Skyping With The Kids

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

The kids' mom moved out a little over two weeks ago. We agreed to a 3-2-2-3 schedule for S4 and D1 for now. The stipulation is being drafted, so it's just a verbal agreement at this point. I don't foresee any problems thus far. Last night, she asked me if I could install Skype on my phone so she could see the kids, because she needed to see thier faces (I have a contact photo of her on my phone of her and D1 when she was a few months old, the kids like it. S4 kisses and hugs the phone, it's cute). My problem is that I am still very angry at how she "tanked' our r/s, as my T put it, and don't really want to see her. I can barely stand the nightly calls, but it is what it is and I suppose I need to deal with it and let go of my anger at some point. Does anybody think I am being unreasonable to not meet her request to Skype with the kids? I know it's the object constancy for her where she needs to see them "live" even though she saw them the day before (this was last night, so she saw them in the morning when she dropped them off).

This is a mess of her own making, yet I feel like I am giving in to her demands to make it easier for her to feel less guilty about what she did and how she did it. I know that this should be about the kids at this point, but they do fine with it. Their conversations are short until they say, "bye mommy!" or bye to me when I call them at night with her. They're kids, pretty adaptable as long as they feel safe where they are, which they are with each of us. I'm still just to angry as I saw the smug mugshot of her boy toy on the Skype on our computer at home, and she used to sit in the spare room and skype with the dude at night, and yes, I could hear it through the thin door (small house). I know I don't have to do this, but part of me thinks I am being unreasonable. Thoughts? Last night when she asked, I was non-commital.

[Turkish]

The kids' mom moved out a little over two weeks ago. We agreed to a 3-2-2-3 schedule for S4 and D1 for now. The stipulation is being drafted, so it's just a verbal agreement at this point. I don't foresee any problems thus far. Last night, she asked me if I could install Skype on my phone so she could see the kids, because she needed to see thier faces (I have a contact photo of her on my phone of her and D1 when she was a few months old, the kids like it. S4 kisses and hugs the phone, it's cute). My problem is that I am still very angry at how she "tanked' our r/s, as my T put it, and don't really want to see her. I can barely stand the nightly calls, but it is what it is and I suppose I need to deal with it and let go of my anger at some point. Does anybody think I am being unreasonable to not meet her request to Skype with the kids? I know it's the object constancy for her where she needs to see them "live" even though she saw them the day before (this was last night, so she saw them in the morning when she dropped them off).

This is a mess of her own making, yet I feel like I am giving in to her demands to make it easier for her to feel less guilty about what she did and how she did it. I know that this should be about the kids at this point, but they do fine with it. Their conversations are short until they say, "bye mommy!" or bye to me when I call them at night with her. They're kids, pretty adaptable as long as they feel safe where they are, which they are with each of us. I'm still just to angry as I saw the smug mugshot of her boy toy on the Skype on our computer at home, and she used to sit in the spare room and skype with the dude at night, and yes, I could hear it through the thin door (small house). I know I don't have to do this, but part of me thinks I am being unreasonable. Thoughts? Last night when she asked, I was non-commital.

[NyGirl8]

When my ex and I first split, he had some crazy demands.  He wanted me to read them a good morning text from him every morning.  Then he wanted to come over and walk them to school every morning.  I said no to both.  She is getting the phone calls, why the Skype?  And do you think this is really about the kids or is her trying to assert her control over the time the kids are with you?  Because that was clearly what my ex was trying to do... .

[Turkish]

When my ex and I first split, he had some crazy demands.  He wanted me to read them a good morning text from him every morning.  Then he wanted to come over and walk them to school every morning.  I said no to both.  She is getting the phone calls, why the Skype?  And do you think this is really about the kids or is her trying to assert her control over the time the kids are with you?  Because that was clearly what my ex was trying to do... .

Object  constancy.  guilt.  somewhat controlling  behavior. a  friend  told me today  that I  want under obligation to  waste my data  plan on her ( though I  could do it through my  Wi-Fi).  I'll just keep deflecting... .   my time it's my time.  the phone calls are a courtesy.  still,  without the stipulation signed yet, I  need to be nicer than  normal,  not that I'm going to be mean later.

[NyGirl8]

Yup, gotta play the game a little bit.  I hear ya.  Good luck.  And I would agree with your decision.  She has the phone call.