My Replacement will be my new neighbor?

[Think About It...]

Slight freak out here. I have worked very hard in the last 7 months since my divorce to arrange financing and purchase an affordable house for me and S7. It was a short sale purchase and everything has now been approved and closing will happen in the next few weeks.

I emailed my uBPDexh to let him know of the address change (have to for custody agreement). His response was that my replacement will also be moving into that same neighborhood in the next month? It is a small, townhouse community, with one short road going in/out.

The move is a HUGE moving on step for me. My friend thinks ex is messing with me. I don't know. I'm freaking.

[Free One]

Slight freak out here. I have worked very hard in the last 7 months since my divorce to arrange financing and purchase an affordable house for me and S7. It was a short sale purchase and everything has now been approved and closing will happen in the next few weeks.

I emailed my uBPDexh to let him know of the address change (have to for custody agreement). His response was that my replacement will also be moving into that same neighborhood in the next month? It is a small, townhouse community, with one short road going in/out.

The move is a HUGE moving on step for me. My friend thinks ex is messing with me. I don't know. I'm freaking.

[forgottenarm]

ohhhhh . . . I hope it doesn't turn out like that, but I'd take a wait-and-see attitude.  Your friend might be right.  Your ex could be making the whole thing up or it could be based on something your replacement has talked about but may or may not actually do.  The other thing is that even if the worst happens and she moves there, the way these r/s go, they may not even be together by then.  In any case, don't let this dampen your excitement about the move.  Just keep going as if you never heard this because it's unlikely the worst case scenario will actually happen.

[Free One]

Thanks forgotten. I think I just need validation of my feelings of being scared and hurt. My friends and family don't seem to understand what I'm feeling because they haven't had spouses cheat on them and they haven't been stalked. The way my mind works, I have to consider the possibilities and work through the feelings. There are 2 scenarios:

1. He's making it up. This comes on the heels of some recent stalking behavior and I am actually scared of him physically hurting me, but have no proof or anything to get a restraining order. Having a "friend" in the neighborhood (it's only about a 4-5 acre complex) gives him reason to be near me. If he just playing mind games, I just want people to understand how scary and disturbing it is to have to associate with someone who does that kind of thing.

2. She is moving into the neighborhood (and the r/s is definitely on again off again with them) and I have to see her or see them together. She knew about me during the marriage, came to parties I hosted at our house, came to my work, hung out at my house with my ex and my son while I was working and very much had the attitude of "I want your lifestyle and I am going to take it from you." It would hurt like hell to have to have this so close to me.

My new house is supposed to be my safe place where I can heal and build my life. I have been living with family and was finally feeling safe and secure. There is a certain amount of anxiety for me living on my own as it is (when I lived on my own during the divorce, my ex repeatedly broke into the house, stole my underwear and went through my things), and this just makes me scared all over again. I would love to get to a point where his attempts at messing with me don't phase me, but I'm not there yet.

[forgottenarm]

Yes, I totally understand what you're saying.  Your home should be a safe place---a haven from all that turmoil.  I really hope none of this comes to pass.     

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? This board is for members with failed or failing relationships that want to detach from their relationship and relationship wounds. If you are still analyzing the decision to stay, please post on Undecided: Staying or Leaving All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)

[tired-of-it-all]

I am new to this site.  Been living in the hell for 30 yrs.  After numerous therapists, just found one that says she has BPD.  After reading about the symptoms, it is exactly her problem.  I started alanon 8 years ago to try to deal with the hell of the relationship.  I based my participation in the program on the alcoholics in her family and it's affect on her.  It has been a great help and has taught me some very healthy coping mechanisms.

Now to the point:  The only way to deal with people like this is to ignore them.  If you are out, minimize your contact with him and don't pay any attention to what he says.  His is a liar and he just wants to stir you and take your serenity.  Fill you mind with other things and healthy people.  If he starts dating someone next door, ignore him.  If he comes over (except for court approved times) call the cops. 

Stay calm, set solid boundaries that are healthy for you, don't let him spin you up, stay away from people that are poison to you, enjoy your life.  It is the only way to deal with these folks.

[Free One]

Thanks for the supportive words. It's getting easier...