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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Family will confront her with the hopes she will get help.  (Read 367 times)
AJwhatThe

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« on: April 14, 2013, 07:58:44 PM »

My exgfBPD split me black 7 weeks ago when I left her house for a time out from her raging. Its been hell trying to get my belongings. too many details but no need to write them because we all know how uncooperative some BPD's can be. She has to control the method that I can have my things. etc.

Her family has had enough. They have gone through this many times before. They always knew she had a problem but have never approached her as a group. Some have tried to talk to her individually and were quickly dismissed by her.  Tomorrow is D-DAY. Demands-Day.

They will tell her they know she has been lying to them about me. They will convince her to allow me to get my belongings. They want her to revoke the "Letter of Trespassing" against me so I can go on her property and retrieve what is mine.

There are many other things they plan on demanding she do. One of them is... .   yes... .   that she gets help.   

The key is that weeks ago she admitted to her sister that she needs help. So everyone feels she is aware she has a problem.

I have tried to get them to come to this website to learn more about BPD. I think a couple have but I fear they will be making demands in a confrontation manner.  They don't know what else to do.

I think this will back fire.

Or it might be the wake up call she needs.
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Hurt llama
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« Reply #1 on: April 14, 2013, 08:03:56 PM »

wow... .   Hold old is she?

that's the stuff fantasies are made of... . Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

it's terribly sad of course but I am interested to see how this plays out. Denial is a powerful thing.

I don't know all that much about BPD really and never considered there would be such an 'intervention'... . Can't see it working... . but very curious how she reacts.
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AJwhatThe

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« Reply #2 on: April 14, 2013, 08:11:56 PM »

She is in her late forties... .   Dad has always bailed her out of situations financially. She has cycled through different family members especially Dad. She has never raged to or painted her mother black though. She has lied to them all. Her dad has printouts of things she has texted to me that she then told them and the police the complete opposite.
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daze
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« Reply #3 on: April 14, 2013, 08:43:09 PM »

AJ ---

That's very interesting!  I wish my H's family would do that for him.  I am kinda surprised we don't read about more families trying it.  Wonder why? 

Please let us know how it goes!

Daze

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AJwhatThe

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« Reply #4 on: April 16, 2013, 11:17:13 PM »

Well that didn't go very well.

The family is split.  Her father spoke with her and has taken a completely different stance. She fed him some lies.

I think I may have stumbled on some family secrets. If she has a disorder it might be because of something form her childhood. It is easier for dad to believe that I am the one with a mental problem.

She apparently told her family that I am he one with a "Split Personality"

Her mother is neutral.

Her sister and brother-in-law know she is lying. They are now angry with their parents for breaking rank.

I still don't have my belongings

I just want to get off this ride.
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doubleAries
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« Reply #5 on: April 16, 2013, 11:36:58 PM »

OUCH!

Saw that one coming a mile away!

AJwhatThe, you may need to call the police and get a "civil standby" or whatever it may be called in your state. Basically, the police come and stand by to keep the peace as you grab your belongings. If some of the belongings are in dispute, that has to be resolved in court rather than by the police. But they will prevent her from accosting you as you get your personal belongings.

One of the problems with mental illness is lack of insight. One does not gain insight simply by being confronted. This "intervention" was doomed before it started. Even if some of the family members weren't manipulated.
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HarmKrakow
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« Reply #6 on: April 17, 2013, 12:15:18 AM »

Its not just lack of insight. Someone wih a mental disorder actually has a diferent less functioning brain than we do. They are literally sick. It takes years to get that back.

And ajwhatthe ... . this was as to b expectes. BPD arises from childhood problems, FOO plays a big role.
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Hurt llama
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« Reply #7 on: April 17, 2013, 01:06:08 AM »

I am kinda surprised we don't read about more families trying it.  Wonder why? 

I think it's because most likely the person who suffers from BPD is most likely suffering it to a degree BECAUSE of the family.

And even if it wasn't the case, my gut tells me this is a very different animal than an intervention for a drug or alcohol addict.

I have a hard time imaging an intervention working... .   sounds actually almost impossible.
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HarmKrakow
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« Reply #8 on: April 17, 2013, 01:10:55 AM »

BPD intervention... .

Dear, we are all here because we think you need help.

... .

Me? You all need help!

... .

*rage*

... .

*rage*

... .

And you see ur self slowly getting out of the back door, thinking what the heck did i get myself into.
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daze
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« Reply #9 on: April 17, 2013, 07:12:00 AM »

Excerpt
I am kinda surprised we don't read about more families trying it.  Wonder why? 

Guess we know why.  FOO usually contributed to the issues from the beginning.  Very few want to face it.  Awesome... .  
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