for Nons-Illness and support

[Think About It...]

Re: Nons Illness and health conditions:

I am facing a potentially life threatening situation-that was a problem 3 years ago before I even met my uBPDh...

Lets just say for the sake of TMI that it's a potential *female* cancer that I have to get tested/biopsied for every so often. I have gone over two years without a check-up and biopsy-which is probably OK (supposed to be a year now, used to be every six months)
I am in generally good health. well, except for this!
Right now I KNOW I have a problem-not sure how serious it is yet. I've had it before. been treated and hoped I was done. Apparently not.
they always suggest surgery-not my first choice.(unless I absolutely MUST)

If I have to have major surgery and radiation or chemo...I fear my H's reaction!
Right now he's very solicitous of my welfare...he is both worried and supportive.
(my ExH sat in the car when I had my last biopsies and I had to come hobbling out to the car by myself-that was awful! it's painful)

I know my H will be available for me should I need further treatment-which is a godsend. he can be a good *nurse* and he's a good cook, and will do the house chores if I am recovering from a surgery. he will rent movies and keep me company.

But is he going to make it ALL about HIM? LOL

Anyone have serious health issues-how did your pwBPD cope?
what happened vs what you expected?
scared...
GL

[gina louise]

Re: Nons Illness and health conditions:

I am facing a potentially life threatening situation-that was a problem 3 years ago before I even met my uBPDh...

Lets just say for the sake of TMI that it's a potential *female* cancer that I have to get tested/biopsied for every so often. I have gone over two years without a check-up and biopsy-which is probably OK (supposed to be a year now, used to be every six months)
I am in generally good health. well, except for this!
Right now I KNOW I have a problem-not sure how serious it is yet. I've had it before. been treated and hoped I was done. Apparently not.
they always suggest surgery-not my first choice.(unless I absolutely MUST)

If I have to have major surgery and radiation or chemo...I fear my H's reaction!
Right now he's very solicitous of my welfare...he is both worried and supportive.
(my ExH sat in the car when I had my last biopsies and I had to come hobbling out to the car by myself-that was awful! it's painful)

I know my H will be available for me should I need further treatment-which is a godsend. he can be a good *nurse* and he's a good cook, and will do the house chores if I am recovering from a surgery. he will rent movies and keep me company.

But is he going to make it ALL about HIM? LOL

Anyone have serious health issues-how did your pwBPD cope?
what happened vs what you expected?
scared...
GL

[Surnia]

So sorry that you have to live in the insecurity of a cancer. 

You sound a bit like you would depend much on him about your possible next steps instead of yourself or different docs.

Are there any persons there for help when your h would be unable to cope with a possible recovery?
What you are describing about him and nurse is better than what I know from my h, but yes, be a nurse could be difficult for unstable people. Should he work it is easier, than it is obvious you need a second person...

I wish you all the best
S.

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? This board is for analyzing and making the decision to either continue working on your relationship or to leave it. If you have already please advance to "L3 Leaving" or the "L4 Staying" board. All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)

[gina louise]

thanks surnia,
I have a great MD that I trust...and good medical advice. family member is a nurse-but we live in different cities hours apart. I know what I would have to do.
it's nothing new-it's just that I thought I was done with this a few years ago...the biopsies and scan results take time, and it's hard to wait.

I have never yet been sick around my H , other than a cold, so I worry that his reaction may not be helpful and nurturing.
right now in the testing stages he's OK, and things are calm...but I wonder about HIM flipping out if my health is less than perfect, or he'll claim that I am ruining HIS life by being seriously ill.
I mean, I could see him turn this around to be HIS problem, and not mine!

we all know *things* happen when life for our pwBPD is less than perfect!
GL

[Clearmind]

gina, I am sorry to hear about your concerns.

Firstly, you stated you are to get a check up every year and you have left it 2 years! Why is that?

Secondly, your health comes first, your H's reaction comes second - do you have a support network in the event your H is not helpful?

I am more concerned about why you are not putting your health first - your H's reaction is unpredictable, as is the nature of BPD, cancer is not.