Projection-I finally get it

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

In my interactions with my uBPD/Npd H i was always left stunned at what he would accuse me of.
the most bizarre and insane attacks that were so far off my behavioral charts..
things I had never said and would NEVER ever do.

I finally learned to process his rages differently and actually SEEK out the projections he leveled at me-as that helped me identify his internal struggle better, with more precision.
(and realize finally that it has NOTHING to do with me-I just happen to be present and intimate)

It helped reduce both my hurt and my reactions when I realized it was all what HE wanted, meant and thought that he SENT out like heat seeking missiles towards me.

 
GL

[gina louise]

In my interactions with my uBPD/Npd H i was always left stunned at what he would accuse me of.
the most bizarre and insane attacks that were so far off my behavioral charts..
things I had never said and would NEVER ever do.

I finally learned to process his rages differently and actually SEEK out the projections he leveled at me-as that helped me identify his internal struggle better, with more precision.
(and realize finally that it has NOTHING to do with me-I just happen to be present and intimate)

It helped reduce both my hurt and my reactions when I realized it was all what HE wanted, meant and thought that he SENT out like heat seeking missiles towards me.

 
GL

[Rhymes w/Orange]

 

It's true. I hope this understanding makes things easier for you. 

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? This board is for analyzing and making the decision to either continue working on your relationship or to leave it. If you have already please advance to "L3 Leaving" or the "L4 Staying" board. All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)

[CaptainM]

It's great that you've put those puzzle pieces together GL!   Understanding really does help so much.

Part of dealing with that projection is learning to be very self assured and self aware (so we're not left constantly questioning our own judgement) - how are you going with that side of things?

[gina louise]

Captain M and Bpdhope,

GOOD. things are going well in MY life. And I am seeing myself as separate from him. My Stuff doesn't have to involve him-especially when it would be triggering.

I had successful cancer treatment last week. (taking care of my own health /business-I sought and found support beyond my H, as he's turning it all about HIM)

I have a job interview today for the most salary I have ever seen and I know that I am well worth it. (for me!)

I know that his outbursts are not my fault...and he is struggling with his internal process-no matter how kind, civil and balanced I *think* I am ...something will trigger him. (balance and self assurance-that I didn't DO anything except to be present when he's FEELING badly.)

I take care of myself and make sure that I DO validate his feelings (not that they are finally rational...but I CAN say I understand HOW he might feel)

I don't JADE. if anything I say..OH. and make an exit. In other words I don't give him a bone to chew on, or bash me with.
GL

[IAdoreDogs]

Gina Louise,

I'm so glad things are going well for you!  Keep up the positive momentum and don't look back    I'm keeping you in my prayers -  you can do it!