9 months, New record

[Think About It...]

Well I haven't been on here as much as things were going good.  Things have been pretty quiet since she decided to quit therapy back in November of last year.  I kept up validation and spotted signs of dysregulation but these were minor outbursts.  Nothing that we couldn't talk through.

We had this planned camping trip this year and made the mistake of putting our eggs in one basket held by my BPD.  Her family has a pop-up camper that we were bringing so that we could have somewhere to sleep.  Well I wouldn't mind sleeping on the ground but the other women want nothing to do with that.  Anyways it's a week before the trip and she is backing out.  I saw signs the last time we hung out and regardless of my efforts didn't manage to pull her out of the funk.  No biggie, I let it go and decided to give her space.  2 weeks go by and I'm asking her about the pop-up as I'm the one towing, and bam! she decides she's not going.  Now everyone is bewildered and angry.  I'm kicking myself right now for making any back-up plans.  Just a cautionary tale to be vigilant in having a back-up plan when things don't go the way you have them planned in your head.     

Anyway these are my options and I figured I would just run them through you guys to get an opinion.  1) Go anyway and sleep on the ground.  2) Try to talk her into letting us borrow the camper 3) There is an 80s bash that weekend, try to talk the group into doing that instead. 4) Try to talk with her and see what's really going on.  I realize she may be far gone for reasoning at this point but I have a hunch what it may be.     

[Inspirationneeded]

Well I haven't been on here as much as things were going good.  Things have been pretty quiet since she decided to quit therapy back in November of last year.  I kept up validation and spotted signs of dysregulation but these were minor outbursts.  Nothing that we couldn't talk through.

We had this planned camping trip this year and made the mistake of putting our eggs in one basket held by my BPD.  Her family has a pop-up camper that we were bringing so that we could have somewhere to sleep.  Well I wouldn't mind sleeping on the ground but the other women want nothing to do with that.  Anyways it's a week before the trip and she is backing out.  I saw signs the last time we hung out and regardless of my efforts didn't manage to pull her out of the funk.  No biggie, I let it go and decided to give her space.  2 weeks go by and I'm asking her about the pop-up as I'm the one towing, and bam! she decides she's not going.  Now everyone is bewildered and angry.  I'm kicking myself right now for making any back-up plans.  Just a cautionary tale to be vigilant in having a back-up plan when things don't go the way you have them planned in your head.     

Anyway these are my options and I figured I would just run them through you guys to get an opinion.  1) Go anyway and sleep on the ground.  2) Try to talk her into letting us borrow the camper 3) There is an 80s bash that weekend, try to talk the group into doing that instead. 4) Try to talk with her and see what's really going on.  I realize she may be far gone for reasoning at this point but I have a hunch what it may be.     

[yeeter]

Its great to hear things have been going well Inspiration!

Whats the hunch?

[Inspirationneeded]

Its great to hear things have been going well Inspiration!

Whats the hunch?

Haha facebook.  I wonder how many times that is the subject of relationship triggers?  Pictures of my recent vacation to San Diego visiting old friends.  Keep in mind that my BPD and I are not romantically involved.  It seems it doesn't matter that there is a ratio of five guys to two girls in almost everyone of them.  The fact that there is a woman in the picture with me can flip her mood.  She has gotten a LOT better about this though.  Actually as I am writing this she asked me out to lunch tomorrow.  So maybe this will all be mute come tomorrow afternoon.     

Still, a back-up plan is needed.  I think I'm swaying towards the 80s extravaganza.     

[united for now]

Why not be honesty with the others and solicit feed back from them?

[Inspirationneeded]

Everyone knows now that she isn't going.  However, I did wait a few days before telling them and posting.  I figured that she should tell them herself, and part of me wanting to give her a chance to take it back as I believe she was lashing out.

I remember reading that you're really not supposed to do that.  Protect them from the consequences of their actions but I didn't see the harm in it as there is still plenty of time to make alternate plans.     

 

[Validation78]

Hi Inspiration!
   I would discuss it with the rest of the group and decide together what you will do.
   In any event, I would go with or without her. I've done a similar thing with my uBPDh myself, and he knows, he cannot stand in the way of my plans without a darn good reason, and I now let him pick up the pieces of his own actions!
   Have fun, whatever you do!

Best Wishes,
Val78