Oh my. It sounds like we were with the exact same man!
Btw, my ex has been in therapy for 7 years now and was in therapy the whole 5 years I was with him, and it helped in some areas, but it never stopped this gamey stuff concerning women. In fact he now sees two different female therapists, so even in therapy his inability to committ comes through loud and clear!
MaybeSo, I have read your posts and taken your advice on many occasions as I've thought we have dealt with a similar beast
The fact that your ex has been in therapy for all those years but the stuff concerning women still remains is eye-opening. I know infidelity isn't always a factor with BPD but I can't help thinking that the type of interactions they NEED with women is?
interesting thread! My ex bf (uBPD/npd) cheated on me for the last 6 months of our r/s and I KNEW something was going on, and badgered him constantly about it, but he never gave anything away. Still it was obvious. He was always away on work trips, would never answer his phone, always skyping/talking on the phone secretively, and yes, finally I couldn't take the not-knowing anymore. I practically begged him to tell me one way or another, and in the end he would just get angry at me. Finally I snooped around, looking on his phone, and trying to read his emails (didn't hack in though, just snooping). It was pretty horrible. Funnily enough, at some point during this time, he accused ME of seeing someone - he found a receipt for a restaurant I have never been too, and accused me of having dinner there with someone.
Trevy, the 'phone' behaviour is always a give away. . .I've heard it over and over again with r/s problems
I also had the accusations of me seeing someone. . .also a classic. Even though I told him it was the oldest manipulation trick in the world, he threw it at me a few times. Sorry, but I wouldn't be surprised if that restaurant was where HE had taken someone.
just curious, did any of you take steps to uncover the cheating? like hire a PI or put a GPS thing on the phone? did you check cell phone bills or the PC?
Gina, I didn't really take any steps to properly uncover the cheating. . .I was told by someone else - and there was something written on Facebook to the woman in question that was dodgy. This went along with changes in his behaviour so I did suspect.
I did look at his phone one night - there were town male names with WORK in brackets. . .names he's never mentioned before. I opened one up and it was another dodgy message. It drove me crazy. . .but I knew from his responses (I caught him out a few times) that he was lying over and over again.
Funny thing is his first response was to admit to me at the start of our r/s he was serially cheating for years but denied what I was currently asking him. I was told I had a cheek accusing him (although I never accused him, I just wanted to discuss what I'd been told) and basically unless I had caught him with his privates in another woman I had no right