"I am taking all this medication, you should give as well"

[Mian]

I am trying to avoid conflict with my SO, by letting him know I don't feel comfortable when he starts lashing out at me and I end any conversation we have if it turns into yet another angry rage. I do let him know I love him.

An ever returning issue for the both of us is sex. Last night he let me know he was not taking his new medication until today because there was an important game on tv, and he wanted to watch it and have "a" beer. We are not living together so I wished him a good game and told him to enjoy himself.

This is hard for me because I know drinking sets him off. But I thought: let him. I have no idea if he actually was prescribed other medication because he hasn't been talking about anything lately. However, from watching a game and having beer he started on me stating I was not doing anything for our relationship. I wasn't giving anything, I was just being nasty according to him. And... . if I would give him what he wants, our relationship would be perfect. All he wants at the moment is for me to have sex with him. I have tried to make him understand that for me it is impossible to make love to him after he verbally abuses me (telling me I am cheating on him, that I'm no good at sex anyway etc. certainly doesn't help). And to be honest, I do not believe in "make up sex". I am getting better in ignoring his rages, however some comments stick in my mind.

Is it wrong of me to let him know that I am very committed to him, but I do not accept abuse? And is it wrong of me to let him know that just taking medication is not going to solve his issues, that he needs regular counseling to work on his emotional state of mind?

I enjoy making love to him but I feel like for him it is just sex and it has nothing to do with me or my feelings. I don't know what to do here, we are in this circle again. I want him to first stop his angry burst outs, he wants me to first have sex.

Is he able to validate my feelings at all?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[waverider]

Is it wrong of me to let him know that I am very committed to him, but I do not accept abuse?

Totally right to do this, but you will need to practice boundaries to address this

And is it wrong of me to let him know that just taking medication is not going to solve his issues, that he needs regular counseling to work on his emotional state of mind?

Probably a waste of time he needs to work this out himself. He will just take it as you being controlling and invalidating his decisions.

I want him to first stop his angry burst outs, he wants me to first have sex.

Again boundaries, and you have a right to do what you fell is right and not coerced into anything

Is he able to validate my feelings at all?

Probably not, you have to learn to believe in yourself. validation needs to come from outside support. The value of valuation is only as sound as the mind that provides it.