Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 28, 2024, 11:41:11 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Experts share their discoveries [video]
100
Caretaking - What is it all about?
Margalis Fjelstad, PhD
Blame - why we do it?
Brené Brown, PhD
Family dynamics matter.
Alan Fruzzetti, PhD
A perspective on BPD
Ivan Spielberg, PhD
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Years Later  (Read 461 times)
HOF
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1275


« on: January 24, 2014, 04:02:15 PM »

Gone a long time.

6 years from divorce, maybe 9 from separation

So, just how well does supposedly co-parenting with a totally crazy BPD XW work?

My  daughter was just  Baker Acted  - suicidal - 1 son disowned entirely by X, now living happily with me in violation of court order, other son thrown out of X's as unmanageable violent drugee, now very happy and productively living with me in violation of court order.   1 daughter drops out of school with no real plans to finish or take online courses, or even test out with a GED - she's staying home to "help mom" by getting a job and giving her money, significantly curtailed her staying with me so that she can "take care of mom".  1 daughter should be in therapy for self described "self hatred"

related or not?   2 daughters are gender dysphoric

all minors.

AND crazy ass X still sends 3 AM hate text in the middle of the night and wee hours of the morning with no apparent prompting, and she hid that daughter was baker acted today, got word from my daughters girl friend just before it happened.

They are now old enough to be heard by the judge, if the judge agreed to it, with no guarantees their wishes would be paid attention to, but by the time I get infront of a judge, they will no longer be minors and it won't matter.   So, those that live at home do it constantly worried that one day she will change her mind and call the police.  Police have already told me, right or wrong, if the court order says the boys should be with her, they will have no choice but remove them from my home, and drag them back.

13 months left, and they are adults.  (Higher Order Multiples... . same age)  I count every day.


On a positive note, I have remarried, gained a step daughter, and very recently a grand daughter.   My wife of 4 years now (together 5) was my first girlfriend, she deals with the fallout from BPDX with grace, and is an awesome life partner.  I am blessed, and only a few months to go till the worst of the nightmare can be behind me.


Total bill... . now over $300K

Daddy
Logged
mywifecrazy
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 619


Picking myself off the canvas for the last time!


« Reply #1 on: January 25, 2014, 05:40:19 AM »

Excerpt
On a positive note, I have remarried, gained a step daughter, and very recently a grand daughter.   My wife of 4 years now (together 5) was my first girlfriend, she deals with the fallout from BPDX with grace, and is an awesome life partner.  I am blessed, and only a few months to go till the worst of the nightmare can be behind me.

Total bill... . now over $300K

Daddy

WOW!

Thanks for sharing your story. I thought I had it rough because I found my uBPDxw in bed with my neighbor from across the street on Father's Day 2013. I was lucky that she was SOO IMPULSIVE that she rushed through the divorce and it only cadt me $22,000 in the settlement. I kept the house, retirement, etc. she even gave me primary custody of kids. The only hard part for me is dealing with her being with my neighbor. She was living there for a bit but I convinced her (for now, she such a lying manipulative b**ch). I APPLAUD you for doing your best to try to save your kids from her destruction. That's what my biggest challenge is, Not letting her CRAZINESS ruin my boys (14&9) again I'm lucky because I have primary custody.

Thanks again for sharing. It's helpful to see someone years out from the breakup and how they are doing.  My prayers for you and your family.  I'm happy to hear that you found someone that is GOOD for you!
Logged

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. (Psalm 34:18, 19)
HOF
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1275


« Reply #2 on: January 27, 2014, 02:27:03 PM »

Excerpt
save your kids from her destruction. That's what my biggest challenge is, Not letting her CRAZINESS ruin my boys

Its all we can do.  Mission #1 is protect the kids, because for the most part, the courts, and most of the members of this industry don't care a damn about them... .   witness my daughter baker acted, a son disowned by his mother, another thrown out by his mother... .

NO matter how you try... the damage never stops.


Logged
DreamGirl
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
Posts: 4015


Do. Or do not. There is no try.


« Reply #3 on: January 27, 2014, 04:30:54 PM »

Hey there HOF,

Violating court orders is a little bit different when both parties agree - and it sounds like these are mutual decisions in the best interest of each kiddo? My 17 year old can't really be told what to do at this point when it comes to visitation.   

Are the kiddos that are living with you in therapy? Do they all still talk to each other at least?
Logged

  "What I want is what I've not got, and what I need is all around me." ~Dave Matthews

apple
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 151



« Reply #4 on: January 27, 2014, 08:59:16 PM »

The whole idea of "Co-parenting" is a complete and utter lie sold to many who do not accept reality and want to live in fantasy.

Whomever has primary custody is the one making the decisions and there is nothing "CO" about parenting kids in separate households. It's all a bunch of bullhit so they can make themselves feel ok for hiting men over and keeping up appearances.

My CBEXW says she wants to co-parent to my sons T and it's bullhit. The CB asks me what I think and 100% always chooses to do the opposite so why f-ing ask me?   She doesn't want to co-parent,



Logged
Soulsisters
**
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 73


« Reply #5 on: January 28, 2014, 01:08:25 AM »

Hof,

Your new wife must give you joy every day to be able to handle the drama.  Congratulations.  Give her lots of snuggles.

I am now with my best friend from childhood. What a blessing, he definitely has saved me through some of the times, and always cuddles with me.  I lived with 20 years of no snuggles, ever.

Hey dreamgirl,

How is your 17 year old dealing?

Mine is so angry with me and refuses to see me or talk to me.  Every single day it hurts like hell.  He doesn't have to see me if he doesn't want to and he blames me for everything.  I was just curious when you commented on your 17 year old and getting to choose.

Have a good week all
Logged
mywifecrazy
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 619


Picking myself off the canvas for the last time!


« Reply #6 on: January 28, 2014, 07:34:46 AM »

The whole idea of "Co-parenting" is a complete and utter lie sold to many who do not accept reality and want to live in fantasy.

Whomever has primary custody is the one making the decisions and there is nothing "CO" about parenting kids in separate households. It's all a bunch of bullhit so they can make themselves feel ok for hiting men over and keeping up appearances.

My CBEXW says she wants to co-parent to my sons T and it's bullhit. The CB asks me what I think and 100% always chooses to do the opposite so why f-ing ask me?   She doesn't want to co-parent,

Thank You soo much for your post. I've been raising my S14 & S9 since my uBPDxw decided to abandon her kids and me for a new VICTIM. She only sees them every other weekend. She had the AUDACITY to tell me we need to do a better job of CO-PARENTING in one of her crying slobbering feel sorry for me phone calls. I laughed in her face. I told her I'm raising these kids all by myself I'm all for her starting to do her her part as CO! In reality I wish she would have ran away with her boyfriend. She only makes things worse by being close and CHOOSING not to be with my sons. They are reminded on a daily basis that their mother CHOOSES not to be with them

You are so right. I have primary custody and I'm the one raising my boys! Co-Parenting MY ASS!

She only sees them 1-1/2 days every 2 weeks and she's happy with that. My 9yr old had his first violin concert at school last night... . She didn't even show up! That's fine by me. I have enough love for my 2 sons to make up fir her sorry ass!
Logged

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. (Psalm 34:18, 19)
broken3
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 126


« Reply #7 on: January 28, 2014, 04:44:07 PM »

guys,

please just pretend they do not exist when it comes to being a parent.

Just keep doing the right thing and forget about the bull crap threats about not communicating or co-parenting.

It's all about control.

Whenever they feel they can exert power over you it makes them feel " special".

Feelings versus facts.

My stbxw only showed up for 19% of the court ordered visitation.

Yet, boy could she comment and rage daily about what they and I should do daily.Or actually when it was good for her. As sometimes if she was "busy". It might take a day or two.
Logged
HOF
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1275


« Reply #8 on: February 13, 2014, 03:21:19 PM »

sorry for not replyting to  allyou who were good enough to reply back.


All these years past separation... . and WHAM... . new escalations... what the Bullet: comment directed to __ (click to insert in post)#)$*(_)#*(_  does she really want to accomplish?

re. therapy, several yes, some no.

Son has adopted mom's rage, and I just can't do it.  This weekend is ultimatum time... .

She created a rage monster, then threw him out because of rage, I don't know what my son will do, be there are people in the house fearing for their safety in the face of his rage.

My wonderful wife, even hid all the kitchen knives.

BPD - what a way to screw up children and lives.

HOF
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!