May 23, 2013, 01:19:58 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Today's Feature: 20 workshops that can make a difference  Check it out
Moderators: briefcase, Clearmind, GreenMango, lbjnltx, PDQuick, Want2Know   Software Coordinator: an0ught
Advisors: Blazing Star, DreamGirl, GeekyGirl, ScarletOlive, Surnia, Suzn, tuum est61, United for Now, Validation78, vivekananda, Waverider
Ambassadors: Being Mindful, Catnap, ennie, heartandwhole, just me., laelle, mamachelle, GreyKitty, sunrising, waddams
Guidelines: Terms of Service, Abbreviations
  Home Blog   Boards   Help Login Register  
What is this?
Think About It.... Most high-conflict families have one or both parents who exhibit either narcissistic, obsessive-compulsive, histrionic, paranoid, or borderline traits. They may have parents who become rigid in their perception of the other and tend to deal with things in their extremes. The parents are polarized, viewing themselves as all good and the other as all bad. These parents focus on the traits within the other parent that reinforce this perception, and they approach each new conflict as verification of just how difficult the other parent is. These parents experience chronic externalization of blame, possessing little insight into their own role in the conflicts. They usually have little empathy for the impact of this conflict on their children. They routinely feel self-justified, believing that their actions are best for their children.. ~ Philip M. Stahl, Ph.D.
163
Pages: [1]   Go Down
« previous next »
  Print  
Author Topic: Now we know  (Read 265 times)
sanemom
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 505
« on: August 09, 2012, 10:16:17 PM »
I posted earlier that BPD mom was cornered, and we weren't sure what to expect.

Apparently, what to expect is that she is taking DSD to her boyfriend's ranch in hopes of convincing her to move there with BPD mom.  Then she makes sure DSD can't come to a family birthday party because of being at the ranch.  Then tonight we are supposed to have DSD for dinner, and she still can't come because she is at the ranch.

I hope she doesn't keep her there this weekend---it is dh's weekend with DSD.

And I hope that whatever lies she is telling DSD that DSD is starting to see through them.  :-(

Her only weapon against dh is DSD and turning DSD against him.
Logged
DreamGirl
BOARD ADVISOR
***
Offline Offline

Posts: 4053


What would Yoda do?
« Reply #1 on: August 09, 2012, 11:51:42 PM »
I'm sorry.  x

How far is this ranch? Can you not pick her up?
Logged
Take what you can from your dreams,
Make them as real as anything...
~Dave Matthews - Grey Street
sanemom
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 505
« Reply #2 on: August 10, 2012, 02:36:01 AM »
Quote from: DreamGirl on August 09, 2012, 11:51:42 PM
I'm sorry.  x

How far is this ranch? Can you not pick her up?

It's an hour away, and we don't know exactly where it is. 

I am seriously thinking about having a "come to Jesus" talk with DSD and just flat out ask her if this is what she wants her life to be like--to move away from her school friends, etc. and let her know we cannot do anything about it unless she says so.  And then let her know she loses the right to complain about the consequences if she chooses this path because this is HER choice.

Her BPD mom may have convinced her of horrid things about DH by now, but I would hope that by 15 she could start realizing that they may not be true.
Logged
GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?

The focus of this board is about understanding the child, their needs, and supporting them in an intelligent and non self-sacrificing way.

If your topic is mostly about the other parent and you are divorced, please go to Rebuilding our Life. If your topic is mostly about legal/custody issues, please go to Family law, Divorce, and Custody. If your topic is mostly about the other parent and you are still married, please go to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner. If you need help moving a thread, please contact a moderator. We are glad to help. :)
DreamGirl
BOARD ADVISOR
***
Offline Offline

Posts: 4053


What would Yoda do?
« Reply #3 on: August 10, 2012, 09:01:59 AM »
She's 15 and you're right, she's involved in the choices to be alienated from her Dad.

I'd push for the visitation even if you have to pick her up yourself.

The hubs wasn't 'allowed' at one point to know where Mom lived when she moved into a trailer with her boyfriend. (I think she was embarassed of the conditions) So we met her at a gas station.

Don't get in the habit of foregoing visitation like that's something that is OK. It creates routine and precedent.   
Logged
Take what you can from your dreams,
Make them as real as anything...
~Dave Matthews - Grey Street
Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
BPDFamily.com > Dealing with Relationship Partners (heterosexual, gay, lesbian) with BPD  > [L5] Parenting after the Split > Topic: Now we know
 « previous next »
 
Jump to:  

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.10 | SMF © 2006-2010, Simple Machines LLC Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!