Advice Please

[Think About It...]

Hey everyone!

Wow!  I was able to post on a new board
I left my uBPDexbf over a year and a half ago.  He kept at me for months - up until December 2011.  I successfully sued him for the money he took from me.  But I need some advice.
I have a deep sense of holding him accountable for what he did.  He's currently on a car loan with me and late on payments, and he had signed two contracts on me not to default - and my attorney said I could take him to court for damages and any monies I paid if he defaults.  Then the girl he triangulated with, and she knew about me, sent me a letter last week apologizing and told me everything he said about me (she's still with him).  She isnt the first friend to approach me about how he painted me black while he was living with me and professing his love.  My attorney said I could have a cease and desist letter sent, and if he doesn't stop I could take him to court for slander (I have a standing in the community and this guy is telling people I was mentally unstable, etc.).
I want to send him a certified letter telling him to stop, telling him if he defaults I go after him, that people are approaching me about his lies...but then I think how long is this going to go on?  He's gotten away with this for some long tho and I feel some responsibility to hold him accountable.  I still have to file contempt on him for the money he owed me because he never filled out the court docs to find out where he works.  Such a mess.
Thoughts?  Needing some clear minds.  However, I dont feel comfortable just letting him walk all over me. 

[Beluki]

Hey everyone!

Wow!  I was able to post on a new board
I left my uBPDexbf over a year and a half ago.  He kept at me for months - up until December 2011.  I successfully sued him for the money he took from me.  But I need some advice.
I have a deep sense of holding him accountable for what he did.  He's currently on a car loan with me and late on payments, and he had signed two contracts on me not to default - and my attorney said I could take him to court for damages and any monies I paid if he defaults.  Then the girl he triangulated with, and she knew about me, sent me a letter last week apologizing and told me everything he said about me (she's still with him).  She isnt the first friend to approach me about how he painted me black while he was living with me and professing his love.  My attorney said I could have a cease and desist letter sent, and if he doesn't stop I could take him to court for slander (I have a standing in the community and this guy is telling people I was mentally unstable, etc.).
I want to send him a certified letter telling him to stop, telling him if he defaults I go after him, that people are approaching me about his lies...but then I think how long is this going to go on?  He's gotten away with this for some long tho and I feel some responsibility to hold him accountable.  I still have to file contempt on him for the money he owed me because he never filled out the court docs to find out where he works.  Such a mess.
Thoughts?  Needing some clear minds.  However, I dont feel comfortable just letting him walk all over me. 

[diotima]

What will happen if you hold him accountable? What will be involved? Can you get what you want as far as what you are owed by going through legal channels and avoiding direct contact with him?

None of us feel comfortable about letting them walk all over us. The question is what you can do to get restoration of what belongs to you without turning the knife. What good will it do?

Diotima

[forgottenarm]

Hi Beluki,

I haven't heard anything specific about what my ex has said about me, but I assume it's pretty much like what you described.  My attitude is that people will consider the source before they conclude anything.  My ex has done enough unstable stuff for people to question his version of the story.  People who matter also know me well enough to question anything outrageous he might say.  I really doubt anyone is taking him seriously.

The other thing is that your ex will stop eventually and turn his attention elsewhere.  The end of your r/s may be hot gossip right now, but in a year from now, no one's even gonna remember what he said.

If you feel like the damage merits legal action, by all means, go for it!  You might have a good case.  But don't assume the worst, at least on the part of the people he's talking to.  It may be less stressful in the long run to let him say what he wants and keep moving.