"Give it a rest... Please."

[Theo41]

Today was a good example of the illness and some recovery.

It was our wedding anniversary. Went on a beautiful scenic day trip. All was well. This evening we go out for dinner. On the way there a guy cuts me off. I give him the finger but nothing else ( no yelling,foul language,etc. ) my wife who has been happy all day now has a change of mood. She's upset that I would do something like that. Says I did it on purpose to louse up our anniversary. Getting even with her for suggesting a route I didnot want to take. Lost her appetite. Will need to get another anniversary card since what she wrote is no longer applicable. This goes on for 20 minutes. She gets a grip and we go into the restaurant. Dinner is tense but staff is not made uncomfortable. By the time we leave she's doing better and hour later she reaches for my hand and says " I'm ok now."

When it started I remained calm and did not react other than to apologize for my behavior an tell her it was not meant to negatively affect her. Once we got in te restaurant I told her I love her. Note: I have learned when these explosions occur that she will need some time to get over it.  Requires patience and the ability to say the right things and not the wrong things. Less is better. My wife,for her part must have become aware that she was personalizing the situation and overreacting. She explained that when negative surprises come she has a hard time coping. Were both doing our best to work together on this. Both need patience . Would appreciate any constructive comments/suggestions. Theo

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[123Phoebe]

Hi Theo

Sounds like you both handled yourselves very well and I'm glad that your anniversary was a happy one

What I like about this scenario, is that you both gave each other the space to be exactly who you are with openness and honesty.

Hey, we're not perfect!  We're not expected to be either.  I've flipped off drivers numerous times and have sworn like a sailor at them, too  It happens, there's a lot of crappy drivers out there... .

Less is more in certain situations, yes.  The more we let our true selves emerge (while owning what is our stuff), the more intimacy we create

Happy Anniversary!