Sounds depressing

[Think About It...]

I was reading on parental alienation research as well as looking at the parent board, and it is sad how many kids actually never get it.  The average age to understand that they have been alienated is not until they are in their 20s.

I know some of these kids are getting it way earlier than that.

I just keep wondering at what point will DSD's moral compass go off that her BPD mom tricking her dad into marrying her, lying about DSD's paternity, etc. was NOT a nice thing to do?  It seems like she has DH as the bad guy in that scenario (I could be wrong, but she definitely does not have empathy for him in this situation).  Her younger brothers get that it is wrong, and seem to understand how they were tricked a couple of years ago by BPDmom, but I now am wondering if DSD is going to be one of those who is 50 and still doesn't get it.

I guess we can't control that, but it would be nice to be able to hope for some healing in the relationship between DSD and DH.

[sanemom]

I was reading on parental alienation research as well as looking at the parent board, and it is sad how many kids actually never get it.  The average age to understand that they have been alienated is not until they are in their 20s.

I know some of these kids are getting it way earlier than that.

I just keep wondering at what point will DSD's moral compass go off that her BPD mom tricking her dad into marrying her, lying about DSD's paternity, etc. was NOT a nice thing to do?  It seems like she has DH as the bad guy in that scenario (I could be wrong, but she definitely does not have empathy for him in this situation).  Her younger brothers get that it is wrong, and seem to understand how they were tricked a couple of years ago by BPDmom, but I now am wondering if DSD is going to be one of those who is 50 and still doesn't get it.

I guess we can't control that, but it would be nice to be able to hope for some healing in the relationship between DSD and DH.

[Forgetmenot]

Yes, parental alienation is awful for the alienated parent and for the children involved.

Usually the decent parent will not want to get the kids in the middle but then they are not able to defend themselves.

By the time you can get anything done via the courts or any other means..the kids are almost 20 anyway and they will figure it out.

[DreamGirl]

I think what you want most is for her to build a relationship with her dad. I also think that you believe that path is to have DSD "get it" - if she were to understand, then Dad wouldn't be the bad guy anymore.

You're probably right. I just don't know that it's the sole solution to building that bridge.

You've read Divorce Poison haven't you? Combatting parental alienation isn't always direct combat with the alienating parent. There are some covert ways to battle what's going on in your situation.

...and you can't ever give up hope.  

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[sanemom]

I think what you want most is for her to build a relationship with her dad. I also think that you believe that path is to have DSD "get it" - if she were to understand, then Dad wouldn't be the bad guy anymore.

You're probably right. I just don't know that it's the sole solution to building that bridge.

You've read Divorce Poison haven't you? Combatting parental alienation isn't always direct combat with the alienating parent. There are some covert ways to battle what's going on in your situation.

...and you can't ever give up hope.  

Yes, we are doing both covert and overt ways...it is just taking time.  Maybe doing those strategies will mean she is not one who won't get it ever--I hope that is the case.  But it still is hard to watch DH feel like giving up on DSD because of how he feels that he is not valued by her.