Daughter managing well

[heronbird]

Hi  

My daughter is now 8 months pregnant. Since she found out she was pregnant, she has been so well. Yep, we have had a 7 month break.

She is not normal by any means. However, no A&E, and nothing too bad.

She went and got married to a man we werent keen on, but he seems ok now, he is the father and they have a lovely home together.

Shes only 18 and at times, I think she misses home and family life. I have learnt that if she gets upset, its not what she is upset about its an underlying cause, I try to find out what it is and validate her, this does help.

So, is it the hormones that are helping her?

If it is, why dont they help pwBPD with hormones then?

We had a meeting recently with social services and my dds psychiatrist was there. She told everyone at the meeting that she didnt agree with the diagnosis 100%. I really hate that when they all say different things. Its just because my dd has been ok for a long time now, but the P does not really know.

I did remind her that she only sees my dd once a month for 15 minutes so how can she make a valid judgement.    

She has only known my dd since last June, and she is leaving now. Shes no help anyway.

My dd gets no help now.

They wont offer her DBT or MBT because she is pregnant.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[jellibeans]

I can of look at this as being in remission? Maybe hormone does have something to do with it. Glad to hear that things are good and she is handling her pregnance well. She is so young and I think anyone that age might feel a bit stressed so congrats to her! I think one thing that might help the pwBPD is that the focus is now on her baby and maybe that has helped her not be so self absorbed. How exciting for her and your family! A new baby coming... .   these are the good times... .   makes me smile... .   big hugs to you Gramma!  

[swampped]

Heron Bird:  Welcome back!  I have wondered how you were doing--am glad your dd is doing so well.  I think that the pregnancy hormones (mostly estrogen) react differently in different women, but there certainly seems to be an improved sense of well-being in many during pregnancy.  Conversely, withdrawal of estrogen---by miscarriage, delivery or menopause---can cause sadness or depression.  One would hope that your dd has undergone remission (maybe why her psych says she doubts the diagnosis)---or, if the improvement is temporary, at least she feels so much better, you and the family have had a break from the drama, and most importantly, the new little one is being bathed in a sea of good feeling rather than stress.  Grandbabies are so wonderful!   I wish you all the best.  And let us know how your advocacy work is going---or maybe you are too busy with knitting little booties and blankets to have time for advocacy right now!  We all would surely understand.       Swampped

[js friend]

Hi Heron!

Good to hear that your dd is doing well in her pregnancy. My dd was a complete nightmare during her pregnancy and her moods were all over the place if you remember.She certainly cried a lot especially towards the end of her pregnancy and we were all worried how the baby would be with all the neonatal emotional distress but this baby, (a girl) is as calm as anything!  

The closest thing we ever got to dd agreeing to take was vitamin D supplements because she was found to be very depleted. It was actually her psych who suggested that she may need a supplement as he had used it with his patients with depression and found that it helped. I cant say that it actually worked for dd  because it she only took one course and didnt go back to get her levels checked but I have taken it and I think it has definitley hepled me to get through the winter.

Maybe it helps that your dd is focusing on her baby atm as jellibeans said. My dd wasnt too focused on her baby when she was pregnant. She was  still talking about adoption and chasing around after exboyfriend right up to the birth and i was really worried how she would be afterwards but she is much more focused on her baby now and doing really well.

[Eclaire5]

I think hormones do play a role in this. My daughter had very high levels of testosterone (we would have never guessed, she has very feminine features, no facial hair, etc) and once she got treatment for that her rages diminished quite a bit. She still had “temper tantrums” but no outbursts of pure rage. Now that she is taking the Seroquel she is doing even better. Still goes on rants and can say pretty mean things that hurt my feelings, but no longer gets loud or uses offensive language.

[griz]

heronbird:  I have missed you.  I have thought about you often and hoped that everything was going well for you and your daughter.   I am smiling now that I know that they are.  How wonderful, a new family, a new baby.  Is it possible you could speak with her doctor about her being on a type of hormone therapy.  I can't wait to hear when the baby comes.

Keep us posted.

Griz

[mikmik]

Heron,

I too have been thinking of you often!  You must have felt the pull back to the board, from all our energy!

You may have hit the nail on the head.  Her hormones are acting to calm her.  I would, as others suggest, get with the PDoc, and be battle ready for post-partum depression.  The removal of the hormones that have calmed her, may cause a swing.  Lots of us, I am sure, felt "blue" after our children were born.

Do others, who are grandmothers, on the board report episodes of depression after the baby was born?

I like the idea of hormone treatment, much like when women are going through menopause.  I think our dd's could be tested for this!

mik

[heronbird]

Hi,

Wow, I forgot how knowledgeable you all are.

Scollops, yes I think you are right too, just because she has been doing ok for 6 months, the P thinks she is ok now.

We have to remember remission.

Even though I say she is doing good, she still has problems, she has isolated herself and does not see friends, she stays in most days, comes to visit me on occasions. Has had crying days too. I can tell she is low at times, maybe mood swings too.

She is having lots of meetings with social services and they talk about not letting her go home from hospital when she has had the baby until she has had a full assessment, they have to have a meeting and decide if she is ok. It sounded to me like they were expecting her to go down hill straight away, which I found strange. Swamped  you clarified that for me too.

I have mixed feelings about the birth, its not the same as if my older dd was having a baby, I am apprehensive as you never know, its unpredictable as to what is going to happen.

I hope all will be well and she can manage, she seems to be really good and I think will do well, mostly.

They were also talking about putting her in a mother and baby unit for 6 weeks.

So its not like a normal thing is it.

The reason I have not been able to post was that I was doing so much work for the group, I think I worked on it at least 3 or more evenings a week. Plus, with everything else going on, It was hard going, also working full time.

Remember, I bought two kittens, well my gorgeous ragdoll died 6 weeks ago, so that was so tough. It took me a long time to get over that, I still miss him so so much, he was so special, Id never had a cat like that, he was 10 months when he died, unbelievable and his pall misses him too, which was hard to see :'( :'( :'(

Things are looking up, I just bought two kittens, both ragdolls, I love this breed so much.