here.  It has taught me and continues to teach me life lessons that I apply outside of this site successfully.

Oh:  and please allow a pat on the back for each one of you...my father used to say,  :There are NO bad teachers, only bad students.  For some teachers teach you what to do, and from some you learn what NOT to do."

Be proud that all of you are the BEST students!

[waverider]

I find this too, it underlines that we need to better ourselves to start to get a handle on this. The proof in that betterment shows up in our dealings with others. We learn not to judge others on what they say alone, we can read signs, emotions and actions better. Its almost as though we have found a code book and can read secret signs no one else sees. ( At least there's one positive that comes out of all this)

The shocking thing is how many people are there out there that flag you as having potential personality disorders? Even worse you notice how you may have attracted them in the past.