telling daughter about her BPD

[mggt]

I was wondering if anyone out there as successfully spoken to there son or daughter about BPD that they have it.  Everytime i try and talk to my daughter she freaks out screams and wont listen i have tried for years every which way i kid u not .  Could anyone give me some examples of how it went with there children my d is 20 now and has a baby almost 1 years old she will blame everyone everything on her problems she has been in dbt for years rtc for 1 year all dbt she can be quite charming but god forgive me has a real nasty vandictive side and has started nasty and really awful stories about me and my husband i could go on and on but im sure all of u have had similar storys to share, she has been on many many meds and has seen countless t im so worried for  her all the time and now i am so worried about our  little grandaughter btw she is the love of our life along with our d any and all info will be  much much appreciated and god bless all of us  

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Being Mindful]

Hi mggt.

Glad to see you on the parent's board.

Here is a link to discussion around telling our loved one they have BPD.

PERSPECTIVES: Telling someone that you think they have BPD

I hope it helps you discern this very important question... .  one that we have al lstruggled with.

Being Mindful

[vivekananda]

Hi mggt,

I found out the hard way not to raise the subject with my dd who is now 32. What I have learned here is that I cannot change my dd, I can only change myself. So, I have read all I could about BPD, what to do and how to develop a better relationship with my daughter. I would like to suggest to you that the way out of this nightmare for you, is to do the same.

Valerie Porr's book, 'Overcoming BPD' is an excellent help for parents like us. If you spend no other money 'cept for this book, you will have made the best investment to help your daughter possible. The book is easy to read and makes so much sense.

thinking of you mggt,

Vivek    

[somuchlove]

You have great advice Vivek ananda, Yet whenever someone posts it I get REALY MAD ! !    I don't want to hear it.  I just keep thinking I can make it better, if only I would have... .    etc etc etc.

But then I realize eveyone is probably right.  DANG ! ! !   I have read the book. It is wonderful.  I had my other dd read it and it has helped her understand her sister and realize that she is just a mean sister, crazy, abusing me, etc.  I hated to put this burden on my dd but I think it makes her understand more her BPD sister and allows me to be more open with normal dd.  My son age 30 on the other hand still is pretty black and white,  is wonderful, loving and still is angry with his BPD sister, for putting us thorugh all of this.  He wants to understand, yet hasn't read the book. 

My husband, who has his Dr. in education, and works with kids all the time, says yeah i know. yet he really doesn't understand that BPD is different.  I am still working on him to read.  I think, rather than him just not reading it but it is just to hard for him.  He would rather put this problem on a self somewhere, be upset with BPD that she is taking the enjoyment out of my life. 

[vivekananda]

hey somuchbest wishes, I know how you feel. That was me too. But now I have moved beyond that thank goodness. Working on myself has brought me to a stage where i have learnt to accept what is, leave the past and all the mistakes I made and the ones I imagined I made, behind me. Hopefully I am even beginning to repair my relationship with my dd not bad since she blames me for all her problems! I have left that hurt of being accused of giving dd a lifetime of physical and emotional abuse behind me too. You stay with us somuchbest wishes, keep on this journey with us, there is light at the end of the tunnel!

And your poor old dh in denial. Yep, mine too. Mine worked in the welfare social services community sector all his life, he thought he knew too. Poor bugger doesn't get a break from me though! I am constantly showing him what he misses and letting him know he doesn't know.

did you see the video going the rounds, 'Love is not enough' it's a beauty and it tells the story from a BPD sufferers perspective.

cheers,

Vivek