Separation Limbo/ Not responding to emails

[Mcgddss]

Right now I am in separation limbo.  We have paid thousands to "mediate" the divorce, but because uBPDh delays the process continuously, we do not have a divorce yet (6 months waiting).

In the divorce it states that all contact will be through email.  He has now stopped responding to emails and because the divorce is not final, I have no recourse.

I am being careful not to send too many emails so he can't say I am harassing him. (no more than 2/wk)

So, I get exhausted because I am still walking on eggshells and all the uncertainty, and the kids (d8 & s5) are stuck in the middle due to his inappropriate behavior.

Any recommendation as to what to do when they won't respond to emails other than telling the lawyer?

[marbleloser]

Keep the emails short and to the point. One email and go on. If he doesn't respond,especially to an email concerning the children,you can bring up that he's unwilling to co-parent. Just keep all emails you've sent and note that he doesn't respond.

[Mcgddss]

Thank You marbleloser - my emails have been short & to the point and only about the children.  His replies are anything but - I ask about keeping a bed, he responds that I am passive aggressive and need to seek therapy.

Thanks for pointing out that this is an example that he is unwilling to co-parent.  To whom should I point that out?  I do eventually want to have sole custody, but I know I have to let him mess up enough times to finally get the judge to believe me.

The waiting really is the hardest part.

[Free One]

Can you get a read receipt to show he saw the email?

[livednlearned]

A stonewalling ex is pretty common when BPD is involved.

I learned how to write very structured emails with N/BPDx so that no response was a response. For example, back when we had "rights of first refusal" I would write, "If you would like to spend Jan 28-31 with S12 while I travel, let me know by Thursday. If I have not heard a yes or no response from you by Thursday, I will make other arrangements for S12."

I didn't think of it as stonewalling until my L gave it a name. Stonewalling is a very unreasonable behavior that is definitely worth documenting. It was the #2 trouble behavior for N/BPDx in my sole custody hearing, right after threatening behavior.

[thisyoungdad]

I am in the same boat and it drives me nuts! After over a year of the B.S with this subject, we met with the parenting therapist/ family therapist again and my ex handed her a pile of emails as if to get me into trouble. Therapist looks at them all, then looks at my ex and said what I have been waiting to hear! She said to my ex "the only problem I see is that you are not responding, so tell me, how many Mondays (the days she is required to respond) have gone by that you have not responded? And why? "

It was like music to my ears I felt so vindicated! Because I was following the rules... . and she was not!

She is completely unwilling to co parent and admitted as much again in that session. I think that everyone knows it is only a matter of time before I get sole custody. The therapist and my lawyer have both hinted at what I need to be doing to have a case against her. My attorney has told me just to be patient and let her have enough rope and she will hang herself. She is starting to. How long it will take though is anyone's guess. It is almost impossible to co parent with someone who is stonewalling or in the depths of their disorder.

[Mcgddss]

She is completely unwilling to co parent and admitted as much again in that session. I think that everyone knows it is only a matter of time before I get sole custody. The therapist and my lawyer have both hinted at what I need to be doing to have a case against her. My attorney has told me just to be patient and let her have enough rope and she will hang herself. She is starting to. How long it will take though is anyone's guess. It is almost impossible to co parent with someone who is stonewalling or in the depths of their disorder.

I am in the same boat - he is starting to "fall apart" with his lawyers, the worst part of all of it is how the kids have to live through his continued break down.

Here's to patience - let's hope we don't have to wait too long.

[marbleloser]

You bring it up in court as a reason you need to be primary parent. That alone won't get you primary,but that along with other reasons could. If he's stonewalling mediation,go to court. That's what it's for.

I always let my stbx know what one of the special needs kiddos had to eat before he goes back to her. It has to be calculated at every meal,for his daily intake. She has NEVER,in almost 2 years of divorce proceedings,done the same to me.I have to guess as to how much to feed him when he's with me. Guess who's gonna use that in the courtroom?