truthwillsetyoufree
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« on: July 09, 2012, 12:56:26 PM » |
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My dBPDh is aware of his diagnosis. He is angry about it.
I realized during a recent conversation that he really has no idea what BPD is. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to help him understand that the misery he has always felt is actually BPD?
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numenal
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life is meant to be truly lived
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« Reply #1 on: July 09, 2012, 01:16:27 PM » |
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Hi,
Maybe you could show him the parts of the book Stop Walking Eggshells that explain bpd clearly (but not the parts that delve into how badly the behavior comes off to a non, or at least not those parts at first). You could photocopy all the relevant pages and sit down with him to gently introduce them to him?
Or if he is not a reader, you could do the reading and then describe what you read to him.
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"Get yourself free"
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CaptainM
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« Reply #2 on: July 09, 2012, 05:55:57 PM » |
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Since he was diagnosed, I assume he's working with a therapist?
If so I'd leave it to the therapist to deal with this. It's a very tender issue and in all likelihood isn't going to be taken in the way you intend it.
I tried to have these compassionate talks with my ex thinking I was doing a great job of being understanding and showing her how I could try to relate - all she heard was me blaming her for our problems, telling her she was defective and reinforcing that she was a label. It always ended up coming back to bite me and never once helped the situation.
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GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT
This board is intended for general questions about BPD and other personality disorders, trait definitions, and related therapies and diagnostics. Topics should be formatted as a question.
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truthwillsetyoufree
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« Reply #3 on: July 10, 2012, 09:57:38 AM » |
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No, he is not working with a T or anyone. He refuses. Just getting worse by the day. His reaction is kind of like what you described, captain M. I need to help him understand what it really is.
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numenal
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« Reply #4 on: July 10, 2012, 02:55:04 PM » |
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Truth,
Ah, I didn't see at first that you are the truth from the thread about getting your husband to do a program. Since he is angry about his condition, and doesn't want to see a therapist or work on his own healing, you aren't going to get him to understand it.
I tried the same thing while I was in a relationship with a bp/np man. I believed that since I had gotten him to agree to doing exercises in a DBT workbook I bought, that we would just start navigating the waters of healing together and go from there. I didn't see the situation for how damaged and dysfunctional it really was. It was like rowing a boat that had a huge gaping hole in it, expecting to reach shore at some point. (He never completed one exercise, never intended to do them in the first place though he said he would.)
One thing that makes some disorder sufferers embark on the healing path is being told their SO will leave otherwise. I believe you were saying in your other post he has suggested you leave for over a year now. That doesn't mean he thinks you really will. If you mean it, he might--no guarantee--be prompted to seek help for the disorder.
If he is experiencing a lot of emotional turmoil over his diagnosis, he may not be ready to face the disorder no matter what you do or say. But I recall you mentioning your nervous system is suffering right now and you are worried about your health.
How you are doing is at least as important as how he is doing. Nervous systems can only take so much. Your own healing needs to be up there on the front lines with your husband's.
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"Get yourself free"
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Ring of fire
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« Reply #5 on: July 10, 2012, 06:06:09 PM » |
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Just curious as to which video you think is appropriate,brief and yet accurate to show a person who does not know anything about BPD? roughly 5-6 minutes long
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"A friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of ones heart.Chaff and grain,together.Knowing that the gentleness of hands will take and sift and keep what is worth keeping and blow the rest away"....
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Forgetmenot
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« Reply #6 on: July 16, 2012, 06:10:08 AM » |
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Forgetmenot
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