sleeping together-or not?

[Think About It...]

My UBPD/npd H has always had issues about sleeping in the same bed (he claims he cannot)...a little of which I had posted about on these boards. At one point we went and selected a really nice king sized mattress set with the joint intention of sleeping together-He cancelled the order before delivery. i was disappointed and felt controlled- like this is just one more area that HE controls.

Last night he was telling me you can stay here, you can sleep here with me! (queen sized bed...kinda smallish to me) I considered the idea. I really did, but he had no valid reason for suddenly throwing it out there as a *carrot* for me!
I finally said no thanks-as I felt I was being tested.
If I tried and it didn't work out (too hot, no room we snore...whatever) then HE could say I TRIED, I OFFERED. YOU BAILED. IT"S DONE.
My sense was that he was tossing it out as a one shot deal...take it or leave it.
It seemed very impulsive. We had not discussed this recently at all. He claimed that he just wanted to make me happy.    ?   

My reason for getting a king sized mattress set was that we should give ourselves every chance to MAKE it work out. (the most room for both of us and a mattress set that won't wobble if the other person shifts or gets up in the night.)

I know he feels he was being ultra generous. But I felt like I was being set up for a failure.
confused, still
GL

[gina louise]

My UBPD/npd H has always had issues about sleeping in the same bed (he claims he cannot)...a little of which I had posted about on these boards. At one point we went and selected a really nice king sized mattress set with the joint intention of sleeping together-He cancelled the order before delivery. i was disappointed and felt controlled- like this is just one more area that HE controls.

Last night he was telling me you can stay here, you can sleep here with me! (queen sized bed...kinda smallish to me) I considered the idea. I really did, but he had no valid reason for suddenly throwing it out there as a *carrot* for me!
I finally said no thanks-as I felt I was being tested.
If I tried and it didn't work out (too hot, no room we snore...whatever) then HE could say I TRIED, I OFFERED. YOU BAILED. IT"S DONE.
My sense was that he was tossing it out as a one shot deal...take it or leave it.
It seemed very impulsive. We had not discussed this recently at all. He claimed that he just wanted to make me happy.    ?   

My reason for getting a king sized mattress set was that we should give ourselves every chance to MAKE it work out. (the most room for both of us and a mattress set that won't wobble if the other person shifts or gets up in the night.)

I know he feels he was being ultra generous. But I felt like I was being set up for a failure.
confused, still
GL

[chelle]

My uBPDh had the same issues but not just about the same bed _

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? This board is for analyzing and making the decision to either continue working on your relationship or to leave it. If you have already please advance to "L3 Leaving" or the "L4 Staying" board. All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)