How to best support/validate alienated child

[nona]

I posted exampled threatening  email here a few weeks ago.

she came home with an ipod touch at christmastime

this has been used for numerous boundary crossings and flagrant interruptions.


I commented on it, and set a boundary with it. (no online ipod in my home for children)

I believe it was my boundary setting that brought on the tantrum emails from ex.

but he works alienation , not only tantrum.

d11 is acting

scared "of me again at school.

other children and mothers, ignoring me and acting "scared" of me... .

This happens when he is actively alienating.

d11 is starting to refuse visits and contact.

treats me like crap when on the phone in front of daddy and his friends.

she is suspicious and trained, reactive and accusing while here.

Please coach me here... . how to validate her / support her

without validating crazy man.

d11 turns benign things into "attacking daddy"

what works for you.

I keep thinkiung I should go back to the staying board, that some lessons there may help me communicate witgout hurting d11 further.

I want / need to do right by d11.

thanks