Creating chaos from a RTC

[Think About It...]

Good evening everyone.

I am so disappointed that my daughter is creating additional chaos while she is supposed to be receiving treatment.  She is pulling the eating disorder card again and I have no patience for this.  She told me a little less than a year ago that she had made herself purge once and tried a second time but was unsuccessful.  I approached her therapist about it right away and it was worked on and supposedly not an issue.  A few months after that, she tells me the same thing.  I was kind of confused when she told me the same story with the same dates and I asked her if she had done it again and she said no.  It was like she didn't remember telling me or speaking with her therapist about it. So we addressed it again in therapy.  Not too soon after that she had her second suicide attempt and was hospitalized where it came up again, and again the same dates, and again like she forgot about the last two times she told me and her therapist and that she had worked on it.  Now she brings it up over the phone, like she has never told me and the added that she was on "Close Ob" because of the risk from 6 months ago.  She said she hasn't done it other than those 1 1 /2 times.  ugh

Her b-day is on the 27th and she said that I should get her on Monday.  I told her this past Wednesday that I would see her for pass right before the weekend and no time sooner because she was aggressive towards her sister and threw all of the items off my kitchen counter all over the floor, cursed like a truck driver and was behaving like she never set foot in anywhere to get treatment.  Wednesday's treatment team meeting exposed her behavior at home to the additional staff that I never get a chance to speak with, and they were shocked.  She's on the highest level and was nominated by staff and voted in by her peers as unit leader.  They would never have though that she would act like that.  Then she had a hard time hearing the word no when she said she wanted to come home with me which we had already discussed.  She got very upset and was storming out of the room crying and would come back in and persist telling me that she was leaving with me.  This is so frustrating because I haven't really had any time to myself to breath, and now here we go again.  Plus her b-day s the one year anniversary of her first suicide attempt.  And honestly, I am afraid that based on her behavior and the fact that she is started to cause more trouble with this eating disorder from six months ago...  all the signs are present as they had been in the past that she could most definitely try something.

This is so difficult and I feel horrible.  My kids are still angry with her so there will be no sympathy for her and my fiance of almost 10 years and I are more strangers than friends at this point so the team is not a team at the moment.  I guess I will e-mail her therapist and call the center tomorrow to speak to someone about anything that they may have observed or possibly have new concerns.

I am going to take a long walk with my dog to get some air and think for a while.  I am so tired of the drama.  Everyone is.

[Googie]

Good evening everyone.

I am so disappointed that my daughter is creating additional chaos while she is supposed to be receiving treatment.  She is pulling the eating disorder card again and I have no patience for this.  She told me a little less than a year ago that she had made herself purge once and tried a second time but was unsuccessful.  I approached her therapist about it right away and it was worked on and supposedly not an issue.  A few months after that, she tells me the same thing.  I was kind of confused when she told me the same story with the same dates and I asked her if she had done it again and she said no.  It was like she didn't remember telling me or speaking with her therapist about it. So we addressed it again in therapy.  Not too soon after that she had her second suicide attempt and was hospitalized where it came up again, and again the same dates, and again like she forgot about the last two times she told me and her therapist and that she had worked on it.  Now she brings it up over the phone, like she has never told me and the added that she was on "Close Ob" because of the risk from 6 months ago.  She said she hasn't done it other than those 1 1 /2 times.  ugh

Her b-day is on the 27th and she said that I should get her on Monday.  I told her this past Wednesday that I would see her for pass right before the weekend and no time sooner because she was aggressive towards her sister and threw all of the items off my kitchen counter all over the floor, cursed like a truck driver and was behaving like she never set foot in anywhere to get treatment.  Wednesday's treatment team meeting exposed her behavior at home to the additional staff that I never get a chance to speak with, and they were shocked.  She's on the highest level and was nominated by staff and voted in by her peers as unit leader.  They would never have though that she would act like that.  Then she had a hard time hearing the word no when she said she wanted to come home with me which we had already discussed.  She got very upset and was storming out of the room crying and would come back in and persist telling me that she was leaving with me.  This is so frustrating because I haven't really had any time to myself to breath, and now here we go again.  Plus her b-day s the one year anniversary of her first suicide attempt.  And honestly, I am afraid that based on her behavior and the fact that she is started to cause more trouble with this eating disorder from six months ago...  all the signs are present as they had been in the past that she could most definitely try something.

This is so difficult and I feel horrible.  My kids are still angry with her so there will be no sympathy for her and my fiance of almost 10 years and I are more strangers than friends at this point so the team is not a team at the moment.  I guess I will e-mail her therapist and call the center tomorrow to speak to someone about anything that they may have observed or possibly have new concerns.

I am going to take a long walk with my dog to get some air and think for a while.  I am so tired of the drama.  Everyone is.

[seekinglight]

I am sorry that so much is still whirling around your daughter's behavior, even when she's not living with you.

About the staff being shocked at her acting out.  That is something that drove me up a wall, no one SAW what we did or was subjected to what we were...it was always different outside the house.

Once, with a day treatment staff member, Eva let lose, and the staff member said that she had never seen that behavior from Eva.  We said we had all the time. Nothing was done, Eva was release from day treatment a day later.

I have so little positive to say about the mental health care our daughter received.

[Googie]

I hear you loud and clear seekinglight!

I am really at a loss with how to handle communicating with the staff there.  I feel that if there are still issues (and serious issues at that) occurring while out on pass, then there should be some serious redirecting and therapy directly related to the issues regardless if they do not observe them themselves.  Its not like I am making it up, but I feel that they disregard my concerns.  Either that or they don't believe them.  I can refer them to many people who can tell them what they observed if they need to verify what I am telling them.  It is a lot of work having to do an hourly check list and explanations of behavior issues.  If I am required to do that on my part, they should be required to actually read it.

I am going to keep doing my part and when I have reached the end of my rope, I guess I can see what other options are available because as of right now I am being told that this is it.

Thanks for letting me know that this is something that happens and its not just me.

[findhope]

Googie,
I understand how frustrating it is when your child manipulates in treatment. My dd17 is in her second program and is creating chaos for herself. In her first RTC boarding school, she was so good around the staff, that one of the staff members told me she did not know why my daughter was there until she heard my fears from me during a parent seminar. She had her T convinced she had OCD (nope). No one saw what I saw at home. Now she is in a wilderness program. It has been good for her, but she had a psych eval this week. Her T explained that it had to be done if she was to come home to her old school, or go on to more treatment. She wants to come home, so I thought she would take it seriously. She did not do her written portion, and she did not go to her appt. She blamed this on her therapist. She lied to the psychologist and said she had not been given the paperwork with enough time to complete. She is a very smart girl, so I don't get why she did not think that the evaluating psychologist and therapist were going to talk. She was tracked down and did get to the appointment late, but in a small program, how did she think she was going to get away with skipping it. I don't get how she thought that was going to benefit her.
I had such high hopes, that this program would get her grounded and on the right path, but really it just made me realize I have a long road of chaos ahead. At least now others are seeing what I have been seeing her whole life and I guess it is valuble information for the evaluation, that she was trying to lie and manipulate.

[Being Mindful]

I have so little positive to say about the mental health care our daughter received.

I don't either...

Very discouraging for us and included a world of hurt of blaming us, invalidating us, not listening to us. In addition, we had multiple ethical violations and one of those reported to our state psychology board. I am only now starting to trust my own therapist.